Somebody Please Help Me, Help Options

Hello, this is one of my last attempts to find the answers I have been searching for; here is my story:

Ever since I was younger there has always been something different about me, one of those things you can just feel. There are points and times in my life that I have no memory of yet my long term memory serves me quite well. I have always been smart, intuitive, a fast learner and very quick at adapting. I have memories or dreams of lives that are not my own. I have always been a very nocturnal person, but the day time serves as no real obstacle for me. I am a people person and a social butterfly, hell, I’m a social network of butterflies lol. My clairvoyance seems to be above the normal déjà vu. When thinking about somebody, it is not at all unlikely for them to call, text, or show up. I can read people very well, and most have no problem opening up to me; it is as if they don’t have a choice. My personality is that of an extrovert, I draw most of my energy from others around me, but I have no problem with a supply of my own. It as if I am feeding from it somewhere whether it is around me or not, and to top it off I can go extremely long periods of time without food. I am very good at manipulation though I try to catch myself in the act. I have a history of lucid dreaming and night terrors. I was born catholic, raised Baptist, and now being 20 I have learned to think for myself and accept and respect everyone’s views weather we agree on them or not. When I was younger I would have strange dreams apart from the others dreams that I couldn’t quite explain. When I was in my early teens I tampered with magic not understanding the full extent of it. I think I opened something in me, something that made me stronger, made me more, but it terrified me and I performed one last spell to lock it away behind a wooden framed door with a skeleton keyhole in my mind. I became skeptical and over the years things went back to normal. But in the past year maybe two it’s like something is stirring inside me; crawling through my veins. One other thing, even in the years that things died down again, the full moon has always fascinated me and it makes me crave, it makes me feel odd, and it makes me feel alive. Crave what, you may ask, but I do not know the answer to that question. Though often feels as if I need to feed off of energy, or some sort of power source, I tend to be more active on the fool moon, and I tend to stay around people or music that makes me feel well energized.

I have searched high and low for answers, but maybe I’m not looking deep enough or maybe I just can’t figure it out. So, I am here as a cry for help. I don’t know who, or what I am. I have explored many fields, but I have never asked.

If you need any other information then ask.

A few things you should know.

I was born September 23, 1989. The 23rd of that month falls on the traditional zodiac calendar of the Libra, Virgo cusp.

I believe my animal is the wolf, or at least that’s what a few tests have told me and it is also my favorite animal.

I care about the earth and nature almost as if it were a person

One of my elements is air I believe, and I’m not sure of the other

I have never believed in Candle magick, not that it doesn’t work, just that it does not for me.

I have a very strong belief in my opinions, beliefs, and morals

I have a very deep history, though I do not know a lot about it.

I have an adaptive personality.

Lastly, I am able to do this thing that feels as if I am pulsating my entire body, or as if a surge is going through it. All I have to do is focus on doing it or have my eyes on a focal point.

Anything else, then you might just have to ask and I will do my best to answer with all my knowledge.

IF you have reached the end of this then thank you for listening and I really hope to hear from somebody soon.

Thank you,
Nick

Greetings Nicose,
I'll cut straight through the red tape. Just why is this your last attempts for what your are searching for? Seriously. I don't need a kettle full of melodrama dropped in my lap!
You appear to be fairly articulate and with that comes a fair amount of research. Do you suspect that you are a theriomorph? There are a number of internet Forums geared to this peculiarity. One of our old(er) members runs an esoteric shop and can put you in touch with a host of theriomorphs. The whole psychic vampirism thingshould sortitself out. Have youundergone any transformational phenomena? Without a psych couch and a number obsessions, it will have to behit or miss. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/connie_mini_oldman.gif)

Added note: If this 'problem' has been coming around for a while now....why haven't you done more to address it? You aren't living in a bubble, are you? The cat's out of the bag, so to speak...
What is this allusion to Candle Magic? ??? OK...whatever floats your boat. You have left us with too mant unansweed questions and alot of 'suspence'. I'd say try again, listing some of the more salient features of your self and go from there...!!! If we are to help we must first understand the whole 'immediacy' of this situation.!

