Creating God, Observations of a method and self-actualization Options

It's been a while guys, I've been a busy boy.

Ominous title i know, an in an ironic place (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

I've never really been mainstream, never really liked Christianity.. full of BS, genocide an hypocrisy..
Went mad for a while to banish all the assumptions i could about the world, what was left was what i knew.

Forget the title for a moment, let me explain.

I look back at my life an i see that the times that have produced the most bizarre and powerful effects have been tied into the astral constructs that I've created, but not in the way you might expect..
For example, one of the first beings i created was to be a kind of 'knowledge gatherer' a bit vamperic in nature but fair, like a trader of information an favours.. i didn't know what form it should take so i dictated that it should be able to pick whatever form it liked.
I tended that little bit of wrapped paper for many years but effectively forgot about it.. but almost immediately it created a change in me, i became wiser in many ways and my sleep was heavy, intense and no longer fearful.
Also about that time i experimented a lot with 'shape-changing' an while mainly illusionary based it worked a treat with friends an at party's.
I didn't really put two an two together for a long time as their where a lot of things happening at the time an a lot of methods involved.

A more resent example shed's a lot of light on this though;
I got very very depressed a year or so ago, it's partly genetic, it's mainly because of the lack of personal progress but it wouldn't shift an i was loosing the last of my will to carry on.
So i decided it was about time i found some guidance i could trust, so i fabricated a character with my most valued ethics, my values with all the powers i knew i could use if i tryed, a very tenacious nature spirit who would heal, was like a weather god an could alter electrical equipment amongst many other things..
It would be created an sustained with very positive emotions unlike so many other attempts i'd had.. it had occurred to me that most of the sustained magic in my life was done out of shire desperation and while positive was still fed by the negative feelings of their creation, so where recreating those feelings to sustain.
Not with this one though, he felt like a cool summers breeze.
To my surprise it worked rather well, although only for about 6 months as i lost the talisman after a few.
My depression lifting was excellent, some other effects where rather interesting as-well..
I had a bit of a personality shift an wrote a lot of interesting but antagonistic things on the internet (did ya notice?)
I became much more genuinely compassionate, actually did some healing rather than just wishing i would..
Lot's of weird stuff happened though (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) like lights an computers having a mind of their own..
i wandered through the shopping centre an realised how unethical the company was and all the lights went off.. i finished shopping went to the checkout which sprung into life (unlike all the others) payed for all my stuff an the moment i left all the power returned! lol.
I won't go on, their are too many weird things that happened.

The important things i've noticed though is their appears to be three major things that happens when creating something..

The semi-sentient personality.. like an egregor, it dose it's thing.
The personality change.. you get the get up an go.. it's like the creator becomes a hybrid of the creation, motivation etc..
The weird shit.. the magick in the air, not sure who uses is.. me or the creation? i don't know but stuff happens.

Now i've been mulling it over and it struck me that it's all getting a bit biblical..
The Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit..

I've been getting a little broody.. im 30, so my last 'creation' was also a 'really great father' which i felt was very important.
This may have flavoured my opinion somewhat but im beginning to think that the holy trinity might well be the utilisation of the law that i'm observing in my experimentation. (worth saying that now i have a girlfriend with two kids an i love them all very much)

Now clearly their are major differences between what i've done in the past an the holy trinity.. so im not about to jump on any band wagons, it's just getting interesting but...

Since a very very early age i've thought that if magick existed then what i really needed was the spirit of an older timeless me looking after all the things i didn't understand at the time, because life is complicated an even seemingly horrible things may have a greater purpose than my comprehension could justify.

When looking up the trinity the other day i read a lot of stuff like.. the father is timeless an without creation so is the son an the spirit.

It's been a while since i mucked about with time but i can see that if i was to keep creating better constructs to leaver my life into where i want it then i'll be at it forever.. perfection is constant evolution an can't have a definitive definition.
So i'm thinking of maybe creating something that is timeless, that while 'theoretically' created is in-fact already their since the beginning, with all the power at it's disposal but that hasn't made direct evident contact with me so as to preserve the prosess of creation (or getting to know).. in a way making an astral construct (with all the other 'effects') since before my own creation so as to be the optimal 'son' already and to simply realise the perfection of my own being an 'self-actualize' in the best possible way.

This whole theory raises lots of questions however.

For one, i've never properly created a female entity so far as i know, so i couldn't tell you how making a construct of a different sex would effect ones sexuality.. i can be very effeminate at times an had my fair share of 'experiences' but I'm still quite typically masculine in most ways (much to my own frustration).
if i'm right however, a woman's trinity might be like 'The Mother, The Daughter an the Holy Spirit'
Maybe an a-sexual snail god might be more appropriate.

Do other people get that 'become like what you create' thing happen? clearly energetic interaction with anything creates a bit of likeness within..

Leads me nicely to another point.. i don't think humans are anywhere close to perfection, surely theoretical 'perfection' is beyond species, maybe all of them individually and together.. all the best of all beings creature, vegetable or mineral.. even all that isn't enough, we are limited by our limited understanding of life, their could be highly intelligent silicon based life-forms living in the hot dense environments we can't even observe.. the matter we observe changes radically under different environments, so dose the life. Would it be right to include future computer AI?

When's can you say 'that will do'? i'm only a man, what use is such extreme idealism..
A personal God/Godess tailored for the individual is seemingly a great idea but..
I don't know. the puzzle is a little clearer but their's still a lot to go.

Ramble ramble ramble.. I hope everyone's been doing good btw (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

My apologies for bad layout an stuff, i know i don't make an easy read etc..
X

This post has been edited by Draw: Jun 7 2013, 07:44 AM

I'm confused as to what this all means. Are you creating thoughtforms?