Hi guys,
This was a dream I actually had back in April of 2009. Right after, I posted it on another forum to discuss within a day or two, as it was just not leaving me. I revisited it within the last few days, still thinking about it, and I reopened the thread there. That has been the only place I have discussed it, so I am going to copy and paste the original posts and replies here so as to ask for you guys help as well. The member who originally suggested to me that it was Baba Yaga or Hecate has since been banned and his posts were deleted, so I can't get them.
OP:
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Nightmare Lessons
« Thread Started on Apr 13, 2009, 9:09pm »
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Hi guys... I just wanted to tell someone about my cool nightmare. My boyfriend treats me like a loon when I talk about wierd stuff too much
So anyway, a few nights ago I had a crazy nightmare about a trailer park and a little trailer off in the cut of it. There was a freaky looking old lady with long gray hair that lived there. In my dream I had to go there and visit her for whatever reason. She was creepy even "alive." I sat there and talked to her, about what I don't know.
Have you ever fell asleep inside a dream? Like a double layer dream? Well in my dream I fell asleep in the trailer the old lady lived in. It was totally black and she came to me dead. She was screaming things at me. I don't remember what she was saying now unfortunately, but I was fully aware of it while sleeping. She was dammed scary looking and kept popping out and screaming at me. Eventually I was sitting there, in this double layered nightmare, with a scary ass zombified old lady in a trailer, in the dark, talking about.... something. Then in the dream I woke up and the old lady was gone. I walked outside I think and woke up for real shortly later to go tinkle.
When I fell back asleep I was there agian. I walked to her trailer agian, and this time sat with her and talked with her alive and without falling asleep agian the whole time.
When I woke up agian I was creeped out the whole dam day, and I felt like I learned something but I have no idea what. I still can't stop thinking about it. It's like when you have an idea or name on the tip of your tongue and you're just a hair away from getting it.
Last night we watched a crazy fucked up movie with fucked up imagery. That doesn't bother me anymore. Fucked up imagery has always gotten to me. Not any more apparently. I know that's not what the dream was about though.
Thanks for listening I'm just not going to think about it. It'll come to me if I don't focus on it.
Me replying to banned Andy:
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Re: Nightmare Lessons
« Reply #4 on Apr 14, 2009, 8:55pm »
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I know I never have a daggum notepad!
Thanks btw for the insight.
Babba Yaga or Hecate would be too cool for me . Nothing cool ever happens to me like that. lol.
One of my friends is seeing shadow people. He started seeing ones with colors. They're the ones that screw with your emotions supposedly.
Whatever. I'm not cool enough to see shadow people...
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« Reply #6 on May 20, 2009, 6:13am »
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I think I've finally put two and two together.
Firstly, I was a strange little kid. When I was 3+ all I watched was cartoons and horror. My dad didn't really give any discretion to what I could and couldn't watch. I watched gorey zombie movies and "It" and it all. I loved them. My dad could leave me in the living room at night watching a horror movie when I was less than 5 years old and I would be fine. Go to sleep fine later and everything.
Secondly, there were things I was able to do as a kid that I can't do anymore. For a long time I thought some of it was dreams, but my dad confirmed it for me. Just a lot of little things. The key things were my visualization and lucid dreaming abilities, which I just remember, my dad couldn't confirm that of course.
As I got older I became increasingly afraid of horror. I guess that started around 6-8. As I got older everything else seemed to disappear with that.
I don't really know what the connection is. I know that having nightmares as a child was the medium through which I taught myself lucid dreaming, and overcame them.
That's about all I can put together right now.
I am starting from square one it seems.
Viasinistra:
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Did, for any moment, think that you were in danger? If not... i will need to know what you two were talking about, because its important.
The trailer represents: unstable/temporary living situation...(like a dorm or home with dad)
The old lady represents: A wiser influence than you...experience.
The dead represents: Death of old beliefs/ways/Path or thoughts.
But if i know what you were discussing..i cant help even more and make sense of it...but heres your start.
Always!!!
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No, I didn't feel in danger at any point. I felt like I was supposed to be there to talk to her. Even when she was dead and it was black and she was running at me and screaming and shrieking I didn't feel, "in danger." It was just scary as f%*!. Then she stopped and we sat down and talked agian, while it was still dark and she was dead and fucked up looking.