>>When I was in my early teens I tampered with magic not understanding the full extent of it.

indicating that it was a bad experience? - hmmm

>>wolf

an old story goes that a woman always saw wolves until finally she asked the wolf "are you my spirit animal?", and the wolf said "no", and she says "well, why do i always see you?" and the wolf replied "we are always watching you, because we don't trust you" and the woman said "so what is my spirit animal if not wolf?" and the wolf, shocked that this troublemaker would ask a wolf such a question, said "how the f@#$ would i know?" and the woman, enlightened, said "oh i see"

i always get a kick out of that story

I dont know what a theriomorph, and what I found from a lil bit of reading, no I am not a beast in man form. And no I havent gone through any type of metamorphosis that I know of. Candle magick just isnt my cup of tea. I gave you information about myself that presented questions. The answers to those are what I am looking for, not somebody who acts as if I am "kettle full of melodrama"

If there are any questions please feel free to ask them as bluntly as possible (no runnin around bushes lol) and I will do my best to answer them to my full knowlege

p.s. no it wasnt a bad experience, but I was 13 and I became afraid.

This post has been edited by Nicose: Apr 28 2010, 06:37 PM

Nicose,
It is impossible to ferret out information when none is given.

Hello, this is one of my last attempts to find the answers I have been searching for; here is my story:

This would imply that you are reaching a 'end' of your search. Why?

Ever since I was younger there has always been something different about me, one of those things you can just feel. There are points and times in my life that I have no memory of yet my long term memory serves me quite well. I have always been smart, intuitive, a fast learner and very quick at adapting. I have memories or dreams of lives that are not my own. I have always been a very nocturnal person, but the day time serves as no real obstacle for me. I am a people person and a social butterfly, hell, I’m a social network of butterflies lol. My clairvoyance seems to be above the normal déjà vu. When thinking about somebody, it is not at all unlikely for them to call, text, or show up. I can read people very well, and most have no problem opening up to me; it is as if they don’t have a choice. My personality is that of an extrovert, I draw most of my energy from others around me, but I have no problem with a supply of my own. It as if I am feeding from it somewhere whether it is around me or not, and to top it off I can go extremely long periods of time without food.

Again...my allusion to your possible 'theriomorph' condition. You pattern like a psychic vampire. Alot of theriomorphs do...

. When I was younger I would have strange dreams apart from the others dreams that I couldn’t quite explain. When I was in my early teens I tampered with magic not understanding the full extent of it. I think I opened something in me, something that made me stronger, made me more, but it terrified me and I performed one last spell to lock it away behind a wooden framed door with a skeleton keyhole in my mind.

You alone hold that key... I suggest that you dig up everthing from your past that might pertain. Since you are not that old, the memories should be fairly fresh. Especially so if you are as talented as you say you are.

But in the past year maybe two it’s like something is stirring inside me; crawling through my veins. One other thing, even in the years that things died down again, the full moon has always fascinated me and it makes me crave, it makes me feel odd, and it makes me feel alive. Crave what, you may ask, but I do not know the answer to that question. Though often feels as if I need to feed off of energy, or some sort of power source, I tend to be more active on the fool moon, and I tend to stay around people or music that makes me feel well energized.

Again, the lunar influences, ones of glamor and change. What kind/brand of magic did you practice?

I have a very strong belief in my opinions, beliefs, and morals
I have a very deep history, though I do not know a lot about it.

That leaves us both at the base of your stone wall.
There is alot of the melodramatic about your post. You come close to giving some clues and then backpedal away. A good place to start would be to go to the Member Profile Page and fill it in as much as possible. If you expect or even want people to help you, you must be willing to meet them half-way! I'd be more than happy to help but I can't work with what you've given me. And...for the record, I'm old enough to be your great-grandfather and when you present TRIPE, that is what you'll get! Capiche?

