Living With Schizophrenia? Options

Hello, I'm a diagnosed schizophrenic and was wondering if anybody else is, or has experience dealing with a schizophrenic in their lifetime. I started this topic because since I was 16 I've been trapped in my own reality. I'm looking for methods or techniques for dealing with different symptoms like; fear that somebody is reading your mind, talking to the radio or television, hearing voices, and overall paranoia. I'm now 20 years old and have accomplished nothing in my life because I've let my illness get the best of me. The only achievement I've made since my first psychotic episode is graduating from high school. I'm really just looking for ways, other than taking medication, too stop my thoughts or subconscious mind from what seems to me as being "broadcast" to people and technology around me. My main problem is the fear that my mind is being read. Hopefully some of you have some advice for me; other than wearing a tinfoil hat, jk. I'm currently taking Zyprexa and Geodon if you were wondering what my meds were. Thanks in advance.

I want to be mean and say "Look behind you" or "Your mind is like a book to me" lol. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/bicycle.gif)

Actually, your schizophrenia can give you a real edge in magickal practices as your mind is already at least partially loosened from the typical views of reality, but the downside is... well... derangement. It's something of a cursed gift I suppose with benefits and drawbacks. I have to admit though that I'm a little worried about the fact that you are a schizophrenic who is interested in magick. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/fie.gif)

Coping with it won't be easy, but you might want to try meditation and clearing your mind. Try to control what you think. You could set up psionic shields as a protection mechanism to keep people out of your mind (real or imagined), but this will likely just feed your fear, or at best just cover it up. Another thing you might want to do is practice the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram every day to keep spirits from taking advantage of your mind during your stronger episodes.

To answer your question: control your thoughts and conquer your fears. That's the best advice I can give. Good luck.

Don't get it twisted, Schizophrenia is not a curse upon you!
I do not recommend any magickal practice to you, what I suggest though is that you take a look at eastern/oriental philosophy and meditation.
Meditation is good in that it will allow you to relax and observe your thought which is where you need to be patient and then trace your thoughts back too their souce, there must be a reason you feel vulnerable to others knowing your thoughts.
Meditaion, meditation, meditation! Do it 15mins every morning and everynight, then after a while slowly progress to 30mins every morning and night.
Look around the WWW, theres plenty of different forms you can choose from.
good luck,
peace,
Al

This post has been edited by al_zaine: Jul 21 2007, 07:03 AM

Interesting. How many famous/accomplished occultists in the past have suffered from mental illness...? I can think of a few who at least exhibited symptoms later on in life, but was it always present, just a natural part of aging or because of their practices? I wonder how mental illness hindered or helped their work?

Don't get it twisted, Schizophrenia is not a curse upon you!

Read the whole thing. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif) ...a cursed GIFT with benefits and drawbacks. My statement was a comparison to a very common adage. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/fool.gif)

greenmonkey, by all means, I think you should get into magick as you could probably do things that many of the rest of us could not. Try to use your weaknesses as strengths. A short person who is outnumbered by tall people has a weakness of strength and numbers, but in exchange, he has the strength of being faster and more maneuverable. Your Schizophrenia makes day-to-day life more difficult, especially in social situations, but in exchange you can more easily utilize magickal concepts that don't make sense to most others.

I think we all agree, however, that meditation is the way to go for coping with it. Control your thoughts and conquer your fears. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/bigwink.gif)

I will first say that I am not a psychologist, and that a psychologist/psychiatrist of the 'mainstream' following, will disagree with everything i'm going to say here.

That said, my best friend's older sister has childhood schizophrenia, and while I realize it's not the same thing, I lived with her and her family for almost four years and took a particular interest in her sister and spent a lot of time getting to know how she thought about things, what sort of energetic phenomenon was going on with her mind, and the affect that it had on her and her sense of reality.