I can't for the life of me remember what we talked about though. I just know it was a full fledged conversation and I was aware of it until a few minutes after I woke up. I had bits and pieces when I woke up, then shortly later it was gone.
Logan got a horror movie that night. I stopped watching them almost entirely a few years ago cause they began to bother me deeply. The stuff in the movie that would have usually bothered me, didn't.
That's the wierdness I'm putting together.
It seems like the dream was trying to force me back into, the ways and habits and thinking I had when I was younger.
It was like the old lady walked me through the first steps in overcoming whatever emotional blockage I might have with death/fear. That could be why I fell asleep within the dream, and then dealt with her scaring the shit out of me until I wasn't afraid anymore. In that state it would have been a lot harder to wake up before we were done doing/talking about whatever.
It's interesting how when I woke up within the dream from her scaring me, she wasn't anywhere around. I physically woke up and went to the bathroom and went back to sleep. Then she was there, alive, agian and we sat and talked agian.
It's just wierd. It has to be something like that.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2009, 7:25am by Tigeress »
ViaSinistra:
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Re: Nightmare Lessons
« Reply #11 on May 20, 2009, 7:26am »
Were you two talking "while" she was "dead"??? If so...this represents a sort of internal debate with a old system of belief... and since she was scary looking..well that old system is meant to keep you away from it..like your past religion or your families religion...but if you were speaking with her while she was alive...this represents you are mentally involved/active with some source/system with experience or requires such involvement.
I am not going to put my post today wrapped in a quote:Sorry to dig up an old thread.
I have still been thinking about this dream. I still haven't had another one.
I think Via is on target with the symbolism, and I also think it was Baba Yaga now. I began comparing Baba Yaga and Hecate. Baba Yaga has Slavic roots in Russian folk lore. I am half Slavic. My grandparents on my mothers side came to the U.S. from Czechlasovakia during WW2 to get away. My mother is also the mother that I heard shoot herself in the head when I was 3 yrs old. I've always thought this didn't affect me, but the effects might not be apparent due to the psychological defense mechanism of repression.
Baba Yaga is also more closely associated with the Crone aspect of the Triple Goddess symbol (I think). When I was unable to choose my tattoo, I threw the ones I was debating between at my dad and asked him to choose the one that fit me best. He chose the Triple Goddess symbol, the one in the form of three crescent moons that almost looks like horns or a biohazard. lol.
He said that it fit me best because although it represents the femimine polarity of the universe, it is not feminine in appearance with regards to our culture. Culturally the stereotypical female is stricken with many flaws which he claims I do not have. He also said that even though I am in the first or second stage of the cycle, I have qualities associated with them all. That's all nice but I'm getting OT.
Here are some quotes about someones observations of Baba Yaga:
"When a culture's language has no word to connote "wise elder woman," what happens to the women who carry the "Grandmother" consciousness for the collective? Prejudicial (prejudged) attacks throughout history against older women symbolized patriarchy's feminization of fear: the ultimate fear of annihilation, to be nonexistent (no existence). Centuries-long indoctrination limits our imagination so that we see this ancient aspect of the feminine only in her negative forms. We see her as the one who brings death to our old way of being, to our lives as we have known them, and to our embodied selves."This goes with what Via said about the death of an old system of beliefs.
"To be sent to Baba Yaga was tantamount to being sent to one's death, but Vasalisa was actually helped by Baba Yaga. By facing her own worst fear -- death itself, Vasalisa became liberated from her previous situation and immaturity." I thought that the dream had something to do with my inability to handle horrific imagery, but now I definitely think it has more to do with the deep distress with death I have developed.
"The Crone is a figure who incorporates both dark and light, life and death, creation and destruction, form and dissolution. The doll [Vasalisa's doll, given to her by her dying mother] becomes the symbol of the Sibyl, a figure of inspiration and intuition. She acts as a guide through the great passages of life, leading a woman into her own inner knowing."
