If this is in the wrong thread I apologize.
Firstly, I would like to say that I am not a magician but I do believe in magic as something profound, powerful and generally positive. Only when its approached or practiced wrong does is lead to disaster so I would like to get this right.
I have become a person who fails all to often in making the "correct" choices and I have become very short sighted, unable to see beyond the day I'm in. This person I am right now, with all the thoughts and actions cannot go on unless I wish to be a homeless, hopeless mess. I believe its never to late to change but for any real change to take place I'm going to need a lot of energy, something I am lacking.
There is a part of me, within me, that's crying out to fix up, to ditch this wasted persona I have attained and its getting stronger as everyday goes by where I make childish mistakes one after another, which is why I am now writing this in hope of some guidance.
I wish for this person I am to die and for a better me to finally, deservedly have its chance at leading the way. I wish for something profound, powerful and positive to come through.
I know Rome wasn't built in a day and I do not expect to become a new person instantly, it will take time. What I was thinking is, tonight when everyone is sleeping and I am free from disruptions, to embrace all that I am right now, all that has led up to me being who I am at this point, assessing myself and becoming aware of what it is that's hindering my growth and bringing me to my knees. Once I am engrossed in all that I am, to then sink into the void within, taking this person along into dispersion. I understand there could be dangers in doing so, to disperse ones personality, ones livelihood, which is why I'm hoping for some guidance in allowing my True Self through in place of the dispersed persona.
Please be honest, is this worth the risk of losing myself completely? Should I just be trapped in a life I do not wish to live and except my fate or should I confront and destroy this impostor?
P.S. While looking about I came to find that what I am looking for is akin to initiation. Any information on this would be much appreciated.
Kind regards.

This post has been edited by al_zaine: May 9 2010, 02:22 PM