First of all, under no circumstances should you get involved with magick at this point, and I cannot stress that enough. Your condition is a limitation in that specific way, but understand also that the 'gate' as it were, between your conscious and unconscious/subconscious mind, is wide open for you. Typically a magickal practitioner develops the same condition, but in a specifically controlled manner - or in the worse-off cases, a less controlled manner - which is to say, schizophrenia can be induced in practitioners who get lost in magickal endeavors. Psychological affliction is a danger of magick.

You are fighting a battle with your brain. In it's structural sense, your consciousness is composed of the same elements as anyone else's, but rather than confining that subtle structure into an organic frame, your brain isn't configured to hold the same standard. So, like a magician who has let the structure of his consciousness weaken without having prepared himself for it, your best chance at 'recovery' as it were, is indeed meditation. But, for you meditation will be different than for other people, just as it is for magicians who have 'warped' by magick.

When you come out the other side of it, then you'll be ready for magick, and for that matter you'll very likely be a gifted magician if you apply yourself.

The first thing to work on is controlling your thoughts. I realize that for you that's not going to be an easy thing, but if you work at it, it will happen as it would for anyone else. Sit down for some set time, each day, and simply focus on your breath, and work on maintianing a quiet mind. Blank your mind completely, for as long as you can. I will warn you, you will probably experience frightening visions, thoughts, etc., but while in a lucid and focused state of mind, create some kind of reminder of the task at hand, to be a kind of anchor for you. Not sigilization. Simply write a statement that is short and to the point on, for instance, a peice of paper that you tape to a wall that you are facing. If you start to stray off to act on some impulse or vision that has occurred, open your eyes, take a look at your statement, and then return to your meditation. You must build a structure through will, and that begins with being able to ignore those thoughts, and keep your mind quiet. Over time it will become a skill that you can employ at any time.

When you can keep your mind quiet for five minutes, without any intrusion by your lower mind, acquire some object, like a ring or pendant, and meditate with it. Let it become a reminder of that quiet period. Over time, you will be able to inhabit this quiet mind and consciously choose how to see reality. Not in the magickal sense, but in the sense that when you have impulses, fears, etc., you can consciously inhabit a quietude, and recognize what is real, and what is not.

Childhood schizophrenia is a form of developmental retardation - my friend's older sister seems to be the younger one because it caught her up, she never got proper treatment, and she is now comparable to a thirteen year old, though she is 26. However, though it took her a long time to get there, when she is reminded by her parents, she can stop, quiet her mind, and then rationalize from that point to overcome her episodes. If you've managed to graduate high school then you're better off than she is - possibly due to better treatment, or the difference between your specific condition and hers. But I know that it was hard for her, but she managed it with help.

So, step one - learn the quiet state of mind. One-pointedness, it's sometimes called. Or 'no mind'. It's as simple as wanting it to happen, and doing it every day religiously for at least ten minutes at a time. Set a timer. When you can do ten minutes, bump it up a minute at a time. When you can do it for half an hour, you're ready to manually start building a permanent structure. That's another discussion.

Good luck.

peace

Hello =)

I haven't introduced myself on this board yet, but I saw this topic and very much wanted to reply. I don't have schizophrenia, but I have had a psychotic disorder not-otherwise-specified since I was fourteen and I'm now twenty-two. I'm very much in the same boat as you, having done little except for get my GED and take a few college classes. But I am about to restart my life again, thanks to the help of a very good therapist, very good friends, and medication. Having mostly found my way out of my mess, I saw this topic and wanted to offer some words of advice from my experiences.

My main symptoms were:
disorganized thinking
hallucinations
occasional delusional thinking but not often at all

With one difference, that being that I realized that things "weren't right" and sought help, which seems to be atypical. I also hallucinate original music sometimes, which also is atypical. My great level of lucidity about my symptoms, as well as the unusual hallucinations, were two of the reasons I am psychotic disorder NOS instead of schizophrenic.

Anyway, now that I've laid that out....the most important thing I did to get out of it was maintaining a calm curiosity about things. What I mean by this is, when something weird happens, you hallucinate, you start spacing out....stay as calm as you can and ask "why." When you find the "why," then question that! And stay calm through the process as best you can. =) If you find yourself ruminating or overthinking things or otherwise not making progress, meditate and then start again once your mind is clear...which brings me to my next point...

