To Forgive and To Forget, Really... how do you do it? Options

Have you had someone really important and beloved to you do something really bad/dissapointing/whatever to you which you simply cannot forgive, not to mention to forget? When in the end you ended up filled with so much hate, mixed with love and resentment no matter what you've tried to really forget and forgive? And the feeling still there like for 2 years as it kept popping into your head even when you were not intentionally want to think and when you least expected it? Well, maybe I'm in a bad mood today, but really... I want to hear your thoughts and experience on dealing with this.

i must admit i cant forgive some things in my life i never will in this life perhaps in the next but not this one.
ill do my best to forget the dark past because it taught me the power of hatred
before i dident know what hatred really was and how deep it is,, and if i let it grow,, one day it will surely consume me yet i wont let it go that far,,

i have talked alot with people about this,, imagine someone came and kidnapped your son or daugher, brother or sister and did really cruel things to her/him would you simple say "forgive and forget"
or i forgive him for the cruel thing he did but wont forget it "the kid will be destroyed within" is that to forgive??

or if a drunk driver smack into your husband or wife and totally smack him to a bag of patatos for the rest of his/her life or maybe killed,, can you then forgive him ? he destroyed what you loved so dearly.

i myself would hunt the person down and remove him from the face of the planet if such happened in my life,, i know we live by laws and i would be punished for this,, but atleast i did something which feel right for me i brought the justice i wanted to have since the system dont work the same way.

then there are some who say what good will it bring to do payback you will just be like him,, ,, it wont help the victim ,,, well in my eyes it will then they dont have to ever think or fear meeting this person ever again. plus for me it would bring peace knowing he was gone and never could hurt or destroy anyone anymore.

well im sure there will be some who diseagree with me and thats fine we all see things diffrently (IMG:style_emoticons/default/evilB.gif)