What knocks twelve times then explodes?
A Minerval in a microwave.

How many OTO leaders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They want the membership to remain in the dark!



Twas the night before crowleymas
we all sang in chorus
each one of us crowned
and conquering like horus
My woman in scarlet
And I the Great Beast
Had just said our will
and were preparing to feast
But somewhere outside
a strange goings-on
Perhaps, I thought Aiwass
But nay - 'twas Choronzon.
In my body of light
I went with assertion
of will to confront
The demon of dispersion.
When what with this prophet of
Princes went amiss?
But myGuardian angel
Calling across the abyss.
He possessed my wife
and then bade me to scribble
Three days worth of nonsense
and ludicrous drivel.
And there then he left me
alone in the wastes
To redeem all mankind
But I feared to make haste.
I pondered and wandered
causing many a schism
debauching, blaspheming,
By word, deed and jism.
But now here I stand
at crowleymas feast
with the word of the Aeon
Iam crowned the great beast'


~uncle al (chris Durham) 10/12/99


Liber Call Me Al
vel, vel, now.
sub figura skating
"The Book of the In-Laws"

Chapter I
1.
Hi! the manipulation of a Nut.

2.
Company of heaven exposed; film at eleven.

3.
Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is a Star. Big Deal.

4.
Every number is infinite; fire thy accountant.

5.
I'd like a volunteer from the audience at this point - you, the Warrior Lord of Thebes in the front row.

6.
I've Hadit up to here.

7.
Attention K-Mart Shoppers! It is revealed to !Who vast? the minister of Har-Po-Marx.

8.
The Khabs is in the Khu, right next to the peanut butter.

9.
Worship thou the Khabs, and the Khu will take care of itself.

10.
Let my servants be few and secret; they shall have enough problems without publicity.

11.
These are fools that men adore; for example, Vanna White comes to mind.

12.
Come forth with a fifth and take thy fill of Old Overcoat; thou shalt see stars!

13.
I am above you and in you. I am behind you and beside you. I am hiding behind the curtains. I know when you are sleeping, I see when you're awake. I know if you feel joy or woe so feel joy for goodness sake.

14.
There once was a Goddess, Nuit,
Who dated a God named Hadit.
When Ankh-af-na-khonsu
Saw what they were up to
He shouted "Hail Ra-hoor-khuit!"

15.
You may have already won the priesthood of infinite space, a Winnebago, all power for your wife, or one of 663 other valuable prizes in this Aeon's Prophecy Clearing House Giveaway!

16.
For he is sunburned, and she is a lunatic. He plays with matches, and she wanders around in the dark.

17.
But for you, no such luck.

18.
Look out! There's a snake on your head!

19.
Oh, bend over, and I shall drive thee home!

20.
Say the secret word and the Dove shall drop down.

21.
If the God and the Adorer call, say unto them that I am out of the office; they shall not see me. For I and my Lord Hadit shall be in a meeting verily until the end of time. My Prophet shall call their Prophet.

22.
Now, therefore, I have an unlisted phone number, which shall be revealed to my Prophet when at last he ceaseth making obscene calls. I am Infinite Space, and billions and billions of stars, yet modesty remains my best character trait. Let no difference be made between any one thing and any other thing; in this way wilt thou simplify thine Inventory Control.

23.
But whoso maketh sense of all this, let him explain it to me as soon as possible.

24.
I am a Nut, and my number is up.

25.
Divide, add, multiply, and extract square roots. There will be a quiz at the end of the Aeon.

26.
Then saith the Prophet and the Loss: Where the Hell am I, what am I on, and where can I get more? Then she answered him, her neon-hued body dangling a wide variety of love beads and leather thongs, saying: Like, wow! Everything is everwhere and real, like, for sure! Totally!

27.
Then the Priest answered her, kissing her lovely brow, running his hand lightly along her thigh, nibbling on her earlobes, and unbuttoning her blouse: "Uh. . . Right. What was the question again? Mmmph."

28.
Two breathed the light, faint and faery, of the stars, then asphyxiated.

29.
For I am divided by zero for the chance of confusion.

30.
This is the curriculum of Math; that the pain of long division is nothing, and the agony of Calculus, all.

31.
Screw you all! I got mine, Jack.

32.
Obey my Prophet! Send $20 in cash to me! Make eleven copies of this Book, placing thy Name therein, and disperse them to others as thou wilt. Break not the Chain, and the prosperity shall be without bounds. Would I lie to you?

33.
Then the priest passed out, muttering: Heard any good ordeals, rituals, or laws lately?

34.
But she said: The ordeals are none of thy business; the rituals shall be half known and half published by Francis King; the Law I'll give to anyone willing to haul it away.

35.
Surprise! THIS is the Book of the In-Laws! I'll bet you never guessed, huh? You probably thought this was some ordinary, run-of-the-mill prophetic work dictated by a praeternatural Intelligence.

36.
My secretary In-a-Gadda-da-Vida shall not edit this Book, howsoever badly it may be needed. He may comment thereupon by the wisdom of Pa-Ra-Keet. Thus shall plausible deniability be established.

37.
Also the Mazdas and the Celicas, the Oh-Yeahs and the Cowabungas, the Fafnil and the Zermatroz, the work of the Wand, the Pantacle, the Dagger, but not the Cup; these shall ye teach at weekend seminars.

38.
He must teach; but he may make wild the parties.

39.
The word of the In-Laws is PASADENA.

40.
Who calls us PASADENITES will do no wrong, if he but drives through the city. For there are therein Three Grades: the Little Old Lady, the Techie, and the Man of Suburbia. Possession shall be nine tenths of the Law.

41.
The Formula of Sin is Opposite over Hypotenuse. Oh Man, believe not thy wife when she says she has a headache! There must be fifty-six ways to leave thy lover! There is no bond that can unite the divided but Krazy Glue; accept no substitutes. Darn them! Darn them anyway! Ah, heck.

42.
Practice bondage in groups; thou hast the right to remain silent.

43.
Do that, and await to speak unto thy lawyer.

44.
For the word "unassuaged" is in every way mispronounced.

45.
After all, nobody's Perfect.

46.
The Key of this Law is really nothing special. 61 the Jews call it, or 58 wholesale for family. I call it eight, twelve, three point one four -- whatever I want to. I am a God, after all.

