Am I Mad? Options

Hi everyone

This has been a bit of a weird one.

For the past couple of months I have started developing a bizarre fear of the dark. It has steadily been getting worse and now I have to sleep with the light on at night.

Things started to get weird last week with me waking up at exactly 3:00am every night with my body spasming. My body has also experienced weird spasms on occassion when I´m lying in bed, but not at other times. Also on one occasion when lying in bed I felt something punch my knee from under my bed through the mattress. I wasn´t really sure if I was imagining stuff or whether it was real. Until tonight.

I felt more agitated then normal and but apart from that everything was normal, although I was not tired. Suddenly I felt a huge amount of terror, and something under the bed starting punching my leg with a regular rhythm. I know this sounds a bit cheesy, but there was also a sound that started as a low moan but got louder and higher in pitch until it was almost a roar. My visualisation abilities are rubbish, but I did kind of make out the outline of shapes in the room.

I hurredly did an impromptu version of the LBRP and the problems stopped. I even felt the mattress and bed sinking back down. However, I thought could just about see 2 very thin figures at the bottom of my bed.

I know I have a vivid imagination, but I think actually feeling the punches was a bit more than I could imagine. I have been doing a lot of pathworking, especially with the Qaballah recently, and have felt my abilities improve very rapidly in the past week, but I don´t know if there is any connection there.

Anyone got any ideas of what it is and what I can do?

Thanks.

We exist, or are conditioned to exist, inside a very stable and tight structural consciousness. magickal exploration leads to expansion of consciousness, and ultimately breaks that mold. Madness, temporary or permanent, is a possible side effect of this growth.

However, whether your mad or not should be the issue here. Deal with the problems that arise in the best way you know how to, stay centered, and remember that you're in control if you will step up and take the reigns.

Good luck. Personally, i recommend white light meditations.

peace

I should add that since then 2 scratches about 7-8cm long appeared the next morning where my leg was punched. I´ve done a clearing around the flat and nothing happenned last night thankfully, but it still bugs me a bit.

Thanks for the advice Vagrant dreamer. I´m following exactly what you reccomend

mad you are not.
However, the fear of the dark you speak of you must remove. It has no purpose. Even if there where someting going on, fearing it does not make it leave.
Do not let your fear bind you down.

refuse to fear.

You felt terror, yet terror is something that happens inside the mind, not outside in your room. Do you know for a fact that there was reason to feel terror.
You should try to find out what is happening at such times, however hard it may seem.

Thats about all i can think of given your situation. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Greetings!

I for one can safely say 'no you are not mad' unless I am too!

The reason for this bold statement - for the past twelve months (or more ) on almost a nightly occurrence I experience some unknown 'force' grabbing my feet in bed. Initially it was only if I had my toes peeping out the covers. But it has gradually progressed to my feet being held, pushed, grabbed when even under the covers. What is now worse is that the 'grabbings' have also extended to other areas of my anatomy. The side of my face and my groin area are the most recent. When the force touches me it is like an electric shock.

I have yet to hear any growling noises but I have had on a occasion an non-human whisper of the odd word.

So, I can perfectly understand your predicament. I've cleared my rooms (it happens in any room I sleep in so its not specific to one room) and cast spells, put up protection, 'closed my chakras down' etc etc.

My latest theory is that it is a manifestation of my own fears. That it is creations of my own mind which are haunting me! I have ventured to places where 'you face your own fears' when they manifest as terrible demons etc .. especially the dweller on the threshold etc .... so I have deduced it is possible to manifest your own phantasms that haunt you on the material plane. The latter is after all but one in countless levels of awareness. We are able, as magicians, to venture to other realms so why cant a fraction of our consciousness venture to this realm?

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/angel.gif)

Greetings!

I for one can safely say 'no you are not mad' unless I am too!

The reason for this bold statement - for the past twelve months (or more ) on almost a nightly occurrence I experience some unknown 'force' grabbing my feet in bed. Initially it was only if I had my toes peeping out the covers. But it has gradually progressed to my feet being held, pushed, grabbed when even under the covers. What is now worse is that the 'grabbings' have also extended to other areas of my anatomy. The side of my face and my groin area are the most recent. When the force touches me it is like an electric shock.

I have yet to hear any growling noises but I have had on a occasion an non-human whisper of the odd word.

So, I can perfectly understand your predicament. I've cleared my rooms (it happens in any room I sleep in so its not specific to one room) and cast spells, put up protection, 'closed my chakras down' etc etc.

My latest theory is that it is a manifestation of my own fears. That it is creations of my own mind which are haunting me! I have ventured to places where 'you face your own fears' when they manifest as terrible demons etc .. especially the dweller on the threshold etc .... so I have deduced it is possible to manifest your own phantasms that haunt you on the material plane. The latter is after all but one in countless levels of awareness. We are able, as magicians, to venture to other realms so why cant a fraction of our consciousness venture to this realm?

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/angel.gif)

You will know better than me but it sounds like some form of astral vampire from here.

Peace

Greetings

I'm not ruling out ANYTHING! So I will take on board your suggestion of astral vampire. I'm determined to clear myself of the blight!

The latest development which I've noticed over the last few weeks is the attachment of some type of string or cord to my left foot. Whenever the presence turns up I now sense a string or cord being pulled. The presence seems to pull the cord or the cord is pulled from my right hand side. Ironically, I have a sciatica problem which effects my left side. Chiefly my LEFT foot! I thought at first it was perhaps some attempt to heal me of the sciatica.

