And myself I lean more toward kaboom's perspective on ritual and the creation process.
Though I think that pretty much every method of magical practice runs the potential risk of misplaced focus.
QUOTE
I can sense the entities around me, but I'm not sure if they are my servitor or not. That's what I mean by I can't find him.
Everything has an "energy signature" (insert whatever other term you prefer). If you want to keep track of beings, entities, energy, etc. then you need to make a mental note of the energy signature.
I am assuming that you didn't interact with your servitor very much before losing track of him. Otherwise it would be pretty instinctively easy to identify him. Also, I can understand if you've had difficulties with negative entities, that you might tend to be a little bit paranoid about beings in your presence, and that this may be interfering with your ability to identify your creation.
This should be a relatively simple procedure:
1. Sit comfortably upright, close your eyes, breath slowly and deeply at an even pace.
2. Make yourself aware of your thoughts. In other words, don't just think, but observe your own thoughts as they are occurring.
To illustrate more what I mean by this, try to think of nothing at all. After trying this, go over what happened while you were trying to do that. Be aware of the fact that you were very likely "thinking about trying not to think", which in a sense is a failure in your goal of "not thinking". But look deeper than this, beyond the part of your mind which was thinking about trying not to think, was another silent part of your mind, which was simply passively aware of all of this. This "silent observer" within your mind, recognizing everything that was occurring in your thoughts, impassively, silently, just 'aware' without reaction. Our goal here is to basically channel that portion of mind, to move the anchor of your mental state into that part of your consciousness. One way to attempt this is to imagine that you have no head, and that in place of your head, the world around you 'is' your head. This is an exercise in diffusing ego basically. Anyway, the whole point of "2" is to enter into at least a
mildly meditative state.
3. Gently, without disturbing your meditative state, think back to the time when you created your servitor. Don't actively try to think about it, instead just open yourself up to allowing those memories to flow through your mind, and don't mentally react to them, just be quietly 'aware' of them.
What were you thinking and feeling when you made him?
What did the energy feel like as you crafted him?
What did 'he' feel like as you finished him?
The first time you interacted with him, after making him, what did he feel like to you then?
What did you feel within yourself, when you were with him, which was different than what you normally feel?
focus deeply on these topics, and let the remembered sensations wash over you, even if it disturbs your semi-meditative state.
4. Be aware that you have in fact just formed an empathic-energetic connection with your servitor, wherever he is. Distance or time is not relevant. Through your focus, you
are in psychic contact with your servitor after completing the above.
5. Investigate him, interact with him, feel him. And this time, make a mental note of how he 'feels', of what the sum holistic total of his 'presence' feels like to you. Dwell on this for a bit and commit it to memory the same way you would commit to memory a poem, or the taste of a particular food, or a song, or a place like the ocean. It's actually very much like those things, except instead of food or sound your focusing on servitor's energy pattern/currents/mentality/presence. It's kinda like his phone number.
6. Don't forget this sensation of the being's presence/essence. Next time you want to interact with it, just dwell on this, and you'll make contact. Be aware that this basic principal works all the time, even when you don't intend it to. So it's quite easy to summon a negative entity by dwelling on past experiences with it. I thought I'd point that out, since you mentioned having trouble with unfriendly entities.
ciao
Edit - I don't think your reasons for making the servitor are misguided. Having 'company' is not a bad thing, I don't see the emotional side of this being much different than going out and buying a puppy, which is proven to be sound emotional therapy.
I do tend to think though that if you designed him as a 'protector', he could be useful in the sense of being a 24/7 watchdog, but it is unlikely that a being you create will be more magically potent than you are. Unless you design him with a very strong capacity to evolve, which is kinda dangerous actually, not to mention difficult. If you do use him as protection, I would strongly advice actively assisting him when/if he does identify a problem. You *can* use servitors as a force multiplier, your servitors will not pack the magical punch that you do, but 'You + several servitors' is generally a more capable magical force than just 'You'. I can remember a time many years ago when I was in pretty bad shape, and under very intense spiritual/magical antagonism. I opted to make a self-replicating, self-feeding, force of servitors to facilitate the three functions of protection, stealth, and energetic recovery.
Call it women's intuition, but... If you get sexual with your servitor, it may affect it fairly significantly. It could empower the servitor, or morph it's energy and mentality in unpredictable ways. Sexual energy is pretty potent stuff. Be sure to either reinforce the servitor's design, or guide it through any changes it undergoes as a result of such intimate energetic interaction with you.
This post has been edited by Kath: Jul 7 2010, 03:57 AM