47.
They have the half, and it is the good half, too. Pull yourself together, and tell them to get lost!

48.
My Prophet looks out for number One, One, One.

49.
We regret that all ordeals, words, and signs have been canceled due to the unstable theological conditions in the East. Let Asar be with Isa, as long as they cause no trouble. I don't care; it's not my problem.

50.
Here's a tip on how to run this scam. There are three cons you can use. The gross shall be burned, the fine shall be soaked, and the lofty chosen ones worked over. Thus ye shall have plans and schemes, and nobody shall know what hit them!

51.
There are two doors to one townhouse; the floor of that townhouse has not been vacuumed for months; dirty clothes and stacks of old newspapers are there, and the odor of cat food. Let him enter in turn the two doors, having given 24 hours advance notice to the tenants as required by Law. Will he not sink? Damn. Aargh! If thy handyman sink, the dry rot is worse than I thought. But there are ways and means. Be goodly therefore, or betterly if possible: go to parties; eat cream puff sundaes, and drink generic champagne and beers that foam; play strip poker using a Tarot deck! But be sure to invite Me.

52.
If the layout be botched; if thou neglectest thine proofreading, saying: Who gives a damn; or saying, Let's order pizza, then shall Pa-Ra-Keet smite thee, and thy pepperoni shall breed pestilence.

53.
Believe me, this will make my sister feel much better. But remember, even though you think you're such hot stuff, it shall not help thee in Court. Have fun while you still can, Me Too! Me Too!

54.
Thou shalt be graded on content, spelling and grammer.

55.
Thy work shall serve as Papyri Ani.

56.
Expect it not from the East or West, but watch out for the South. Argh! All reasonable offers are accepted, and all answers correct, save only that some are stupider than others; solve the first half of the equation, get partial credit. But thou art still wholly in the dark.

57.
Go outside, for God's sake! Love in the raw, love under water! But be careful; there are love and love. There is the dove, and there is the can of whipped cream, a great deal of rope, and a cooperative sheep. Choose ye well! He, my toady, has chosen, knowing the House Rules, which are admittedly confusing. The gallery proofs of my Book look okay, but ~ is not the Star; I think it's a squashed bug. Leave it in; it will keep people guessing.

58.
I give unusual; punctuation while, in life, upon death: full stops. Not commas, nor do I demand proofreading

59.
My incense is of Chanel No. 5 and tapioca; and there are no preservatives therein, because the Washington Monument is exactly 555 feet tall.

60.
I can count to 11, more than most of those who are with us. The White Five Pointed Star, with a "T" in the middle, and the "T" is red. My color is black and white in the basic configuration, but red, green and blue are seen by those who buy the graphics display adapter. Also I have a high resolution option for those who pay through the nose.

61.
But to love me is to know me; if, under the night stars in the desert, thou presently freezeth thy ass off before me, invoking me out of pure desperation, thou shalt come a little to lie in a poorly insulated sleeping bag. For one bonfire wilt thou then be willing to give all; but whoso ignites one juniper twig shall be arrested by Park Rangers within the hour. Ye shall gather junk food and suntan oil; ye shall wear dark glasses, ye shall wish ye were at the beach. I charge you earnestly to come before me carrying a ridiculously heavy backpack. Pale or puce, Libertarian or libertine, I who am without good taste desire you. Put on the wings, and you'll look just like a chicken!

62.
Every time I see you I shall whine "Me Too! Me Too!", reminding thee strongly of thy little sister, and thy heart shall burn with annoyance.

63.
Sing the rapturous love song unto me, or at least hum a few bars of "Aleister's Restaurant":
You can do anything thou wilt, at Aleister's Restaurant;
You can do anything thou wilt, at Aleister's Restaurant;
Just drop on by, we're in Cefalu,
Later on today we'll have a mass for Nu;
You can do anything thou wilt, at Aleister's Restaurant;


64.
I am an airhead who uses too much makeup in the evening.

65.
Me Too! Me Too!

66.
The Manipulation of a Nut is at an end. Tune in tomorrow for more excitement -- same BAPH time, same BAPH channeling.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter II
1.
New and improved! The filet of Haddock.

2.
Oh come, all ye faithful, and Jim shall spill all the secrets which have not been revealed already. I, Christopher Robin, am the complement of Pooh, my bear. He is hungry, and he lives under the name of Sanders.

3.
I am always the center of attention, which makes my wife a bit edgy.

4.
Yet it is she who gets invited to the best parties.

5.
Yuck! These old rituals are filthy! Let the nasty ones get lost; let the good take laxatives. Then we'll talk.

6.
I am heartburn and sunstroke. I am Life, and I gave at the office, yet I am expert in Grateful Dead trivia.

7.
I am The Omen and The Exorcist. I am the fly in the ointment and the lime in the coconut. "Come unto me" is a foolish word, for I do not make house calls.

8.
Who worshipped Har-Po-Marx has worshipped me; badly, for I prefer Chico.

9.
Remember that existence is one long party; that hangovers pass and are done, but liver damage remains.

10.
O boy, I can see you had enough of this yesterday.

11.
I see you hate the hand and the pen, but I could not afford a word processor.

12.
Because we are both broke.

13.
for why? Because thou failed grammar, and me.

14.
Also, we couldn't pay the electric bill.

15.
For I am just the greatest thing, and my number is nine one one to the fools, but with the "in" crowd I am eight, and one eight, and four out of five, and two for one. Which is really critical, only I forgot why. I didn't draw to my Jack-high straight.

16.
I am a priest in drag. Oh, and I can count to eleven, just like my wife.

17.
Hear me, ye people of sighing Whose next three paychecks are all spent; Now is the time to start crying - The Landlord just increased your rent!

18.
They are better off dead, these worthless bums. they will hardly feel a thing. We don't care-we're on the winning team.

19.
Is God to walk a dog? Woof! But Pig enumerates to 93.

20.
Beauty and fashion, Malibu condos and fast cars, coke and cognac are of us.

21.
We have nothing with the scum and the rabble. Refuse them spare change! Kick them in the ribs! Spit on them! Gouge their eyes out! Drop napalm on their foul, stinking streets full of cheap wine bottles and shopping carts and-excuse me, I got carried away. If the body of the King dissolve, the Palace probably needs a new water softener. Nuts! Haddocks! PaRa-Keets! UV lamps, steroids and contact lenses, track lighting! I ask you, is this any way to run a pantheon? Then again, what can you expect from a bunch of nocturnal snakes?

