Crazy.Really crazy or just troubled? Options

I don't know anymore...Am I crazy? I have these totally weird outbursts that doesn't match with the person I think I am. I am bitter sometimes, so bitter that I am scared of the things I say. I am trying to protect myself and I just end up with me saying horrible things to people that doesn't deserve that. Sometimes I think I am a queen, a great human being, the best...After that, I can see that I was stupid, and I apologize. I want to believe that I am on the right way, that I am learning lessons, but...
I'm scared.
What if I am just a horrible person? What if I am just living to hurt others?
On the other way, if I am asking myself these questions, I may be, in some degree, aware of what I should and should not say and do. Maybe I am just confused. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tn_dizzy002.gif) Maybe there is a way for me to become what I want to be. How I want to be.
I am scared of competition, and I react violently. I am afraid that people will make fun of me, will gossip about me, and make me feel bad. I am paranoid. Borderline personality...I found my simptoms among others in a 'Mental Health and Psychology dictionary'. Anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, histrionic personality..and another five mental disorders.
I wanna scream. Just go somewhere where nobody can see or hear me, and scream my anger out in the universe. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/help.gif) I am pathetic, sad person. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/cry_.gif) What am I doing here, anyway? I don't belong here, among you, those interested in occult. What if I am here just because I have problems dealing with this reality? I am not adapted to society.
I am just sad.Though I am not lonely..weird, hugh? I have some friends, and I am torturing them.
Why? Because I think I deserve everything, and I am sure that everyone tries to hurt me. I really must understand that I am nobody. Nobody cares watta' f%*! I am doing or thinking. I am only one from billions. I do not matter.
And, above all, I am my only friend. So, why am I hurting myself, too?
The simplest answer will be that I am exagerating. The more complex one...I suffer of many personality disorders, I am crazy and I should go somewhere to treat myself.

So, you say that it's a chemical imbalance in the brain? I am not sure what to think about that, I mean, it makes me feel good in one way but, afterall, what exactly is there to be done so the things inside the brain become normal?
Anyway...lately I think I managed to overcome my anger. My friends told me that I am now making fun of everything, and I am not taking anyone seriously. It seems that I replaced the anger with stupid jokes, and some people like that, and some don't. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) I don't exagerate, though! But I am trying to laugh every day, every hour, even if I have to read jokes from the newspaper to put myself in a good mood.
Today I tried to relax, to breathe and to not think of anything for an hour, because I was really getting too furious because of my...well, my life. And when the hour passed by, I was feeling so light and happy and shiny and rested like after a good sleep. So, it seems that is working, too.
Gavriel, be sure that when I will reach another of my critical points I will cry on your shoulder, and feel free to do the same with me.