You give knowledgeable feed back, but you tend to add a slight tone to your responses. I have no disrespect towards you, but respect is respect regardless of age. Your choice of wards and tone suggest that you are a type of person who doesn't mind a challenge but with that comes debating and fondness of "going back and forth" with others. I do not know you so that is merely my observation.

I'll cut straight through the red tape. Just why is this your last attempts for what your are searching for? Seriously. I don't need a kettle full of melodrama dropped in my lap!

I did not drop it there, you made conscience choice to answer.

Nothing that I wrote was, as you say, "TRIPE"; nonsensical.

I don’t know who, or what I am

The entire message was a list of events or situations, characteristics, and history to give others a ground to start on. I can not make sense of some of the things that have happened to me; why I feel a certain way; or "talents" that I possess, and I was hoping that maybe somebody else could point me in a direction or has knowledge of how my traits relate to anything in particular. You ask

Do you suspect that you are a theriomorph?

, when I honestly don't know the answer. So to put my question more straight forward?

Given the details, can anyone give me any information on what I might be, or point me in a direction that could help me find out?

I have no ill will towards you, so putting all strife strife aside, I will look into the articulate part of our conversation and look into theriomorphs. Thank you for that information.

Now to answer your questions directly:

This would imply that you are reaching a 'end' of your search. Why?

To be more precise, this is the beginning of the end. I have looked on and off for many years. In some fields I am very conversant, while in others I am not so well informed. The Internet is full of lies, fiction, and quite frankly bull s@#$. Even research through libraries has proven difficult with the amount of frauds out there. Though, I realize that there may be many of those types of people may be in this forum; it has over 5,000 members and growing. I feel that somebody must know something or be able to help in sort of capacity, and I am willing to work others who are kind enough to help me 'make sense of things'.

Again...my allusion to your possible 'theriomorph' condition. You pattern like a psychic vampire. Alot of theriomorphs do...

I do know a good deal in psychic vampires, whether natural or learned. I have always had a very strong fixation with vampires so this was one of my earlier studies; not practices. When it comes to me naturally, subconsciously, or unintentionally feeding off the energy of my surroundings, I can see why someone would draw the conclusion of the relation or similar characteristics that you pointed out. What doesn't make sense is why I seem to emit energy as well, almost as if I am overproducing it as I am feeding off of it. It also doesn't explain how my mood can rub off on others or why I am able to lift myself out of a 'funk' without outside influences. An example of my mood acting outwards is: I can be in a down mood and act completely different on the outside to avoid the questions of, "whats wrong", and etc. but unless I am fully aware and focusing inward others around will begin to feel the same way. On-the-other-hand, When I focus that for of energy inwards it eats away at me, but I can still put on that smiling face and everyones mood remains their own.)

I know 'little next to none' about theriomorphs and will do some research into it.

You alone hold that key... I suggest that you dig up everthing from your past that might pertain. Since you are not that old, the memories should be fairly fresh. Especially so if you are as talented as you say you are.

The binding spell that I cast on myself should not have been that strong at 13. Is it possible that the, previously discussed, amount of energy gave it some sort of boost. I do not believe that I cast any other successful spells before that, and the only spell I use now is, "Time go back, Now time be still, Time retract, And grant my will" while I focus on clock going counterclockwise. It was something that I came up with when I was late one day and I got to where I needed to be a lot fast than I should have. I cant run, be in a rush, AND focus, so I began to walk a steady eased pace and chanted.
A simple unbinding spell doesn't work, and I have explored that area of my mind in great detail, yet I have not been able to get through.

Again, the lunar influences, ones of glamor and change. What kind/brand of magic did you practice?

I only tried to practiced simple spells and one potion that I created to endow my amulet. The stuff I tampered with that I shouldn't have was evoking spirits, deities, demons. I do not remember a single name though or whom I called. At the time there had already been the issue with over amount of energy but at the time I recognized it another way and I craved more. So I summoned a whole slew of entities into myself instead of a circle or safely performed ritual. I will correct myself here, because that was the first spell that worked. I started acting weird, saying/doing weird things, talking in a different tongue that makes no sense to me and follows no rules of language and repetitions, yet I understand it. It was as if my mind had begun to work differently.