"Like Baba Yaga, the Crone must help us by her example and "admonish us to revere all peoples and all circles of life upon this earth . . . not only important for the dignity and self-esteem of each woman, but vital for the countenance of life on our sweet Mother Earth" (Eagle). Since men define power as the capacity to destroy, the Destroying Mother Crone must be the most powerful female image for them, therefore, the only one likely to force them (us) in any new direction.
A woman who denies her life process at any time in her development, clinging desperately to outmoded images, myths and rituals of her past, obscures her connection with Self, the Divine, and therefore, with her spiritual heritage, the natural universe. The same holds true for our daughters, maidens who are coming of age. There is a kind of internal balance and sense of holiness available to us when we accept ourselves as part of a world that honors cycles, changes, decay and rebirth. It is time for women to reflect and give form to the authentic self in its evolving, formative process. The woman who is willing to make that change must become pregnant with herself, at last. She must bear herself, her third self, her old age with labor. There are not many who will help her with that birth. To Crone is to birth oneself as "Wise-woman," and see the world through new eyes.
We have not had the safety valve of feminine metaphor in our spiritual understanding; consequently, the Feminine, both Divine and human, have appeared monstrously contorted, threatening and uncontrollable."http://www.mythinglinks.org/BabaYaga.html
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May 20, 2009, 7:05am, ViaSinistra wrote:
The trailer represents: unstable/temporary living situation...(like a dorm or home with dad)
I am in a temporary living situation, living with my dad. This is only due to the fact that he is old in age and doesn't have too horribly much longer to live though. It is not the typical living situation. My dad and I are both financially independant and my boyfriend and I pretty much do everything around the house. We paid the house off and split the costs of living 50/50.
I have always had trouble dealing with the fact that loved ones have to die though.
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The old lady represents: A wiser influence than you...experience.
Well, I really have no wise influence on me, other than my dad sometimes. Any spiritual wisdom I do have I give credit to my discussions here and on religiousforums.com. There are definitely no female older wiser influences in my physical life.
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The dead represents: Death of old beliefs/ways/Path or thoughts.
That is a definite. lol.
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May 20, 2009, 7:26am, ViaSinistra wrote:
Were you two talking while she was dead??? If so...this represents a sort of internal debate with a old system of belief... and since she was scary looking..well that old system is meant to keep you away from it..like your past religion or your families religion...but if you were speaking with her while she was alive...this represents you are mentally involved/active with some source/system with experience or requires such involvement.
Now that I just reread this, I just made a connection with something I realized the other day. I have always been the kind of person that enjoys making people of different opinions understand each other, and agree to disagree in peace without harming each other. That's why I am attracted to teaching world religion at college level I'm sure.
In breaking away from christianity I was actually breaking away from the mormon church. You have to understand that even still I call the mormon church an oasis in the desert of christianity. Fundamental chritianity is easy to break away from, the mormon church is a little different.
But, because my reasons for breaking away are so fundamental, it does not matter which version of chirsitanity I felt close to. I have a disagrement with the atonement for everyones sins in that I do not accept the sacrifice. I would never allow someone to be tortured and sacrificed to save me from myself. For one, I love myself, and for two I can pay for my own wrong doings or prevent them and make ammends for them through the person/being wronged and not through a diety.
At the same time, through the understanding of Jesus and God I have with the Mormon church, I have no desire to be disrespectful or unfriendly with them. I felt that I needed to pray and explain myself, but when I went to do it I couldn't. I was scared of the feelings I might recieve.
Until I am confident enough to do this I have not completely broke my ties with my old ways of thinking. I am also not confident enough in my position to have it accepted, or I am not confident enough in my position to hold my position if what I was taught of thier nature is wrong. From what the mormon church teaches, such an approach and position would be accepted lovingly. They do not confine, they encourage knowledge to be sought out, and they are ever forgiving and accepting when there is no malicious intent. I guess I am afraid they might be wrong, when I have always said they are the only ones I think have christianity right.
« Last Edit: Today at 3:30pm by Tigeress »
Any further insight or advice is very welcome, and thank you in advance.
I know I just threw a mouthful out there and I haven't been a member here very long. I do like everyone a lot that I have met so far, and I value everyones thoughts highly.This post has been edited by Tigeress: Jan 3 2010, 04:48 PM