22.
I am the Worm that lieth in the bottom of the tequila bottle which fills men with drunkenness. For a good time, buy strange drugs from my distributor and trip thereupon. The brain damage will barely be noticeable. Just say "Nu!" The exposure of innocence is fun. Be a manly, lusty Man; you can explain it all to God later.

23.
I am alone. There is no God. Where am I?

24.
But ye, o my people, rise up and-Shut up, o deacon; I am not there yet. This is just one of many Grave Mysteries I plan to hint about without ever actually telling you anything. For example, it is said, or so some say, that there are those of my people who are hermits. Now, think not to find them milking goats in the West County of Ireland, or even standing in wheatfields holding cubist lanterns along the TipharethChesed Freeway, but at cocktail parties, and in the Tokyo subway system. How is it, you ask, that such people are deemed Hermits? Chalk up another Grave Mystery. Remember: Kill the wretched, and the weak, the struggling masses yearning to be free! Burn their homes, plow their fields with salt, enslave them, oppress them-oh my, I'm sorry, I seem to have gotten carried away again. I really will try to keep a lid on it from now on. Promise.

25.
It's us against them, boy, and I say we call in the nukes! The hell with what I just promised! I hate them! I hate them! Aaaargh!

26.
I am the train entering a tunnel, and the hot dog chasing a donut. If I lift up my head, and shoot forth venom, I will have to wash the sheets in the morning.

27.
There is danger in this verse, for whoso does not give it to his editor shall make a great mess. He shall stumble into the pit called Writers Block, and there he shall reason with the Xaos.

28.
Now, damn Because, and the horse he rode in on!

29.
Just who the Hell does Because think he is, anyway?

30.
If Will stops and cries Why, fire him.

31.
If Power asks Why, tell it whatever it wants to hear.

32.
Reason won't work either, at least not for you.

33.
Enough Because, already! I don't even like his dog!

34.
(What has he got against dogs, anyway? Is it my turn, now? Okay...*ahem*) But ye, o my people, rise up and restore circulation to your arms!

35.
Let the rituals be performed with latex and farm animals!

36.
There are parties every other Tuesday at Bagh-i-muattar Camp.

37.
A feast for the first night of Pernod over ice!

38.
A feast for each of the ninety-four days of the writing on the Book of the In-Laws.

39.
A feast for Alexia, child of 1.75 Masters-Ptah-Sekhet, O profit!

40.
Practices for initiation rituals, and practices for the Equinox so we can piss off the A\ A\ types again.

41.
A feast after class, and a feast on payday; a feast for life, and a sudden loss of appetite following death.

42.
A feast every day with me so you can get heartburn.

43.
A feast every night with my wife so you can get spacey.

44.
Yeah! Party hardy, bro, and fear not hangovers at all.

45.
There is death for the dogs, but only if a Czechoslovakian restaurant opens in your neighborhood.

46.
Doest thou fall? Art thou hurt? Call Work Injury Resources at (213) 466-1058.

47.
Where am I? What are these?

48.
Pity not the fallen! (What a great idea for a song title...) they are not my problem! I hate them, hate them, hate them! Torture them, destroy them, burn them,! Rip their throats open with dull knives, and-whoops, there I go again.

49.
I am Haddock, hear me roar, while I kill and maim the poor; they knew that I would get them in the end. (This is one of the nine to five; after work there is happy hour, wherein I am three sheets to the wind.)

50.
Green am I, and pink in the weave of my shirt, yet the red lines are in my eyes, and the purple shadows under them.

51.
I mean really purple; it is the light high as a mountain, tall as a tree. My toadie shall call this light "infrared," thus establishing his credentials to create a system of scientific illuminism.

52.
There is some veal; that veal is black. It is the veal you bought for dinner three months ago; it is the veal that still lieth in the back of your refrigerator. Throw away this fuzzy specimen of mycology! Do this, and I shall reward thee with freedom from severe food poisoning.

53.
Don't worry, kid, you won't regret writing this thing. You are perfectly OK, I swear it, and any minor discomfort you may feel is only temporary, and probably just psychosomatic anyway.

54.
So your family, loved ones, friends, and everyone else you've ever respected think you've gone off the deep end? Big deal! You know who you can trust, right? The stops as thou wilt; the yields as prescribed by state law.

55.
Thou shalt learn the entire English Alphabet; thou shalt learn to construct words therefrom.

56.
Laugh while you still can, mockers! They laughed at me at the University, but now, now I will show them! Ahahaha!

57.
He that is righteous shall be righteous still, he that is filthy shall take a bath.

58.
Don't go changing, to try to please me, I love you just the way you are. Perhaps that bum is a King who likes cheap red wine. A King can choose his refreshment as he will; the rabble cannot hide their poor taste.

59.
Kill them all, and let Me sort them out!

60.
Strike low, strike often; kick them when they're down, so they won't get up again!

61.
There is a light before thine eyes, a light undesired, most annoying. Buy a new shade for your desk lamp.

62.
Your chest hurts, and the roof is leaking.

63.
Just breathing is an effort.

64.
Oh! You let your guard down, we have you now: hail, hail, the gang's all here: prophet of a Nut! prophet of the Odd! Prophet of Bar-B-Que! Now rejoice, and party, and write trashy novels!

65.
I am the Master; you will obey me.

66.
Write and work, and find ecstasy in bed! Thrill with victory and agonize in defeat! Those who see your death shall be glad-doesn't that make you feel just great? I love you so much I think I'll kill you. Cheer up! We're all in this together.

67.
Hold! A little more to the left! Keep it up! Oh, for God's sake, don't pass out now!

68.
Harder! Faster! Oh! Oh! OH!!!

69.
Whew! What do I feel? Am I exhausted? Not with this verse number, I'm not.

70.
There are other ways, too. Wisdom says: be rich! Then canst thou afford more joy. Recrystallize thy rapture. If thou drink, don't drive, if thou love, do. If thou do aught joyous, don't get caught, and destroy all evidence.

71.
But go for the gusto!

72.
Grab more and more! Live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse.

73.
Ah! Ah! Death! Death! Thou! Thou! Shalt! Shalt! Long!- excuse me, I got stuck. Anyway, forget death.

74.
Absence makes the Heart grow fonder. He who lives long and desires death much is obviously not very good at suicide.

75.
Aha! Listen to the Secret Code Message:

76.
20-N-Z 6-B-17-M 3-M-2-N-3-M-3 16-6-C-15 18-14-N-11-5. What the Hell does that mean? You won't figure it out, that's for sure. Ten cometh after me; they shall read it, and weep. But remember-even if you don't understand it, you can still tell it to your friends.

