Normal Regular Ordinariness, It sucks Options

I've been fortunate enough to gain quite a bit of knowledge about psychology and magic, and an understanding thereof that has enabled me to completely balance myself out both mentally and emotionally. I was quite a damaged human being during my teens and early twenties, but thanks to the compassion of a few people, plus some great books I've happened upon, I am healthy and balanced. I feel reasonably happy and at peace, and there is very little internal conflict in me nowadays.

The problem is, it's really boring. Truly.

I feel so balanced, normal, ordinary and okay, that this state of mind has almost become like a glass prison cell. Despite my efforts I haven't been able to induce lucid dreams, astral projections, or out-of-body experiences, and I've all but given up on concentration meditation, because at the end of my meditation I usually walk away with a feeling of total futility, as if I've accomplished absolutely nothing by doing it. That means that I'm not going to reach jhana states any time soon. It's like I'm craving altered states of consciousness.

I'm still a bit hesitant to do drugs, probably due to some residual ideas in the back of my head from my upbringing as a christian. I also don't want to do any golden dawn or thelemic rituals, because I strongly dislike the use of judeo-christian symbolism in their rituals (something I try to distance myself from). I just need something to shatter the glass a bit. I would even say that I want to unbalance myself just for some kind of new experience.

Maybe I should just try some substances? Like salvia divinorum? Do you know any kind of ritual or spell that can induce altered states? (Bear in mind that I don't have that much experience with magic, so I don't do evocation or invocation yet.)

I feel reasonably happy and at peace, and there is very little internal conflict in me nowadays. The problem is, it's really boring. Truly. I feel so balanced, normal, ordinary and okay, that this state of mind has almost become like a glass prison cell.

Despite my efforts I haven't been able to induce lucid dreams, astral projections, or out-of-body experiences, and I've all but given up on concentration meditation, because at the end of my meditation I usually walk away with a feeling of total futility, as if I've accomplished absolutely nothing by doing it. That means that I'm not going to reach jhana states any time soon.

It's like I'm craving altered states of consciousness. I would even say that I want to unbalance myself just for some kind of new experience. Maybe I should just try some substances?

I'm gong to sound like an ass, but this is good. An unbalanced mind can enter altered states easily, due to it being unstable; it only takes a nudge. That is why mgick attracts unbalanced people and why it will unbalance stable people. A little unbalanced helps with magick particularly in the beginning when people have little will power. But it is hard to tell what is real and what is just a hallucination. A balanced mind on the other hand is much harder and takes a few good hard shoves before it get to an altered state.

The same phenomena explains your meditation. Oddly enough when I started tantric yoga and meditation I was told to ignore any insights/ experiences as they were just the mind producing hallucinations to distract or attempt to process the flood of unconscious and intuition normally not seen. Meditation is really working when you think it's not. Over times you will most likely hit many of the spaces where "nothing is happening" in truth these are the periods when you can make the most progress as the mind has moved from one major set of issues and not yet reached the next. Practice and non-attachment will deepen your meditation.

As for the altered states of consciousness, that's something you need to look at very closely. Why do you crave those states? Is it boring not to have them? Does that imply a habituation to distractions? Or are you seeking something else? If the first is the case, try to live with the boring times for a bit, they will likely be ok in the end. If you are seeking something else, something specific that you can only get via lucid dreams, astral projections, or out-of-body experiences then you can try to induce altered states of consciousness. It will take longer as your mind is stable but lacking in energy to move on its own. In time you will be able to enter different states at will.

Have you considered using Ceremonial Magic? Meditation operates almost entirely within the realm of the Mental. Ceremonial Magic bridges the realms of the Mental with those of the archetypal and allegorical. The Golden Dawn Tradition provides an excellent framework for learning CM. There are rituals designed to safely allow you to experience altered states (like astral projection) without sacrificing your ability to return to the refuge of stability that you have built when your done. It takes discipline but it is well worth it.

The fortress of groundedness that we must build as part of our work, while essential and protective, can also have the drawback of becoming our cage if we don't know how to leave and return to it at will.

A balanced mind on the other hand is much harder and takes a few good hard shoves before it get to an altered state.

Dammit. That's why I was thinking I should take some substances just so that I can get that first good shove out the nest.

As for the altered states of consciousness, that's something you need to look at very closely. Why do you crave those states? Is it boring not to have them? Does that imply a habituation to distractions? Or are you seeking something else? If the first is the case, try to live with the boring times for a bit, they will likely be ok in the end. If you are seeking something else, something specific that you can only get via lucid dreams, astral projections, or out-of-body experiences then you can try to induce altered states of consciousness. It will take longer as your mind is stable but lacking in energy to move on its own. In time you will be able to enter different states at will.

I want them because I want a spiritual adventure. The normality of my everyday experience, even though I now strongly believe in magic (and have had quite a few successes), tells me I'm doing something wrong, or I'm not doing something. And yeah, sometimes I become acutely aware of how everything is and feels in this state, and it's very boring. The goal of my magical practice is awareness though; I want to wake up. First to the astral plane, then the energetic plane, then to entities, then non-duality. Awareness, that thing that cannot be said to exist, or that it does not exist, or that it both exists and does not exist, or that it neither exists nor doesn't exist (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) is ultimately the only thing that matters to me in my spiritual practice. I suppose that meditation might be the best approach to accomplishing all of it, but right now, I need to break through 'this'.

I'm gong to sound like an ass

No, not at all ! I really appreciate your responses.

MysticWizard: Thanks for the suggestion, but like I said, I disapprove of the use of judeo-christian symbolism in both golden dawn and thelema, so I'd rather not.

This post has been edited by Green Lantern: Apr 15 2014, 01:21 PM

I want... a spiritual adventure. The normality of my everyday experience... tells me I'm doing something wrong, or I'm not doing something. That's why I was thinking I should take some substances just so that I can get that first good shove out the nest.


The goal of my magical practice is awareness though; I want to wake up. First to the astral plane, then the energetic plane, then to entities, then non-duality [which is] ultimately the only thing that matters to me. I suppose that meditation might be the best approach to accomplishing all of it, but right now, I need to break through 'this'.

Have your adventure, it might take a little time go get out of body, but at worst it takes 6 months of concerted effort during which you get to read every theory of the astral and play with every idea anyone has every had to get there. That in itself is fun. Or I thought is was, but then I am slightly strange. You can have an adventure and if you do it right you can wake up, both with the same endeavors, but it takes a careful mind to know what you are doing for adventure and what is for waking up. A spiritual adventure is good, but not the same as waking up. waking up is just waking up - nothing very impressive unless it is compared to sleep.

You can also use entheogens. One use is enough to yet the effect and decide if this is useful or not. Most of the time one use is good enough to experience the altered state and create a way to get back when needed. You will know in time if that is useful to you.

Whatever you do stick with your meditation as that will get you farther.