Though I practiced little, I did my research into my studies; some more than others.
Magick it its basic form
Energy
Wiccan
Pegan
The books of Enoch
Tera
Clairvoyance
Astral Projection
Meditations
Alchemy
Demonology

To name a few
I also explored other religious views and philosophy.



Hopefully this has given you and whoever else that may be reading more insight.
I will be filling out a member profile when I wake.
'Nite to all

and as Truman would say, "Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!"

This post has been edited by Nicose: Apr 29 2010, 04:40 AM

I need more information....! OK Members....tell me what I'me miissing!!



He obviousioslly has a physical form
.He requires sleep...
He doesn't care for Candle Magic,
He is drawn to lunar emanations.
His wit is rather blunt.
He has played abit with 'temporal magic'.
He doesn't rmember his recent past of 7 years.
There are hints of temporal urgencency concerning the whole matter.

You have more information than you realize, again I will lay down the facts.

Yes, I obviously* has a physical form
I require little sleep
I am a zodiac cusp
I am drawn to lunar emanations.
I have dabbed in temporal magic
I said nothing of not remembering my recent past of seven year, I specifically pointed out what I did not remember.
There is no urgency


I'm actually going to stop right there because there is more than enough information between my previous posts. All you have to do is look. As well as the fact that it still seems as if you have a tone to your posts, but thank you for sustaining from slander.

if you need more information then ask, its not hard. thus far I have answered the questions that you have presented.

My tone is what it is. You may have noticed all the email you've received. Unless you're willing to further disclosure, I invite you to leave.

I don't know how to check personal messages on here. I can't not find the area.

I am a zodiac cusp

In presenting personal astrology information, it is usually helpful to note your birth time and location. A five minute error, or fifty miles out of place, and the whole chart is different. You'll get the same planetary positions, but the houses will be nonexistent or meaningless, leaving your interpreter in the dark and defeating the purpose of providing the information in the first place.

Ok im not sure if you have studied much into vampyres. I am a psi vamp and most of the symptoms you described happened to me during my awakening the need to feed of energy i prefer to feed off nature just beacuse it seems to gather energy back rather quickly. But this is something i would suggest you look into. It also sounds like you might be haveing past life regretions but again im not to sure just look into some psi vampyre symptoms and things to see if it matches your's. A great website that helped me out alot is

www.vcmb.org

Sorry if i get introuble for the link admins. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/i_triangle.gif)

Given the details, can anyone give me any information on what I might be, or point me in a direction that could help me find out?



I have seen many post like this from young people on other sites (and here). You are overly sensitive to your inner experiences, think you are special, and want someone to define your special experiences to you to help you label yourself. You've searched high and low to find answers to your specialness but nothing has been satisfactory. This helps you feel even more special, though.

If you want answers, perhaps you should better define your interests and what you want to actually do in relation to occultism or whatever instead of telling us about your sun sign, your social life, sleep habits, personality, and your special powers of hypersenstivity or fascination with the moon.

Most occultists are sensitive to internal and external energy patterns and can channel or absorb them. This is not unique.This is par for the course. Many occultists are sensitive to elemental and planetary energies of one type or another and generally go about expanding on their relationships with those energies. So, if you are attracted to lunar energies, then your task as an occulist is to explore that through experimentation and research to see what you can learn. You are not unique in this either. I know many people who feel affected by and work with lunar energy. I also know many people who do not sleep much.

Most occultists, folk practitioners ("witches"), esotericists, yogis, etc. have heightened sense perception (or believe they do) and experience what seem like clairvoyant and synchronystic episodes. Self-referencing thoughts and behavior (compulsively seeing messages and patterns and thinking that things happen especially as signs and messages for and about you) is a sign of mental illness, though. And deja vu is not a supernatural experience; it is a neurochemical glitch that makes you feel like you are having a memory about something while it is occurring.

