Consuming Dark Energy, huh??? Options

OK guys, I've got a new one for you.

I had this dream where my mother appeared to me and was acting all sweet and nice and basically acting her age. More on this later.* Anyways, I knew something was up, then what appeared to be my 'mother' changed into this black humanoid blob of dark energy and tried to attack me. I tried everything fast that I could think of--reflection, shooting light at it, etc., and all I tried seemed to do nothing but feed it until it turned from hostile and quite threatening to open crushing malice. I wasn't scared, I simply thought, "well, if THAT'S how you want to play it, two can play this game.' Then I proceeded to stand on the edge of my bed so I was taller than 'it,' grab it by the shoulders, and eat it snake-style by stretching my mouth and gulping it down headfirst.

Halfway down I felt it go, "OH SHIT this wasn't supposed to happen!!" and it changed into a cute furry thing that looked like a mutant cross between a ferret and a puppy to try to get me to spit it out. All I could see was from its waist down--the rest was in my throat--and for some strange reason I grabbed a bleach wipe, wiped its ass in case it crapped itself from fear, and downed the rest of the creature.

Shortly after I woke up with what felt like the beginnings of a migraine. Seeing as I get them every time the air pressure changes this is not unusual, but this one felt a bit different somehow. So I tried a visualisation exercise where I saw the dark entity/energy I ate changing from corrosive and harmful to healthy and beneficial as my body digested it. Most of the headache went away almost immediately, 800mg ibuprofen took care of the rest. While it turns out I *was* getting a migraine, I didn't have to bust out w/the prescription meds like I often do--migraines are nothing to screw with so when in doubt I err on the side of caution and abort them ASAP.

In any case, here's my question: WTF does this mean? I'm not sure if it was a dream as much as an astral or subconscious battle. I won, that's beyond question. But still I wonder...

*RE my mother: I have to live with her due to my medical situation. I can either live w/her, have the state pick up the tab for the meds that keep me alive, OR I can work, get kicked off Medicaid, have to pay everything out of pocket because the US is fucked up and has no national health insurance, AND still live at home. Heh. :/ So I have no choice right now (yes I am working on this but things are progressing very very slowly atm) but to live with a woman who is physically 65 but somewhere between 8 and 12 emotionally. It's not dementia or anything, she's ALWAYS been this way. She's screwed up every chance she's ever gotten and proceeded to blame it all on everyone and everything else. She's also crushingly negative, a chronic complainer, and finally broke the nasty habit of threatening to kill herself every time things didn't go Her Way. :/ All she's done with her life is spend the whole damned thing in whining self-pity. It's tiring to say the least. So I've basically turned my wing of the house into a sanctuary and so far kept a lot of her crap at bay. Yeah, she pisses me off, but I've used every trick in the book to clear out the energies in my section of the house and it seems to be working. While my cats will spend time with her, I've noticed when she gets bitchy/whiny they bust ass in my room and stay there. So that's pretty indicative.

I'm also wondering that because I'm slowly trying to escape the curse by proxy that she seems to spin off, if that thing came from her somehow and fighting it helped break the stranglehold. Time will tell on that I suppose.

Anyways I'm open to any and all ideas as to what the hell this thing was. Any thoughts?

*RE my mother: I have to live with her due to my medical situation. I can either live w/her, have the state pick up the tab for the meds that keep me alive, OR I can work, get kicked off Medicaid, have to pay everything out of pocket because the US is fucked up and has no national health insurance, AND still live at home. Heh. :/ So I have no choice right now (yes I am working on this but things are progressing very very slowly atm) but to live with a woman who is physically 65 but somewhere between 8 and 12 emotionally. It's not dementia or anything, she's ALWAYS been this way. She's screwed up every chance she's ever gotten and proceeded to blame it all on everyone and everything else. She's also crushingly negative, a chronic complainer, and finally broke the nasty habit of threatening to kill herself every time things didn't go Her Way. :/ All she's done with her life is spend the whole damned thing in whining self-pity. It's tiring to say the least. So I've basically turned my wing of the house into a sanctuary and so far kept a lot of her crap at bay. Yeah, she pisses me off, but I've used every trick in the book to clear out the energies in my section of the house and it seems to be working. While my cats will spend time with her, I've noticed when she gets bitchy/whiny they bust ass in my room and stay there. So that's pretty indicative.

I think that pretty summerizes any answer I could give you. It sounds like your mother has been a serious burden to not only you, but people around you. It also sounds like you have a full plate and things are rough at the moment. But to break down the various elements of your dream and give you my take, this is what I got from your dream:

I had this dream where my mother appeared to me and was acting all sweet and nice and basically acting her age. More on this later.* Anyways, I knew something was up, then what appeared to be my 'mother' changed into this black humanoid blob of dark energy and tried to attack me.

One way to look at this is this "shadow" entity of your mother represents distorted aspects of your feminine self. The simplist way to explore this idea is to ask yourself "how am I like my mother?" and not the good stuff, consider the bad stuff because that seems to be the focus.

Another angle is this creature has nothing to do with your mother and more of a reflection of negative problems which you are facing that are emotionally draining. From what you posted I think you have no shortage of things to be upset about, and rightfully so.

From an archetypal point of view the shadow self (you may have read about this from other topics) is a dream symbol often depicted as something unpleasant - monsters, shadow people, mutated family, distorted or obscured figures we can't recognize. The shadow self represents the unknown. Aspects within ourselves that could lead to greater potential that we are not aware of, but that are trying to surface within in your greater consciousness. They can also represent things that are blocking us from moving on in life, things that we may not be aware of, but that do impact your life directly.