77.
O be thou proud and macho and muscular, and the Castro shall be thine.

78.
Thou art really something, a special kind of guy, truly head and shoulders above the crowd, a standout, one-of-a-kind. Thine head shall expand to encompass the stars. They shall worship thy name, and the number of thy beverage 202.

79.
The end of the filet of Haddock, and so long to you, sucker.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter III
1.
Tag! You're It!

2.
Things get rough from here on out; show not this chapter to thy friends. Speling is flunked; all was not taught. It's a Hawk! It's a Higher Plane! It's PA-RA-KEET!

3.
Now first, let's get it straight that, as Gods go, I am one bad-ass dude. I will kick their asses.

4.
Choose ye an island! (I recommend the Atolls of Tahiti.)

5.
Fortify it with eight vitamins and iron! (From this shall wonder be bred.)

6.
Fill it with all kinds of crap!

7.
I will give you a fire engine.

8.
With it ye shall hose down the people, and none shall stand before you.

9.
Run away! Sneak around behind them! Shoot them in the back! This is the law of the Battle of Cowardice: we shall practice in my back yard.

10.
Get the Souvenir Postcard of Cairo itself; set it in thy photo album - the one with the dirty pictures of Egyptian children and camels - and it shall be your Keepsake for ever. It shall not fade, or at least not much, for miraculous four-color printing shall adhere to it eternally. Toss it in the bottom of your underwear drawer and forget about the damned thing.

11.
Save this portion for your records! I forbid argument. I forbid questions. Hell, I forbid going to the bathroom! I will make it easy for you to mess up your house and to destroy your home town. Thou shalt have danger and trouble; thy weight is 195 pounds. Bar-B-Que is with thee. Worship me with gin and tonic; worship me with scotch & with water! Let women threaten me with sharp objects; thou knowest I love it. Let beer flow to my glass. Step on anyone who gets in the way; mine is a modest proposal!

12.
Mutilate cattle, little and big, in remote areas of Wyoming: after, a c***d [DELETED AT THE REQUEST OF THE O.T.O LEGAL FUND].

13.
Ha! I didn't say "Simon Magus says!"

14.
I'll get around to it, so be patient. Yeah? And your wife, too!

15.
Be careful what you wish for - I may give it to you. Hell, I may anyway.

16.
No contract, explicit or implicit, is hereby established between the party of the first part, the entity ?Who-Vast! (hereafter EW), and the party of the second part, the Master 999 (hereafter M999). EW assumes no liability for damages caused by or consequent to use, misuse, abuse, or disuse of Liber Call Me AL (hereafter "Nancy") by M999. M999 assumes full responsibility for promulgation, commentary, and routine maintenance of "Nancy," and for all civil or criminal actions pertaining to or caused by "Nancy" or related material. Your state may not permit exclusion of prophetic liability for channeled, inspired, or extraterrestrial communications. In this case, state law supersedes the Logos of the Aeon.

17.
Don't worry; fear neither tax auditors, nor auto mechanics, nor weird fuzzy things you find late at night under your bed, nor anything. Money fear not, but rather the lack of it; nor laughter of the folk folly - with a religion like this you're in for a lot of it. Nuts are your snack as you drink your Lite; and I am the force that bends your arm.

18.
You know all that stuff in Chapter 2 about mugging the weak and the poor? Well, do that, but this time wear steel-toed boots.

19.
The postcard they shall call the Souvenir of Cairo; count its name on thy fingers, and it shall be unto thee as, um, 5.

20.
But WHY??? Because of the fall of Because, you little brat. Now go play on the freeway.

21.
Redecorate thy temple with genuine oil paintings from the GALLERY ART SHOW at the Cairo Hilton! Seascapes, clowns, Elvis on velvet, generic farm buildings, and waterfalls are only a few of the many ORIGINAL ARTWORKS available at ridiculously low prices for a LIMITED TIME! Sofa size, portrait size, and our special TEMPLE SIZE paintings are all AVAILABLE NOW!

22.
Buy a whole set, to carry thy Decorating Theme. I am the visible Object of Worship, if you know what's good for you. It's my Aeon, and I'll scry if I want to. The others can just wait their turns; for you and your wife are they, and the winners of the Prophecy Clearing House Giveaway. What is this? Ask Ed McMahon.

23.
For perfume mix oil and vinegar and Thunderbird: then gasoline and styrofoam, and afterward soften and smooth down with rich dark beer.

24.
The best beer is of the Irish, Guiness; then beers of Germany, or imported from the Orient; then of Australia; then of Canada or Mexico; then some American pisswater, no matter the brand.

25.
This drink; of this make bread and eat 'til you pop. This hath also another use; let beer be laid in a shallow dish in the garden, with sticks propped up on its sides: it shall become full of snails and other things which have been ravaging your garden.

26.
These dispose of, reflecting on the karmic implications of drowning in beer.

27.
Also, these make good escargot if you want to catch them live and go to all that trouble.

28.
Also, ye shall reek of garlic.

29.
Furthermore, if you keep them in corn meal awhile, they're supposed to taste better. You try it first and let me know.

30.
My altar is of open brass work. Burn thereupon, and all the incense will fall through the openings and ruin your new carpet.

31.
You will meet a tall dark stranger who will piss on you.

32.
From gold forge extremely soft, yellowish steel!

33.
Be ready to run away or to hide!

34.
But your Townhouse shall endure throughout the centuries: though with dry rot and termites it be unsafe and condemned, yet an invisible house there lieth in a heap, and shall remain until the zoning laws change; when hell is frozen over and the national debt repaid. Another load of ready cash shall then be spent on New Age trash; another scandal-film shall bore us, titled "The Sex Life of Horus"; another Book shall be dictated to a Prophet overrated; another parody shall be prepared, another Breeze to pain; and we shall be still on the brink of the Volume II Magickal Link!

35.
The end of the word of Hia-wa-tha, alias Har-po-marx, alias Pa-Ra-Keet.

36.
Then, suddenly, the prophet said:

37.
I think I feel a song coming on --
Why do hawks swoop down from the sky
Every time she walks by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to Nu.

