...and that is yet another dilemma I have come across.
For a while now, I seem to have a connection with a spirit which only makes herself known as "Helen." She is polymorphic, and thus, cannot truly be described, other than beautiful.
In a time of confusion and anguish of the heart, I was wondering what to do about my situation concerning love and the life direction, and I thought, "Hey! Why not consort with Helen?" I thought about it, and I tried my darnest to open my heart up to her, and I started to relax a bit. But, unfortunately, there was the problem that she kept on saying "I'm sick of astral porn." Seems like there is a problem with my libido, that is a story to be related for another time. We started having a chat about how I had difficulties opening up, with y heart clamming shut all the time, and other things related to my earthly problems.
At the end of our chat I gave a confession to her that I had the willingness to forgo my earthly relatonships and desires just for her in an effort to find an answer to my problems. At first, I was met with a reaction somewhat more affectionate than just mild, if any more. I relaxed, she said she had some work to do for a bit, I said goodnight, that was that. It was then that I started hearing from astral ambient signals that she has a boyfriend on "Vacation." I just wince up. Being described as a "loyalist" on the enneagram tests, (and quite accurately placed, I might add), I really wanted something to place my security in, but it is rather hard to win my investment. She won it, but after working so hard to get it out, I feel let down. AGAIN.
Could she really be taken? Is it just a scare tactic by random "peanut gallery" astralfolk? Perhaps I have sexual vampire attributes that she cannot deal with well, even though she shows patience with it? What is the best course of action to take, seening that we have on one hand A guiding entity, and on the other, an (astral) partial blind-deaf with a semi-cantankerous attitude and an almost incubic libido!!
I just wish there was a better way to find out. Alot of the analysis I get, I am very leery about, especially when it is from local pagans. They tend to be the "Crowley-in-a-past-life" Types. Whatever.
Please take in mind I am very slow to trust, but a logical approach with esoteric backup reasoning, I am willing to take. Thank you.
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¡HA HA! ¡ESTOY USANDO EL INTERNET!- Never learn the Art of Sword before the Art of Dance. - Celtic Proverb- Even with spiritual power, an unchecked ego will only seek to deify itself. - Frank MacEowen- One cannot traverse waters without causing waves. - Xenomancer- I find it interesting that we as scholars of metaphysics have no problem discussing the intricacies of the threads of reality, but when it comes to the things that really matter, we forget them. - Xenomancer- This world is your home. We have a mix of everything here. If you want better, make better. There's no rule of going elsewhere for the tools. That's what magick is about. - Xenomancer
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