Many occultists identify with archetypes, familiars, animal forms, "spirit guides" and/or "godforms" which they feel in communion with during meditative or ritual work and which they call upon in different ways in magical workings and in managing daily life. Occultists who are healthy, normal people distinguish between ordinary reality and what goes on in their inner magical or spiritual astral world that they draw from for insight and inspiration.


Not sleeping or feeling like you don't need sleep, having little or no appetite, self-referencing thoughts, thinking that you thrive on pulling energy from others, , and memory deficits, frankly all seem like the manic side of bipolar disorder to me.

You should be careful revealing your birth information online publicly - the name of your evil genius can be calculated based on guidelines from Agrippa and used to curse you.

it seems to me that you have enough information to determine your own situation and act accordingly - i suppose the biggest problem is we don't know what you want

summing up a human with the sort of information you gave is meaningless too - we all have bodies, and those bodies need sleep, have various astrological quirks, have played with various forms of magic, etc.

since there is no such thing really as time, there is no time constraint on you finding yourself, and the allusion to the 'final time' is meaningless unless you are giving up on something, which it seems you aren't

so, what is it you want? - some sort of label? - some sort of 'oh you are a whatever' so that it all suddenly makes sense?

you have an adaptive personality (which all humans have), so choose what you want to be and adapt yourself to that form - and beliefs and opinions are not just beliefs and opinions they are anchors that hold you back from adapting

forget belief, forget labels, forget everything that is anything, and just BE YOURSELF, the you that is you - no labels, no limitations, no expectations

choose, then become

and please god don't say you choose to be a super-duper superhero magician in the physical plane like all the 11 year olds out there, because this is a dualistic wortld, and difficult enough without putting yourself into that mindset - just learn what there is to learn that interests you and forget the rest

oh, if we were to take that laundry list of information you gave and immediately recognize that you are a whatever then i'm afraid you're in for a disappointment as nobody even noticed, and most of us probably wouldn't care as we are working through our own dark nights, etc, and we have no passion for guessing games

there is nothing special about anyone or anything, sorry

evil genius lol - thanks i needed a good laugh

evil genius lol - thanks i needed a good laugh

Not kidding about that, at least not completely.

Chapter XXI

Not kidding about that, at least not completely.

lol ya think they'd read/do agrippa? lolololol - not being mean or anything but its not basic fare, and the conjuration of the evil genius is not exactly as easy as just having the birth date and time either - i suppose it could happen though - oh! all those facebook and myspace entries! - i usually always use 1966, though its not even close, for security reasons on social sites and those stupid things that check your age - do they really expect women to tell the truth about their age? - anyway, its always good to remain distinct from one's computer persona so you don't get shot or something if you piss somebody off even accidentally

i just checked my info here - 2 july 1949 lol!

This post has been edited by esoterica: May 3 2010, 09:13 AM

93 Nick,

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

From a Thelemic perspective, I would say that you are experiencing the psychological / demonic repercussions of your choice to repress rather than accept, discipline, and control. We must conquer the demons that exist within us, and we can only conquer through love - the only force that can unite the divided.

Unlock your beast, learn of it, confront it, incorporate it, and learn how to harness it against what you fear in yourself.

Love is the law, love under will.

I would to start off by saying thank you to all those with helpful advice. Secondly, I would like to put a warning out there to those of you who jumped to conclusions, brought slander, and those who chose to categorize me. Many people everyday reach out for help, and many of those need it. The way you interact with them can be on a detrimental scale of life and death; the smallest thing can unbalance any scale. To the one who invited me to leave, I would like to invite you to your silence. This was a message that I wrote, reaching out to a collective community and you decided to answer. To those who do not see the meaning behind the information I provided, I am sorry. My search has no real steady path, only a question I hope to find the answer to. Therefore, what ever information that I provided was information that I thought may be beneficial, and none of it pointed in any real directions. A few responses decided to point out flaws or speculations about myself or my message, and I am sad to say that two of you have further proven a point to myself that the human race cares more about itself individually rather than collectively.