Learn to meditate, lol. Meditation is medicine for the mind, and it can be done even in a highly psychotic state without harming oneself (or at least, I never came to harm by it and I've been pretty disorganized.) I've been doing it for two and a half years daily now. I'm no expert, but if you want me to paste a copy of a meditation guide I wrote for a friend in here on what I do, just ask and I'd be happy to. =) It's kinda long though so I'm leaving it out of this post.

I'd also advise to hold off on energy work or practices like it until you're more organized. I waited, and I'm glad I did. Although the practice of energy work has benefited me greatly, it also has had some weird "side effects", like being very spaced out once as some energy blockages cleared. Although I've spaced out before due to my disorder, this was very different, unlike anything I've felt previously. It was quite clearly the result of the energy work. So trying this stuff before you are organized can actually hurt you more than it helps you if you aren't sufficiently grounded in yourself, I imagine.

Well this post has gotten pretty long hehe, if you have any questions about my particular brand of psychosis, or about how I got out of it, I'd be happy to answer, just ask.

Couldn't figure out how to edit my post, but I wanted to add that at one point I was also so paranoid that people were out to get me that I could barely have social interactions, if I could have them at all. I've been over that for so long that I didn't remember. =) It is possible to escape from that sort of thing, I thought I never would, but it is. =)

Thanks for the replies, I started meditating about 1 year ago during my worst episode mentally, surprisingly my spirit side was totally under control. I did white void meditation and had a spiritual breakthrough,which I posted in the dream works forum awhile ago, and filtered and programmed all my thoughts and mind set in a C/C++ and scripting manner. My delusions were totally out of wack, I thought my family members had been replaced by clones and all sorts of crazy stuff. I don't meditate too much anymore because I usually go through nonstop psychotic imagery in my mind. I use to be into gore and snuff as a teenager; I even thought of going into mortuary science at one time. Now that stuff brings out a dark side of me and the memories meditation bring up feed it. I also forgot to mention, that when I'm depressed or paranoid I suffer from "night terrors." When falling asleep I have an out of body experience and see through something else's eyes. Then I usually am shocked back to consciousness and fall asleep shortly after. Also at time when trying to sleep I am visited by a dark spirit; I lose all control of my mind, I repeat the same thought repeatedly in monotone, my whole body is paralyzed except my eyes and I sometimes feel physical pain when it happens. This I think is a Vampiric demon that I once tried banishing from my house. It seems to feed off my fear and depression. Anyways I'll look into different ways to meditate and probably do the LBRP before I meditate. Is there anyway to clear the triggers and such that I've already done to my subconscious, so I can start over on controlling my thoughts?

[quote name='Slayden' date='Jul 22 2007, 08:14 AM' post='32400']
Read the whole thing. ...a cursed GIFT with benefits and drawbacks. My statement was a comparison to a very common adage. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/fool.gif)

Slayden.....don't get it twisted (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) but I was mainly commenting to greenmonkey and comforting his 'other-side' (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ogen_old.gif) that he hasn't been cursed, though I know that you said it is a cursed Gift. Schizophrenia is an illness but with that illness comes some interesting characteristics. Neverless, Schizophrenia is an illness and I would like to highlight that it is an act of magick to see yourself out of your illness and into health, happyness and understanding!
(P.S. I aint no (IMG:style_emoticons/default/fool.gif)) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/uglyhammer.gif)

greenmonkey, You wish to clear the triggers that set you off...... Its such a shame that the PTB(powers-that-be) banned Timothy Leary's treatment because that would have worked wonders for what you're after, the use of LSD to re-imprint your neurlogical processing system, All I could recommend for clearing the triggers is to first realise what the triggers are, then observe how these individual triggers work on your psyche and from there, its all about desensitization from those triggers.
Good luck greenmonkey!
Peace,
Al.

