Crazy.Really crazy or just troubled? Options

I don't know anymore...Am I crazy? I have these totally weird outbursts that doesn't match with the person I think I am. I am bitter sometimes, so bitter that I am scared of the things I say. I am trying to protect myself and I just end up with me saying horrible things to people that doesn't deserve that. Sometimes I think I am a queen, a great human being, the best...After that, I can see that I was stupid, and I apologize. I want to believe that I am on the right way, that I am learning lessons, but...
I'm scared.
What if I am just a horrible person? What if I am just living to hurt others?
On the other way, if I am asking myself these questions, I may be, in some degree, aware of what I should and should not say and do. Maybe I am just confused. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tn_dizzy002.gif) Maybe there is a way for me to become what I want to be. How I want to be.
I am scared of competition, and I react violently. I am afraid that people will make fun of me, will gossip about me, and make me feel bad. I am paranoid. Borderline personality...I found my simptoms among others in a 'Mental Health and Psychology dictionary'. Anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, histrionic personality..and another five mental disorders.
I wanna scream. Just go somewhere where nobody can see or hear me, and scream my anger out in the universe. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/help.gif) I am pathetic, sad person. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/cry_.gif) What am I doing here, anyway? I don't belong here, among you, those interested in occult. What if I am here just because I have problems dealing with this reality? I am not adapted to society.
I am just sad.Though I am not lonely..weird, hugh? I have some friends, and I am torturing them.
Why? Because I think I deserve everything, and I am sure that everyone tries to hurt me. I really must understand that I am nobody. Nobody cares watta' f%*! I am doing or thinking. I am only one from billions. I do not matter.
And, above all, I am my only friend. So, why am I hurting myself, too?
The simplest answer will be that I am exagerating. The more complex one...I suffer of many personality disorders, I am crazy and I should go somewhere to treat myself.

the jokes is a good way of dealing with it. Many zen masters and taoist sages are just jokers. Their scriptures are full of sarcasm and strange humor.

You are in control of your own mind, and your own body, however it often does not seem that way. Try metta meditation, it may seem fluffy and exagerated at first but it works wonders.
http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/brahmavihara.pdf

Life in itself is often a joke, if it angers you then you are way to involved with things that are just illusions. Everything in this world that is capable of angering anybody is an illusion, a false construct that you place inside your mind. It is not the world that angers you, it is you that places this anger inside your mind. The trick is to free yourself from these points of view, it is not wise to focus on negative things.

Instead focus on what is essential: love, friendship, relaxation. The meaning of life is to be happy, if you are not happy then you are not living life in the correct way!
The job, the work, the money, everything should exist for only one purpose, to help you live a happy life. If one of these things is not helping that, either change the way you view the thing, or skip it entirely. Go back to the root of existance, remember the way a monk lives. Food, shelter, friendship, these are the only things that are essential to being happy and content, the bare minimum to be able to live healthy and content. While more is certainly comfortable if it does not make you happy it should not be a part of your life.

Many will disagree to this anti-materialistic point of view, it is hard on the ego at first, most will want to reject this possibility. But it is the cold hard truth. Things and money are only good if they are serving their purpose, your happyness. Most of the time these two things only bring desire, need, confusion, attachement and in the end unhappyness because it never seems to be enough.

Remember, everyone just wants to be happy. Everything a person does!
Many people are confused and in their struggle of trying to be happy they are unhappy. It never seems enough. Research the buddhist 4 noble truths for more information.

Do not cling to anger, you must allow yourself to let it go. breathe out, relax and let go of it. if you see yourself entering these thought patterns, then laugh at how they are ridiculous, laugh at how they make you unhappy, laugh them all away. Remember what is essential and what is not.