To the one that expressed to me to find myself, I am a very open person and I am also, for the most part, in tune with myself. I am me and I live everyday like that. I will continue to study my experiences and I will continue to be an individual. I do not believe in labels because nobody falls under a cingle category.

To the person who basically believes that I feel as if I am more than what I am, and that seek approval through confirmation of others, well honestly im tired of typing in a non confrontational way though I will keep it pg. You can take you psycho analysis bull and shove it somewhere. I've heard enough of that and I've had my fare share of life despite how young I am, and despite the constant need for adults to feel as if they no more about life than youth.

Anyway thank you to those who care, and I will continue to research, and I do hope that there are those who will be here to guide and support me.

Thank You,

Nicholas

If anyone has any questions please message me. Again, thank you.

>>none of it pointed in any real direction

well, that answers that - summing up a human as a human-type human pretty much sums it up

and i still don't know what nicholas wanted

anyway, hope he found what he was looking for, and we do care, you just have to earn it - there are lots of nuts on the internet and a lot of them roll down here - since a lot of us are psi vamps, we don't mind the nuts as they are a nice snack without that run-of-the-mill everyday-old flavor

perhaps it was just the old comfortable feeling of 'acceptance' he was looking for - that wanting to be unconditionally loved that the church so often uses to lure in newbies and oldies alike - i sometimes forget about that 'comradeship' feeling when i'm beset with a bunch of invisible entities plucking at me for attention - there are lonely people in this world, but they need not be lonely if they would just look to the invisible world!

enjoy,

es

Alright, let me take a crack at this.

First of all, Nicose, I'm sorry that you felt attacked by the membership here, but try to understand that we get a lot of people - of a wide range of ages - who come in hoping that other people will engage them in their fantasies so that they can have a sense of "Well i'm not special in my real life, so maybe I can be special to a bunch of people who don't know me". Being that this forum was founded on and is largely engaged by serious occultists for whom this 'activity' is a lifestyle, I'm sure you can understand how frustrating it is. There are certain earmarks and red flags that make these people stand out and I'm afraid you just tripped a few of them off.

Now, I'm not sure what kind of community you live in, or what kind of family and friends you've had growing up, so its possible that you just haven't encountered anyone else with a personality like yours. Absent a frame of reference for human experiences of this variety, it's easy for a person to take them and suddenly have life altering questions. Most of us have similar reactions when we very first encounter some occult experience. Some of us also had not sounding board of any kind - especially in the days before the 'net, or for those of us that started very, very young - so I sympathize with the sense of being lost and having unanswered questions.

I hate to use a word like normal, but taken in a very grand context, everything that you've given us so far suggests that you're within the limits of normal human experience. Normal from the point of view of the entire breadth of that range of experience, which most thoughtful occultists and magicians will typically use as a guideline of judgement. It sounds to me like you're just on the more non-physical side of the spectrum. Some people focus entirely on purely physical experiences, and as a result develop into a reality where there are only physical stimuli available to their senses and their consciousness. They think they are normal and we are abnormal. On the flip side there are people who are extremely non-physically centered, who only experience stimuli from their own mind and from the less physical side of reality - those people you would call crazy, and they don't fit very well into society. To me it sounds like you are still within that range of experiences, most people are not people of extremes.

You're probably just naturally open to these kinds of experiences. I'm not suggesting you're entirely un-special - but everyone has their place in the range of humanness, and it sounds like you're starting to figure out where yours is.

To be fair, you did ask this question:

Given the details, can anyone give me any information on what I might be, or point me in a direction that could help me find out?

That question bugs most everyone here, because that question is asking for a label. If you didn't subscribe to labels and didn't want to be labelled, you wouldn't have asked a question like that. Let me just answer it be saying, you're still a perfectly imperfect human, nothing more and nothing less. What you need to do now is redefine for yourself what a human is, because whatever idea of humanity you have doesn't match your experience, and that's not because you have the correct definition of human and fall outside of it, it means your definition is limited.