This post has been edited by al_zaine: Jul 25 2007, 05:57 AM

Something to consider: If anyone really could read your mind, why would they find what is in there interesting? Wouldn't they have found it themselves on their own terms and own methods, to their own experience already? If you are being followed, why? Did you do something that actually would have made you a target of a mugging, robbery, etc? In the case that you may have done something, Do you even know what kind of consequences are out there for such an action?

Or another thing, perhaps you may think it is "the government." A long time ago, I used to be paranoid about my own power, thinking that "The MKULTRA are gonna get me!"

At that time i decided to do research myself and find out what was going on. Turns out, that was the name for their LSD project in the 60's, thats all it really was. Once they went into psi-research, the funding was cut, and they pulled the plug on it. Whats more, just look at what a sloppy job they are doing with everything else right now in the world. Do you really think you would be at risk of being followed/watched if that person/organization would be that haphazard in their methods?

Or maybe it's just your power itself. No need to worry, Al Zaine had it right: Find out when your reality was at peace. The truth of higher realities is that they run on spiritual harmony. If you are out of synch, there is a view you are holding on to that is not congruent. When I self-reflect like that, I am more likely to find out what is wrong in my reality. But enough testimonial, just see if your mind and heart is at rest considering a certain subject. An example of the excercise:

1 Sit down, pull your shoulders back, and raise you chin a few degrees up.

2 Breathe in with your belly expanding a couple times.

3 Think of what it is you are worried about, ex: "My parents just want to make me suffer because they are neofascists"

4 Question what the problem is: "I am suffering, why?"

5 Question the constituents of the problem. Schizopherenics are said to be masters at perspective change! ex:"Is it really because they are fascist? Or are they just assholes?"

6 Question the factors of constituents, and reaffirm the facts: "Well, they DID have a bad childhood... why did they take it out on me?"

7 Realize what to do about the situation: "Maybe I should move out. That way i dont have to deal with their abuse, brainwash, and bullshit."

8 Realize the true problem: "I can't believe i actually bought into their view of reality!! F*ck that, I'm gonna have myself a good time!"

soon you will realize that it is a problem of allowing other people's realities to affect yours. I suggest Left Hand Path mysticism. No path, as far as i know, is as effective as LHP in reaffirming one's OWN sense of reality, whilst rejecting others. LHP healing seems like what you need the most.

Question, is Left Hand Path black magic or "satanism?" I prefer white magic, and don't use black magic because its against my morals. Unless there is LHP thats gray magic I really wouldn't be interested.

Question, is Left Hand Path black magic or "satanism?" I prefer white magic, and don't use black magic because its against my morals. Unless there is LHP thats gray magic I really wouldn't be interested.

LHP doesn't HAVE to involve magick of any sort. Many just adopt it as a philosophy for life. Then ofcourse there are those LHP mages/sorcerors that actually do practice magick.
If i may something i will say this: there are no rules in the LHP or any religion really. You interpret it as you will. That means that a LHPathist can practice white magick as oppoosed to black magick (which is to be expected). Don't let anyone tell you what to do


(IMG:style_emoticons/default/angel.gif)

Only a professional can really help you.

I imagine you already know a lot about schizophrenia and know more about your state of mind that anybody else as well. Schizophrenia is described by some psychiatrist as a "psycho-spiritual crisis". Treatment depends on the exact type as schizophrenia seems to be caused by both genetic and environmental factors. One psychiatrist (I can't remember his name) claimed that schizophrenics choose be sick. Not that they choose to get schizophrenia but they choose to remain as such. He claimed that if a schizophrenic desires to be better than get better.