Why do buds open to the air
From the Earth, everywhere?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to Nu.

In the Aeon she appeared Archangels got together
And they Willed to formulate a dream come true;
So they scattered starlight for her body
And eternal trees, the hair of Nu!


38.
Of course you feel light-headed; you have a hot sword stuck in your back. Pick Door Number 3, and I will establish your way, or you can trade it all for whatever is in this box. Oh, by the way, these are the adorations, so pay attention:
Why do snakes coil around my heart
Every time we're apart?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to Nu.


39.
All this and a sensational best-selling book about how you achieved communion with Aliens and a copy of this document forever - for in it is high acid content paper, and it won't last twenty years as is - and thy comment upon this Book of the In-Laws (I suggest "So what?") shall be Xeroxed expertly in four colors upon beautiful bond paper stolen from an office supply store; and to everyone that thou meetest, were it but to throw food and drink on them, it is the Law to give as good as you get. Remember, charity begins at AUMGN. Then they shall either shower thee with praise and fortune or set their dogs upon thee; care to guess the odds? Run away quickly.

40.
But what about the Comment? I don't got to show you no stinking Comment!

41.
Establish a legitimate business organization as a front; all must be done using at least two sets of books.

42.
The ordeals thou shalt overlook, being blind drunk. Accept everybody; you'll probably spot the traitors before they cause really catastrophic damage. I am Pa-Ra-Keet, and I am very good at getting my servant in trouble by giving him stupid orders like this. Success would be nice; fold not, spindle not, mutilate not, breathe shallowly, sit still! Them that seek to arrest thee, to beat thee up, might not even notice thee if thou art still and quiet enough. If this doesn't work, swift as a kicked puppy run away! Be thou yet more pitiful than he! Perhaps they shall have mercy upon thee. Lick their boots, roll over and play dead!

43.
Let the Beige Woman beware! If she lets up for one second I'll kick her ass. I will cancel her auto insurance; I will foreclose on her mortgage; I will audit her tax return; as a shrinking and despised credit risk shall she crawl through loan applications, and die a renter.

44.
But let her do her Will by following my directions to the letter, never deviating from the exact path I have chosen for her! Let her act as I want her to act, dress the way I like her to dress!

45.
Then shall she be free; then I will be nice to her kids. She shall be happy, for I know what she really wants. With my perfect guidance she shall be Nuts, and eat Haddock.

46.
I am the Lord of the Top Forties; the Sixties tune in, turn on, and drop out; the Eighties worry about my prophecies more than Nostradamus. Failure is likely, running away your defense; go on with my speed, and hide until they leave!

47.
This book shall be a major motion picture, with subsequent comic book releases; but always with the illegible scrawls of my servant; for in the chance shape of the doodles in the margins are mysteries with which Freud would have a field day. Let him not seek to know these; but seventeen come later who shall use them as a wallpaper pattern. Then this ink stain is a mess; then this smeared line is a mess also. Buy a new pen, for God's sake. And SHAZAM. Blood tests shall prove it to be his kid, stunning the medical profession. Let him not push too hard, for only thusly could he fall off and possibly injure both himself and the goat.

48.
Now the mystery of the letters is done, and good riddance.

49.
I am in a secret word that you won't want your friends to read. Just tell them to stop at verse 48.

50.
Darn them! Darn, darn, darn! GOSH darn!

51.
Okay, here we go: With great big nasty sharp implements I gouge Jesus' eyes out. Anybody for a nice cheery burning cross on the front lawn?

52.
I offend another major world religion and make untold millions of additional enemies by fucking around with Mohammed's vision.

53.
Hell, let's go for it! I make appropriate rude and offensive comments about and desecrate the temples of Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Shintoists, Confucians, Taoists, Animists, various Native American religions, and - just so they won't feel left out - Marxists. There, now everybody in the world hates you. Isn't it nice to be noticed?

54.
Bah! Humbug! I crap on your spitulous creeds!

55.
Let's torture Mary to enrage the Catholics; let's criticize Nuns! This is getting fun!

56.
All just for the Hell of it!

57.
Just in case we've left anybody out, let's also despise Canadians and blondes and stupid people! We must have, what, something like 99. 98% of the Earth's population covered by now?

58.
But the keen and the neato, the free and the brave, ye are brothers! All seven of you!

59.
So just to make sure you don't get bored, fight each other as well as the rest of humanity!

60.
There is no law beyond Do it, then wilt.

61.
There is an end to the word of the Head Honcho of the Aeon, but not yet, apparently.

62.
To me kiss up by getting clobbered over and over trying to implement all these silly instructions. If this is bliss, I think I'll take sorrow.

63.
The fool takes one look at this Book of the In-Laws, makes a rude comment, and resolves to wait for the movie.

64.
Let him come through the first ordeal, and it shall be to him as evidence submitted to support his lawsuit.

65.
Through the second, material for unknown rock groups to include in otherwise inane lyrics.

66.
Through the third, a source of dozens of pithy aphorisms with which to amaze one's friends and alarm one's family.

67.
Through the fourth, overly exalted and poorly understood material just waiting for a good parody.

68.
Yet to all it shall seem like a good excuse for doing whatever they wanted to do anyway.

69.
There is success just ahead, a light at the end of the tunnel; I promise the troops will be home by Crowleymas.

70.
I am the chicken-livered Lord of Silence and Hiding; I am afraid of the dark.

71.
Hey! You warriors over by the pillars! Your coffee break is almost over!

72.
I am the guy with the wand of Double Power, baby; the wand of the force of OY VEY - but my left hand is empty, for I crushed a beer can yesterday, and sprained my thumb.

73.
Paste the sheets from right to left and from top to bottom, then behold! A very large sheet of paper!

74.
There is a Secret in the name of PASADENA, hidden and foamy, just as the sun at midnight seldom gives you a good tan.

75.
How do you keep a Thelemite in suspense?

THE END --
Or Is It???
Aargh. Huh?


[Ed. Note: The manuscript to the Book of the Inlaws was discovered in a sealed closet in Claremont in 1954 and is estimated to have originated circa 1900. The three chapters are said to have been dictated to the Master 999 over three consecutive years, on April 1st of each year. The original manuscript is written in pig-latin. It is believed that this book is the source of over 93% of all modern cliches. This additional information was scheduled to appear as an introduction to our publication of the first chapter, last Spring, but the curse of the "Editor's memory lapse" prevented the appearance of same.]