When I was in my early teens I tampered with magic not understanding the full extent of it. I think I opened something in me, something that made me stronger, made me more, but it terrified me and I performed one last spell to lock it away behind a wooden framed door with a skeleton keyhole in my mind. I became skeptical and over the years things went back to normal. But in the past year maybe two it’s like something is stirring inside me; crawling through my veins.

If you read over this objectively I think you can see where it might give some of us a sense of drama, so be fair to us too.

That said, it sounds to me like you probably violated your paradigm at the time. In simple terms, you did something you weren't supposed to be doing, according to the rules set down by your gods since your birth (parents), and in so doing freed yourself momentarily from the dogma that had ruled your psyche until that point. It did make you stronger, and it did make you more than you were - it made you more free, it strengthened your sense of independence and selfhood. That may not sound fantastic or exciting, but it is the essence of magical power. You acted in that outside frame of mind to divest yourself of that scary sense of self-empowerment (and all the trouble that your old paradigm informs you will come of it), and go back to the safe reality you had before, where there are guidelines and laws that dictate who you are instead of requiring self-definition. That's fine, lots of people have that experience in different ways and don't recognize what it is or what is happening. Now you're craving that experience that you had before because again you want to take the next step into selfhood and true freedom. I'm glad that you are, instead of letting that one experience be the end of it, which it often is for many people. It can feel like it's under your skin, boring a hole through your brain, itching to get out of you. Because part of you wants to be free.

I can read people very well, and most have no problem opening up to me; it is as if they don’t have a choice. My personality is that of an extrovert, I draw most of my energy from others around me, but I have no problem with a supply of my own. It as if I am feeding from it somewhere whether it is around me or not, and to top it off I can go extremely long periods of time without food.

The part people opening up as if they don't have a choice is a MAJOR red flag for us. Usually that kind of talk is a hint for onlookers to hook on to and say "Oh, oh, you must be controlling people's behavior!" But fact is, I'm one of those people too. I have an open personality, I never mind sitting down and talking to anyone, and I don't mind when people vent on me - and all of that shows through my behavior with subtle body language clues in my interactions with people. Now people obviously don't read body language consciously most of the time, so they're not seeing the signs and thinking "Oh, i can talk to this guy", they're just in a place where they need to open up to someone and for 'some reason' I put them at ease and it all just comes pouring out. Then they apologize for taking up my time and gushing like that - they do this because it's common place in 'polite society', not because they snap out of a glamour or something, they're not really sorry at all; they're relieved because that stuff needed to come out and they needed the attention and energy at that moment. I don't mind because I have near limitless energy to give.

Energy comes from people, from food, from self-confidence and faith, from the sun, from the air we breath, and from body chemistry. And that's just a short list of things we all encounter. Having lots of energy is not unusual - having very little energy is unusual. I have taken a 40 day fast before, nothing but water and a very small slice of unlevened bread. I had some fantastic experiences at the end of it - and on and off for the last half of it too - (and I lost like 20 pounds). Humans can go a very long time without eating under the right conditions. Now, if you were working hard labor, going to the gym every other day, and raising children, you would find that you cannot go quite as long without food. With variations in metabolism, some people can go longer than others. Some people have to eat every day, or they will go into a coma.

That you can read people well probably means your a good communicator. That's excellent, but again not entirely worth noting in context to the aforementioned question

Given the details, can anyone give me any information on what I might be, or point me in a direction that could help me find out?

Though often feels as if I need to feed off of energy, or some sort of power source, I tend to be more active on the fool moon, and I tend to stay around people or music that makes me feel well energized.

So on the full moon you feel more of a craving for activity. I know this feeling very well, and I used to think about energy and 'feeding on it' very differently than I do now. But the full moon not only has a tidal affect which influences all living things in some way, not always the same way, it is also deeply rooted into our collective personality as a symbol of activity, dynamism, growth, cycles, etc. Everyone is fascinated by the moon, it's what she does to us. Sounds like she inspires partying in you.

Lastly:

I am able to do this thing that feels as if I am pulsating my entire body, or as if a surge is going through it. All I have to do is focus on doing it or have my eyes on a focal point.