According to him (I will try to find his name and litterature you can follow up on) what one should do is tap into their logical and rational mind to understand the nature of their erratic behavior, delusional thinking and hallucinations. Do not feed into them through magick. That is the danger of magick in your case I wouldn't recomend engaging in any further ritual magick. By banishing "demons" or doing other such feats you acknowledge your sickness and give it control over you. Whenever you have a hallucination you should dissociate yourself from the situation. Sort of step back from yourself and and realize that what you are experiencing is not real only that it can be scary and confussing. Calm yourself down and take control of yourself and examine your state of mind. What are you doing what are you thinking? What could have triggered your episode? Learn the triggers if you have not already. I have read somewhere that laughter is an excellent way to "banish hallucinations". This works on the principle that you are not acknowledging your episode, but rather realizing just how absurd they are and use that to generate a sense of humor that, in theory, grounds the mind back into a state of normalicy. Also Use a day and a dream journal to look for patterns both while you are awake and dreaming. Some also describe schizophrenia as never being fully awake and succeptable to dream like conditions 24-7.

You mentioned depression and paranoia. Both of these are usually caused by chemical imbalances. This imbalance can happen for a number of reasons and sometimes there doesn't appear to be any external cause. Some people are simply genetically predisposed to such mental disorders. Life style changes can be effective in dealing with both. As well as counciling. I would not recomend drugs if possible in treating these two because in my opinion drugs only mask the condition an enable the person to continue in their disruptive pattern of behavior that caused either. If you can understand the triggers to your episodes you can learn to control your depression and paranoia.

Some also describe schizophrenia as a person having an evil, magickal, doppleganger or twin. In metaphysical terms schizophrenia is like a form of soul fragmentation. If you are looking for a metaphysical "magickal" cure for your condition this is what I would look into - soul craft, shamanism. Soul fragmentation occurs because of repressed emotions - especially fear and anger. It can also hapen because of abuse - physical, sexual, even verbal. Another very common cause of schizophrenia is guilt. A number of schizophrenics simply can't bare something they may have done or should have but did not and so they generate their own fantacy world and live in it. Being a schizophrenic is like a part of you is trying to attack yourself because of the trauma or repressed emotions boiling over. While you can supress your episodes, this is only temporary. The hardest part of treating schizophrenia is dealing with the pain, what ever that maybe, and moving on in life. That is why you need the help of a professional.

A schizophrenic is not happy. They have no sense of fulfilment and feel helpless to find happiness. Sometimes they may feel that they do not diserve to be happy. They live in a state of constant crisis and confussion. According to this guy who's name I just can't remember, this is why schizophrenics "choose" to be schizophrenics. They know what is wrong with them. They might even know all the triggers and the causes for their condition - they simply choose to not get better and instead remain in a state of misery. Getting past the pain and controling the episodes is only half the battle. The rest is in maintaining a life style that promotes happiness, fullfillment and spiritual contentment. If you do not move past the causes of the disease and work towards living a better life, where you are in control , you are in essence choosing to remain sick.

Don't scape goat, don't cut any corners, don't be in denial, don't minimize your condition, sure as hell don't ignore it and above all else don't hold onto the the attitude that you will not get better and live a better life. This is what is called "stinking thinking" and it can ruin years of therapy. If you want to get better you actually have to want to be better and motivated to work to get better.

Now knowing all of this is you choose to not get help from a professional, or you deny yourself treatment you are choosing to be a schizophrenic.

LHP doesn't HAVE to involve magick of any sort. Many just adopt it as a philosophy for life. Then ofcourse there are those LHP mages/sorcerors that actually do practice magick.
If i may something i will say this: there are no rules in the LHP or any religion really. You interpret it as you will. That means that a LHPathist can practice white magick as oppoosed to black magick (which is to be expected). Don't let anyone tell you what to do


(IMG:style_emoticons/default/angel.gif)

Ha ha ha, you just basically said that LHP is meaningless, as are all titles.

Doesn't LHP mean that, in the end, you look out for number 1 first, then mabey others? as opposed to RHP which focuses on selflessness and the betterment of others first, and yourself second?