The Thelemite Test

(Originally presented in IAO Camp's Herald-Tepaphone Vol. 1, Number 2.)



There is perhaps no better way to start an argument than to pose the question of just what is or is not "Thelemic," or who is or is not a "Thelemite." This issue has long been in need of resolution, and here at the Propaganda Ministry we have devoted a wholly absurd amount of time to this very issue. We now present the results of our labours in the form of an easy and objective test that will allow the reader to finally determine, once and for all, his and/or her essential Thelemicness, Thelemitude, and Thelemicity.

Scoring: Unless otherwise specified, give yourself one point for each correct answer; if you don't know the correct answer (and it's not always "yes"), then you got it wrong. Grade scales are at the end of the test.



A: Personal Information

1) Were you raised Catholic?
2) Did you flirt with Satanism in your youth?
3) With Wicca?
4) Do you wear mostly black?
5) Do you wear a Pentagram?
6) Do you wear a Unicursal Hexagram?
7) Do you wear a funny hat?
8) Have you ever had asthma?
9) Do you shave your head?
10) Do you have the reputation of being a "Black Magician?"
11) Do you object fundamentally to this test even though you're already getting 100 percent?



B: Questions of the Law

1) How many copies of Liber AL do you own ? (One point each, limit ten. Include copies published separately or as part of a larger book but not electronic copies.)
2) Are you offended by The Book of the In-Laws?
3) How many "Secret Fourth Chapters" of Liber AL have you read? (One point each, limit ten.)
4) Have you written any "Secret Fourth Chapters" of Liber AL?
5) Have you written any commentaries on Liber AL?
6) Do you accept the "Short Comment?"
7) Do you understand it?
8) Did you actually burn your first copy of Liber AL?
9) How many copies of Liber OZ have you posted? (One point each, limit ten. Internet postings do not count.)



C: Bibliomania
[Electronic copies and photocopies do not count in this section.]


1) Do you collect Crowley books?
2) Do you have more Crowley books than any other kind?
3) Put together?
4) Was the last book you read a Crowley book?
5) Do you have multiple copies of any Crowley books other than Liber AL?
6) Do you own any first edition Crowley books?
7) Do you own a set of the Equinox? (Bonus point if it's a first edition)
8) Do you collect Kenneth Grant books even though you think he's a complete cheesehead?
9) Do you collect books that simply mention Crowley?
10) Do you make friends with people just so you can borrow their books?
11) Do you refer to Crowley books by their initials?
12) By their numbers?
13) Do you build your library around the reading lists in the back of MTP?



D: Hardcore Than Thou?

1) Do you actually say "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law" instead of "hello?"
2) Do you actually say "Will" before every meal?
3) Do you actually do Resh four times a day?
4) Do you read Fundamentalist Satanic Conspiracy books just to see if you are mentioned therein? (Bonus point if you were.)
5) Do you actually refer to non-Thelemites as "Trogs"?
6) Do you actually say "APO PANTOS KAKODAIMONOS" to any clergy you happen to meet?
7) When looking for a place to live, do you do you consider a building's orientation to Boleskine?
8) Do you choose your phone, PO Box, PIN, or license plate numbers for Qabalistic reasons?
Do you date your checks Thelemically?
9) How many copies of the Thoth Tarot do you own? (One point each, limit ten.)
10) Have you ever "worn one out?"
11) Do you play card games with the Thoth Tarot?
12) How about "strip" card games?
13) Would you name your daughter "Nuit Ma Ahathoor Sappho Hecate Jezebel Lilith?"
14) Would you name your dog "Because?"
15) Do you make a point of buying 93-octane gasoline?
16) Do you wear your Magical robes around the house?
17) Around town?
18) Do you refer to the founder of modern Witchcraft as "Brother Gardner?"
19) Do you make a particular point of this when around Wiccans?
20) Do you get all the obscure in-jokes in this test?



E: Crowleyanity

1) Do you demand 12 October off from work/school for "religious reasons?"
2) Do you actually like Crowley's poetry?
3) How many reincarnations of Aleister Crowley do you know? (one point each, limit ten.)
4) Are you the reincarnation of Aleister Crowley?
5) How many pictures of Aleister Crowley do you have on your walls? (One point each, limit ten.)
6) Do you make pilgrimages to places Crowley visited?
7) Have you ever "poured over maps of New Hampshire" in search of Lake Pasquaney?
8) Do you have a sample of dirt from a certain backyard in New Jersey?
9) Would you buy a limited facsimile edition of Aleister Crowley's Laundry Lists?
10) Would you brag about it if you did?
11) Have you ever tried smoking perique soaked in rum just because it was Crowley's favourite?
12) Do you have the hospital bills to prove it?
13) Can you name all of Crowley's pseudonyms?
14) Have you ever used one of them yourself?



F: Arts and Entertainment

1) Have you ever seen The Devil Rides Out ?
2) Have you ever read Somerset Maugham's The Magician?
3) Do you collect Current 93 albums even though they suck?
4) Did you actually buy that $31.00 CD of Crowley reading his poetry?
5) Do you think the Simon Iff stories would play well on Mystery?
6) Do you think The Vision and the Voice would make a good interactive computer game?
7) Should completing the game successfully entitle you to the Grade of Magister Templi?
8) Do you collect Dead Can Dance albums?
9) Do you refer to the lead guitarist of Led Zeppelin as "Brother Page?"
10) Do you have a bootleg of Page's Lucifer Rising soundtrack?
11) How many Kenneth Anger movies have you seen? (One point each, limit eight since that's all there are!)
12) Did you understand any of them?



G: Social Life

1) How many Magical Orders do you belong to? (One point each, limit ten.)
2) Are you the Head of any of these Orders?
3) How many of these Orders have expelled you? (Bonus point if you were also the Head of the Order.)
4) Do you live in the bad part of town?
5) Are the local street gangs scared of you?
6) Have you ever been arrested for carrying your Magical sword around?
7) How many Thelemic 'zines or newsletters do you get? (One point each, limit ten, electronic 'zines or e-mail lists don't count.)
8) Have you contributed to a Thelemic 'zine or newsletter? (E-zines don't count.)
9) Have you edited a Thelemic 'zine or newsletter? (Bonus point if you had to do the whole thing yourself.)
10) When traveling, do you plan your route so you can crash at other Thelemites' homes?
11) When visiting other Thelemites, do you spend the first half-hour looking at their books?
12) Can you be with another Thelemite for one hour without arguing?
13) Are arguments better than sex?
14) Are Crowley books better than sex?
15) Have you ever tried to combine all three?
16) Within one month of starting a new relationship, have you persuaded your new girlfriend to donate her monthlies to the cause? (Conversely, were you that girlfriend?)
17) Do you try to get your dates in the mood by reading from Snowdrops?
18) Does your family think you're going to Hell?
19) Does your family think you're dead?
20) Subtract one point for every relative you are on speaking terms with. (Limit ten.)