Go do this while checking your blood pressure. If you can sustain it for some time you'll find that your pressure can go through the roof. I don't know if this is the same thing for you as it is for me, honestly, but for me it started out as a series of simultaneous fine muscle contractions throughout my trunk (you feel it in your arms and legs too, but the contractions are in the torso) that affected the pressures in my body in a subtle way. If you hold it long enough you'll get dizzy and maybe even pass out - I suspect it is unhealthy. However, I used that particular physical experience to learn how to do a similar action energetically, which is my 'focus' when I work with any kind of sustained energy. What you are describing sounds exactly like what I have experienced. This is probably the most uncommon element of your whole story, only because most people do not try to figure out just what they can control in their bodies. There is no such thing as a purely autonomic muscle, you can contract any muscle in your body consciously - including your heart - with practice. Of course, whether you should or not is a worthwhile question.

So, my conclusion for you, and the answer to the question you did most certainly ask, is that you are a particular variety of homo sapiens. Possibly a variety called to the occult in the way that many of us are, and it sounds to me like a confused variety, and with good reason. Breaking away from old paradigms, entering a new reality where things work differently and mean different concepts, where information is sometimes backwards entirely from what we knew before, can be confusing, even terrifying. And for most of us it feels at first like it is entirely abnormal so no one can fault you for wondering what is going on with you. For most it becomes hyper natural over time, and we start to think that the other way was the abnormal way the whole time.

Start exploring for yourself, start reading with and open mind and without holding on too tightly to what you find, never ignore your experiences, but never put them on a pedestal and get distracted by them either. The human being is a far more fascinating creature than most of them give themselves credit for, and that is a very sad way to live as one.

peace

I would to start off by saying thank you to all those with helpful advice. Secondly, I would like to put a warning out there to those of you who jumped to conclusions, brought slander, and those who chose to categorize me. Many people everyday reach out for help, and many of those need it. The way you interact with them can be on a detrimental scale of life and death; the smallest thing can unbalance any scale. To the one who invited me to leave, I would like to invite you to your silence. This was a message that I wrote, reaching out to a collective community and you decided to answer. To those who do not see the meaning behind the information I provided, I am sorry. My search has no real steady path, only a question I hope to find the answer to. Therefore, what ever information that I provided was information that I thought may be beneficial, and none of it pointed in any real directions. A few responses decided to point out flaws or speculations about myself or my message, and I am sad to say that two of you have further proven a point to myself that the human race cares more about itself individually rather than collectively.

To the one that expressed to me to find myself, I am a very open person and I am also, for the most part, in tune with myself. I am me and I live everyday like that. I will continue to study my experiences and I will continue to be an individual. I do not believe in labels because nobody falls under a cingle category.

To the person who basically believes that I feel as if I am more than what I am, and that seek approval through confirmation of others, well honestly im tired of typing in a non confrontational way though I will keep it pg. You can take you psycho analysis bull and shove it somewhere. I've heard enough of that and I've had my fare share of life despite how young I am, and despite the constant need for adults to feel as if they no more about life than youth.

Anyway thank you to those who care, and I will continue to research, and I do hope that there are those who will be here to guide and support me.

Thank You,

Nicholas

If anyone has any questions please message me. Again, thank you.

You must be a special snowflake. You're definitely not a wolf, they don't need that much attention; I thought I was a wolf once. If I were to diagnose a spirit animal it would be a house cat, they require lots of attention and petting; plus they get pompous and inflated. I have not seen any ask of help, what is it you're seeking little kitten? A stroke under the chin? Yes, you're very cute.

Nicose,

Everybody got up on the wrong side of the bed with a hangover and
answered before they had coffee.

>>Everybody got up on the wrong side of the bed with a hangover and
answered before they had coffee.

nah, i'm just naturally bitchy - comes from getting old i think - we were made for a 60 year physical lifespan and beyond that we either fall apart, or the prions get us, or we get bitchy seeing as we have seen too much and are very very jaded - nicose got my good side lol