I've been fortunate enough to gain quite a bit of knowledge about psychology and magic, and an understanding thereof that has enabled me to completely balance myself out both mentally and emotionally. I was quite a damaged human being during my teens and early twenties, but thanks to the compassion of a few people, plus some great books I've happened upon, I am healthy and balanced. I feel reasonably happy and at peace, and there is very little internal conflict in me nowadays.
The problem is, it's really boring. Truly.
I feel so balanced, normal, ordinary and okay, that this state of mind has almost become like a glass prison cell. Despite my efforts I haven't been able to induce lucid dreams, astral projections, or out-of-body experiences, and I've all but given up on concentration meditation, because at the end of my meditation I usually walk away with a feeling of total futility, as if I've accomplished absolutely nothing by doing it. That means that I'm not going to reach jhana states any time soon. It's like I'm craving altered states of consciousness.
I'm still a bit hesitant to do drugs, probably due to some residual ideas in the back of my head from my upbringing as a christian. I also don't want to do any golden dawn or thelemic rituals, because I strongly dislike the use of judeo-christian symbolism in their rituals (something I try to distance myself from). I just need something to shatter the glass a bit. I would even say that I want to unbalance myself just for some kind of new experience.
Maybe I should just try some substances? Like salvia divinorum? Do you know any kind of ritual or spell that can induce altered states? (Bear in mind that I don't have that much experience with magic, so I don't do evocation or invocation yet.)
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Life is profound.
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