Grading:

0 points or less You are probably the reincarnation of Victor Neuburg, but that's all right, we won't hold it against you.
1 to 5 points Come on! Even John Symonds could do better than that!
6 to 10 points You've heard about Crowley and know to visualise the White Light whenever his name is mentioned so those evil satanic Crowleyites don't mess up your aura.
11 to 21 points You are a borderline case. Stop reading Starhawk and study the Bagh-i-Muattar.
22 to 43 points You are Thelemic but you need to work harder. We suggest a Magical Retirement to contact "the little clouds of deities that inhabit the nostrils."
44 to 55 points You are a dedicated Thelemite who can eat your weight in fluffy Neo-Pagans for breakfast, and probably does if given half the chance.
56 to 76 points You are seriously hardcore. You practically live in your Magical robes, subsist entirely on Cakes of Light, and have an aura so dark no one has actually seen you in years.
77 to 92 points You are almost certainly the reincarnation of Aleister Crowley. You now have the right to attend the annual convention at Boleskine.
93 points or more Even Crowley would be scared of you.


http://www.canadiancontent.net/en/jd/go?Ur...stwithouttears/

In the East, that is, in the direction of Boleskine, which is situated on the south eastern shore of Loch Ness in Scotland, two miles east of Foyers, is a shrine that we'll call the High Altar. This does not reflect that the Altar uses drugs but rather refers to the proclivities of the fat ass PRIESTESS who sits there. As to why it even matters anymore to face your altar in this direction is plain stupid, especially since the OTO doesn't own Boleskine and it's now a hotel. It is suggested that you face your altar toward the nearest hotel in your area where you choose your working-girl Priestess, or toward People's Park. Its dimensions should be 7 feet in length, 3 feet in breadth, 44 inches in height, unless the room that you're using is a small parlor, then any table or milk crates and a board will be suitable. However, it should be covered with a crimson altar cloth to hide your shabby altar, and on the cloth may be embroidered fleur de lys in gold, or a sunblaze, or other suitable emblem to make it look pretty.
On each side of it should be a pillar or obelisk, with countercharges in black and white. Painted linoleum tubes will do, or disregard this symbolism if you're incapable of fulfilling it.
Below it should be the dais of three steps, in black and white squares. Not required in parlor Temples.
Above it is the super altar, at whose top is the Stele of Reveling in reproduction, with four used candles on each side of it. Preferably all the same color. Below the stele is a place for the Phone Book, with six used candles on each side placed in muffin pans. Below this again is the Holy Pail or cup bought at the flea market. It would be nice if it had roses on each side but as long as it holds wine and doesn't leak, it's ok. There is room in front of the Cup for a Holy Brass Ashtray also bought at the flea market, or from the kitchen. On each side beyond the roses are two great big used candles.
All this is enclosed within a great veil to hide all the imperfections and allow the Priestess to drink, or smoke pot before the Mass without worry of sharing it with the congregation.
Forming the apex of an equilateral triangle whose base is a line drawn between the pillars, is a small black square altar, of two superimposed cubes. Any small table will do.
Taking this altar as the middle of the base of a similar and equal triangle, at the apex of this second triangle is a small circular font, which is another square table that has a bowl which was found in the kitchen, or bought at the flea market. Don't be too cheesy when purchasing the bowl, after all, it will hold your Holy Water from the kitchen sink.
Repeating, the apex of a third triangle is an upright tomb, or place where we'll attempt to hide the Priest.




II


Of the Actors in the Play


The PRIEST. Bears the Sacred Stick made of something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue, and he is clothed at first in a plain white robe. Some prefer being naked, making an excuse that it's symbolically correct rather than the fact that they're too cheap to purchase a robe, or that they are exhibitionists. Some believe it's up to the Priest rather than the script which Crowley wrote. Still others prefer a Batman costume.
The PRIESTESS. Should be actually Virago Insupportable or specially dedicated to the service of the local Community above the Great Order. She is clothed in white, blue and gold, or as Cat Woman. She bears the old, rusty sword and the Brass Ashtray along with the Hosts, or Cakes of Light made in a fashion not to resemble anything requested by the official Gnostic Church.
The DEACON. He is clothed in white and yellow, or as Robin. He bears a used copy of the local Phone Book.
Two Children. They are clothed in white and black. One bears a pitcher of tap water and a cellar of iodized salt, the other a censer of fire and a casket of Chanel No. 5 to sprinkle on the congregation of unbathed who come for the wine.


III


Of the Ceremony of the Flaming Trots


The DEACON, opening the front door, admits whoever is knocking, who is in
need of trotting to the bathroom quickly. He then takes his stand between
the small altar and the font, directing traffic. (There should be someone to
attend to fleecing the audience. This can be ignored by those Lodges where
the congregation gives change only.)
The DEACON usually advances and is tipsy before the open shrine as he reaches
for the wine glass, which is exalted. He kisses the used copy of Phone Book
a bunch of times, opens it, and places it upon the back altar. He turns around
without falling over.


The DEACON. Mumbles. Do whatever we want shall be the whole of our Law. I proclaim the Law of Bud Lite, Your Wife, My Libido and No Liabilities all in the hopes that we don't get caught!


The CONGREGATION. Sex is what we want, sex after the Mass!


The DEACON goes to his place between the altar of incense and the font, faces
East, and gives the step and sign of a Little Boy in need of a Big Brother.
All imitate him.