Some also describe schizophrenia as a person having an evil, magickal, doppleganger or twin. In metaphysical terms schizophrenia is like a form of soul fragmentation. If you are looking for a metaphysical "magickal" cure for your condition this is what I would look into - soul craft, shamanism. Soul fragmentation occurs because of repressed emotions - especially fear and anger. It can also hapen because of abuse - physical, sexual, even verbal. Another very common cause of schizophrenia is guilt. A number of schizophrenics simply can't bare something they may have done or should have but did not and so they generate their own fantacy world and live in it. Being a schizophrenic is like a part of you is trying to attack yourself because of the trauma or repressed emotions boiling over. While you can supress your episodes, this is only temporary. The hardest part of treating schizophrenia is dealing with the pain, what ever that maybe, and moving on in life. That is why you need the help of a professional.

Thank you Acid09, your reply was the most helpful so far. I do see a psychiatrist occasionally. What you said about schizophrenics having a doppleganger or evil twin is true in my case. There is a dark side to me that I've encountered before, it seemed to be my soul out of my body, but I had no awareness of him spiritually or mentally, until he attacked a friend of mine. I did not consciously control any of his actions and was blamed for the attack. My condition I believe was caused by suppressing guilt and depression for too long. It went from guilt, to depression, to paranoia, to psychosis. I'm interested in shamanism, but don't know where to start with it. From what I've read all shamans are schizophrenic and treat the illness without medication. If you have any good information on shamanism or a way too rid reemerge the lost part of my soul, any reply would be very helpful.

http://www.spiritreleasement.org/intro/soulintro.html

I only took the top link off a google search as it seemed relevant. I'd suggest you look further into the subject yourself.

Ultimately I think in order to have a successful soul recovery you'd need to have at least the assistance of a real shaman. Ideally the shaman would do the soul recovery him/her self. Soul recovery essentially requires one to venture into the spirit world and attempt to coerce the soul back to the sick person where the shaman would then "mend" the soul back in place where it will merge and heal with the person. After such a ritual the person will then spend a period of time away like on a vacation or secluded in a peaceful environment to fully recover and make sure their soul fragment does not reject the host. This would also require the presance of someone at least able to guide an individual through the process.

I would very suggest you do not attempt to do a soul recovery ritual yourself. If the fragment rejects you it might be lost for good or may never be willing to return. Again I stress the importance of avoiding ritual magick all together and stick to conventional medicine. Then sometimes conventional medicine isn't enough. And if that has failed then I wish the best of luck.

Another suggestion I'd is looking into eastern philosophy and medicine, particularly meditation. So browse the eastern traditions section of this site or search web. If you have a lybrary near by, unless its in the deep back woods of Alabama, will likely have books or access to books on Eastern philosophy. I think eastern philosophy has a more grounded approach towards the human mind, imho.

Ha ha ha, you just basically said that LHP is meaningless, as are all titles.

Doesn't LHP mean that, in the end, you look out for number 1 first, then mabey others? as opposed to RHP which focuses on selflessness and the betterment of others first, and yourself second?

To Slayden,

I think that is a fruitful way of viewing both paths.
LHP is the path of the self
RHP is the path of humanity/Gods

Alexandros

Greetings Greenmonkey.

I don't have Schizophrenia but my brother has and in a sense i know what you're going through. I won't give advice like 'learn to control your thoughts' because from my experience that will fall into the void. If you were able to control them and seperate reality from illusions you wouldn't be sick to begin with, i understand that during the episodes these illusions make perfect sense to you.
I suggest that you won't get yourself involved with magick. My brother who was always curious with stuff like that got worse and there was a time when he thought he was possed by devil and another time he thought he was Zeus .... Luckily for him and us he didn't do anything like try to fly or something.
Magick is a tricky subject as it is and i don't think you need anymore confusion at this stage.
Now, if someone else could do it for you ... that would be better and safer.There are some entities like Marbas or Archangel Raphael who could help in your cure.
Also there is a belief that the soul makes these choices before incarnating, so in a sense you chose to go through this, you can make a prayer ( to Raphael perhaps ) everyday stating that you recall that programm and that you want to be cleared.
I wish you the very best of luck.