QUOTE
It’s too big; everything comes out sideways, and before ya know it, you’ve said all there is to say without even having made it to the story, yet. I used to think there’s no place to start telling something like this. Now I’m thinking, maybe I should just start it wherever I’m compelled.
Works for me. I like the way you built up what the kid was staring at, trying to figure out. It made me look at the 'even bigger picture' of his chance meeting with Sally.
All in all, I like the flow very much. A little chaotic at times, but it pushes the story thru me at an alarming rate. Kudos for that.
-aaron