The DEACON and all the PEOPLE. I would like to believe in the secret and inebriated HORDES; and in one Star in the company of Hollywood of whose films we watch on the big screen, and to which we shall rent as a video; and in one Father of Blithe, Misery of Miseries, in His name as Bay Area Lodge Master, the vichyssoise from the Kitchen; and in his Marijuana the nourisher of all that breathes it.
And I like to think of one Earth, the Mother of us all, and in one Back Yard wherein all men are begonias, and wherein they shall be watered, Mystery of Mystery, in Her name YO BABE.
And I wonder about Cecil the Sea Serpent and the Little Boy, Mystery of Mystery, in his name BEANIE.
And I am not sure of my own Gnassal and Catheretic Church of Red Lights, Infatuation and Liquor, the Word of whose Law is YO BABY NICE TITS.
But I do believe in Communion as written by Whitley Strieber.
And, forasmuch as McDonald's and Coca Cola are transmuted in us daily into waste products, I believe in the Miracle of its Mass.
And I confess in one Baptism under Fire whereby we accomplish the Miracle of avoiding Incarceration.
But I'll confess to the police if caught, and I'll rat out individuals, pointing the finger at was, and is, and who is to come with the drugs.
AUGHT, AUGHT, AUGHT ... I'm choking on something!!!!


Music is now played by someone beating a tom-tom while the child carries
the ewer and the iodized salt. The VIRAGO enters with the rusty Sword and
the Brass Ashtray. The child enters with the censer and Chanel No. 5. They
face the DEACON, deploying into line, from the space between the two
altars, and assist the Deacon from choking to death. This is good.


The VIRAGO. Hello, Hello from Earth and Heaven!


All give the hailing sign for a Taxi, the DEACON leading and collects fares.
The PRIESTESS, the negative child on her left, the positive child on her
right, ascends the steps High toward the Altar. They await her bellow. She
places the Brass Ashtray before the Wine Glass. Having adored it because
it's filled with Chianti, she descends, and with the children following her,
the positive next her, she'll then attempt to move in a serpentine manner
involving 3½ circles of the Temple without falling down or tripping over the
congregation. (skipping Deosil about altar, walking widdershins about font,
backwards deosil about altar and font, and finally with eyes closed,
widdershins about altar, and so to the Tomb in the west.)


The PRIESTESS. Come out, come out wherever you are!


She draws her sword and pulls down the Veil therewith exposing a naked
priest. Congregation gasps.


The PRIESTESS. By the power that say's I'll never use an Iron, I say unto thee, Alright, give me wash an' wear! In the name of our Laundromat owned by Sam, and of our Landlord who has promised to us a machine ... that thou mayest administer the virtues of clean clothes to the Unwashed, you O Naked One!


She sheathes the Sword.
The PRIEST, issuing from the Tomb, holding his stick erect with both hands,
right over left, against his breast because he's drunk, takes the first
three regular steps as taught by the police in a sobriety test. He then gives
the stick to the PRIESTESS and gives the three penis signs taught while in
the shower at jail. He then falls to his knees and worships the stick with
both hands. Penitentiary music.


The PRIEST. I am a man among men, so they told me with soap on the shower floor while I was in jail.


He takes again the stick, or Lance, and lowers it. He rises.


The PRIEST. How should I be worthy to administer the virtues to the Brethren who have no soap?


The PRIESTESS takes from the child the tap water and the iodized salt,
and mixes them in the wash bowl.


The PRIESTESS. Let the iodized salt from the corner store admonish the Tap Water to bear the virtue of the Local Reservoir. (brushes off the flecks from her shoulders).
Mother, am I adopted?


She returns to the West, slaps the PRIEST with open hand, doth the same
on his forehead, breast and body.


Be the PRIEST sober of body and soul!


The PRIESTESS takes the censer from the child, and places it on the small
altar. She puts Chanel No. 5 therein.


Let the Fire and the Air make sweet the world! (she brushes off more flecks from shoulder)
Father, am I adopted?


She returns West, and sprays Chanel No. 5 from the censer before the
PRIEST, thrice as before.


Be the PRIEST'S scent pleasant for my body and soul!


(The children resume their weapons as they are done with.)
The DEACON now takes the torn Red Robe from the Big Altar and brings
it to her. She robes the PRIEST in his tattered Robe of scarlet, beer stains
and pot burns, but at least it hides his naked body.


Be thee a flame on Castro Street with thine ambiance, O thou PRIEST with cute Buns!


The DEACON brings the Hat from the High Altar. (The Hat may be of gold
or platinum, or of electrum magicum; but with no other metals, save the
small proportions necessary to a proper alloy. It may be adorned with
divers jewels; at will. But it must have the Uraeus serpent twined about it,
and the cap of maintenance must match the scarlet of the robe. Its texture
should be velvet, all this in the shape of a Cowboy Hat.)


Be the Serpent on the Cowboy Hat thy crown, O thou PRIEST of the WILD WEST!


Kneeling she takes the PRIEST'S Penis between her open hands, and runs
them up and down upon the shaft eleven times, very gently.


Give me an erection so everybody can see it!


All give the Hailing Sign of the Taxi again.


The PEOPLE: It's so tiny!




IV


Of the Ceremony of the Cloth
thrown into the Corner


The PRIEST. Thee therefore whom the Congregation has come here to look at naked. By the power of my tiny little lifted Lance!


He raises the stick. All repeat The Ogling Sign.
A phrase of Triumph, or Harley music.
The PRIEST wearing cowboy hat, takes the PRIESTESS by her right hand
over his left and does brief square dance, keeping the Lance raised.


I, PRIEST of BURGER KING, will take thee there later, Virgin pure whom I'll spot for money: I will pay for thee; but for now I lead thee to the East; I ask thee to place thy butt upon the summit of the Earth.


He asks the PRIESTESS to climb upon the makeshift altar.
The DEACON and the children follow, they are rank, forgetting to use
Chanel No. 5. The PRIESTESS takes the Phone Book, resumes her seat,
and holds it open on her breast with her two hands, making the Gang-Sign
of The Community with thumbs and forefingers.
The PRIEST gives his little stick to the DEACON to hold; and takes the
soap and water from the child, and sprinkles the PRIESTESS, soaps her
forehead, shoulders, and thighs. The thumb of the PRIEST is always
between his index and medius, whenever he is not holding the soap. The
PRIEST takes the Chanel No. 5 from the child, and douses the BITCH, I
mean PRIESTESS as before.
The children replace their cleaning implements on their respective altars.
The PRIEST kisses the Phone Book three times. He kneels for a space while
reading through the Yellow Pages looking for the phone number for
DOMINO'S PIZZA, with joined hands, knuckles closed, thumb in position
as aforesaid. He rises and draws the veil over the whole altar to hide the
Priestess who is in need of drink