But then I recalled a strange recurring projection which happened to me when I was at hospital during post op after a major opration. I attribute this experience to the 'hauntings'. It was also at this time I sustained my sciatica.

Because I was on morphine pain relief I never read anytjhing into the projection until recently.

As I was drifing off into my drug induced sleep, troubled by the crazy hallucinations which the Morphine was giving me, I became aware that my consciousness had become like a TV screen. On the screen was a single symbol which then disappeared to be replaced by a very run down room and corridor in which three or four naked & misshapen entities stood. I was apparently a hostage of these nasties. The projection was extremely sexual in nature. One of the entities was female with misshapen breasts and strange genitals. I was then projected onto a normal looking street and made to assassinate an unknown person. I watched as I murdered the person. The projection then changed again. I was in a red sports car with my family. We were driving down a freeway/autobahn at a high speed. We crossed a bridge and the car went out of control. It flipped and ended up in the river beneath. I was aware then of drowning.

The projection then ended at this point with what was like a TV screen suddenly being switched off and one strange symbol replacing it in my consciousness.

I then had the exact same sequence of projections maybe three or four times the same day and over the next few days!

I can still recall it now and I know it is very significant. It is also linked to my sciatica and the haunting. I am aware of some strange linkage and but what?

Any ideas? Anyone recognise anything about the projection?

It is very strange also that I have developed a 'fixation' about having anything touch my feet since this time in hospital. I've put it logically down to spending too many nights in a hospital bed with tight sheets being forced to endure it like a torture. My feet are very sensitive to touch!

But the odd thing is that whatever is haunting me is also obsessed with my feet! Touching my feet etc ... but has since become 'bold' and now touches and prods elsewhere. Then there is the other succubus like presence which seems to be intent on grabbing my groin and being around whenever anything overtly sexual is going on in the room! Say no more! It seems again to be linked to the projection.

I have to say that prior to my time in hospital I never so much as had a presence touch my feet. Not for decades anyway. But, as a child I was subject to night hauntings and very likely a victim of abduction ... with recollections of strange entities coming into my room plus blind terror etc etc which is all well documented throughout SM

Matt (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Thanks to everyone who advised me here. It was all really helpful.

I did both LBRP and LRH and the problem vanished within a couple of days. Occasionally you get the feeling of something standing in the corner of my room, but it doesn´t seem to be hostile or anything so I kind of let it be.

No more fear or terror either. Again, thanks for advice everyone, It was well appreciated. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Jon

Thanks to everyone who advised me here. It was all really helpful.

I did both LBRP and LRH and the problem vanished within a couple of days. Occasionally you get the feeling of something standing in the corner of my room, but it doesn´t seem to be hostile or anything so I kind of let it be.

No more fear or terror either. Again, thanks for advice everyone, It was well appreciated. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Jon

When in doubt exorcisms and banishings certainly can never hurt anything. I am glad you are doing better.

Peace!

"in which three or four naked & misshapen entities stood. I was apparently a hostage of these nasties. The projection was extremely sexual in nature. One of the entities was female with misshapen breasts and strange genitals. I was then projected onto a normal looking street and made to assassinate an unknown person. I watched as I murdered the person."
Matt (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

This sounds like the evil gelal. Seriously in the vision or dream itself it seemed to echo spirit possesion. I have read your postings here so I know you have a very intuitive and metaphysical mind. Of course you have more information to anyliaze than I do but from where I am the situation seems to be screaming for banishings and exorcisms.

Peace

When you practice these things, you open doors. If you were to ask a Christian such as myself I would say you are demon possessed. Most possessions exist passively until you open a door in which God, as in the only God, can use you. Then the demon will begin to torment you because you have become a danger to your affiliations.

Whomever your father might be choose wisely and don't be in between... The occult has much power no doubt and brings a promise of power, but at a cost. It is a spec of dust on the elephants back.

You are not mad.

I will leave you with this: It is better to know a little than to misunderstand allot.

Good Luck to you.

Edit: I forgot to mention the reason I am posting this is because it fits the stereotypical Christian definition of an active possession.

This post has been edited by waldoworld: Jan 10 2007, 07:40 PM

When you practice these things, you open doors. If you were to ask a Christian such as myself I would say you are demon possessed. Most possessions exist passively until you open a door in which God, as in the only God, can use you. Then the demon will begin to torment you because you have become a danger to your affiliations.

Whomever your father might be choose wisely and don't be in between... The occult has much power no doubt and brings a promise of power, but at a cost. It is a spec of dust on the elephants back.

You are not mad.

I will leave you with this: It is better to know a little than to misunderstand allot.

Good Luck to you.

Edit: I forgot to mention the reason I am posting this is because it fits the stereotypical Christian definition of an active possession.

Sorry mate, was this meant for me or for MrMerlin? I think I can definitely say that the problem I had was not what you would define as classical possession. For a start, whatever it was didn´t try to get "inside me", but merely hang around my flat. I have no idea why it liked to bite and scratch my legs, but I don´t believe it was possession, or even a demon for that matter

make sure when you open a door you close it behind you also. Unless you want unwelcomed guests to drift through

He was talking about Merlin. As I was reading the post Merlin wrote describing his issue, one thing stood out that seems to be a clear indication of the stereotypical posession: punches through your mattress or other movements related.