I tried everything fast that I could think of--reflection, shooting light at it, etc., and all I tried seemed to do nothing but feed it until it turned from hostile and quite threatening to open crushing malice. I wasn't scared, I simply thought, "well, if THAT'S how you want to play it, two can play this game.' Then I proceeded to stand on the edge of my bed so I was taller than 'it,' grab it by the shoulders, and eat it snake-style by stretching my mouth and gulping it down headfirst.

This is not uncommon. Often times people "battle" their shadow selves in attempt to understand it forcably. Within the realms of dreams where people are more on "autopilot", rather than normal awareness, they tend behave according to instincts. Its a normal human characteristic to try to force things on a primeval level. Sometimes the conflict is not an attempt to understand the symbolism, but make it submit and conform to the greater will of the mind. Often times shadow selves represent qualities that are contrary to normal beliefs, behaviors, attitudes etc etc. If you embrace the shadow self, and simply ask it what it means, it'll generally tell you by changing into a more pleasant and perhaps more recognizable form. However if you do this for a period of time and do not get any results then it can indicate an aspect that is deeply rooted in your unconscious mind and it just might not ever be anything that you can fully understand. Like most things in life, patients is key. This could take some time to fully resolve and your shadow self may manifest in other ways.

Halfway down I felt it go, "OH SHIT this wasn't supposed to happen!!" and it changed into a cute furry thing that looked like a mutant cross between a ferret and a puppy to try to get me to spit it out. All I could see was from its waist down--the rest was in my throat--and for some strange reason I grabbed a bleach wipe, wiped its ass in case it crapped itself from fear, and downed the rest of the creature.

While I think this part is fucking funny, this segment suggests that you might be behaving or thinking in an irration manner, perhaps in relation to what this doplaganger of your mother represents. This lack of rationallity is demonstrated through the fact that you took the time to wipe the ass of the creature. If you eat something whole like that, you eat its shit weather or not you wipe its ass, its still inside its body.

The symbolizm could also suggest that you recognize that the entity represents something negative (negative doesn't have to mean "bad" or "destructive", sometimes just undesirable and unpleasant. Sometimes negative symbols in dreams represent things that are necessary, but that we avoid. Ironically, sometimes such symbols are really compliments from lower mind to the higher, but the greater mind fails to recognize this and so symbolism gets progressively more unpleasant.). This thing that is negative could be something that you are trying to cleans, but to no avail, you still ingest the negativity, its still apart of you.

Shortly after I woke up with what felt like the beginnings of a migraine. Seeing as I get them every time the air pressure changes this is not unusual, but this one felt a bit different somehow. So I tried a visualisation exercise where I saw the dark entity/energy I ate changing from corrosive and harmful to healthy and beneficial as my body digested it. Most of the headache went away almost immediately, 800mg ibuprofen took care of the rest. While it turns out I *was* getting a migraine, I didn't have to bust out w/the prescription meds like I often do--migraines are nothing to screw with so when in doubt I err on the side of caution and abort them ASAP.

If I were in your shoes, migrains would be pretty common for me too. One thing to note is that some medicines can affect your dreams and distort them. Sometimes this can make them very surreal, horrifying or just bizzare. If you have been taking perscription medication(s), that might explain the odd dreams. However if that was the case you'd probably be reporting such dreams regularly.

Overall it does sound like that you are in a tough spot at presant and I think your dream symbolizes all that stressful BS. It also sounds like that your mother may be projecting a measure of negativity onto you and that might not only be affecting your dreams, but your overall health. Your migrains could be caused by her negativity. Mirror or refective magick might be an appriate measure to take. Years back a lady showed me a simple ritual done with a small mirror and a two toned candle. How this works is you take a black on white candle, anoint it with olive oil, place it on the mirror and light it. Let burn and let it keep burning until it dies out on its own. If any of the candle is remaining, you may repeat the process after a few days. This process symbolizes negativity being burned away from you and deflected back towards your mother (or whatever source of negativity). When I tried this I also worked with some sigilization to try to focus the magick and make it more affective.

I could probably come up with many other ways to deal with negativity through magickal means, but I think I've posted enough info to take in for now.

This post has been edited by Acid09: Aug 21 2008, 08:22 PM

Heh, thanks!

I think that pretty summerizes any answer I could give you. It sounds like your mother has been a serious burden to not only you, but people around you. It also sounds like you have a full plate and things are rough at the moment. But to break down the various elements of your dream and give you my take, this is what I got from your dream:
One way to look at this is this "shadow" entity of your mother represents distorted aspects of your feminine self. The simplist way to explore this idea is to ask yourself "how am I like my mother?" and not the good stuff, consider the bad stuff because that seems to be the focus.

Funny you should say that, because a lot of times when I face an issue I have to tease away what's me and what's her talking. I've gotten pretty good at telling the two apart and dealing with the negative stuff. Sometimes it's there trying to protect me, and if that's the case I ask it for an accounting of its actions and if I feel they're justified, I simply tell the emotion/entity/whathaveyou that its intent is good but its behaviour is NOT appropriate. Usually things smooth out quickly after that. If it's there to attack me or break me down I destroy or banish it. Simple as that. *shrug*

Another angle is this creature has nothing to do with your mother and more of a reflection of negative problems which you are facing that are emotionally draining. From what you posted I think you have no shortage of things to be upset about, and rightfully so.

It's funny, though, I don't think that I've got 'problems' as such, it's more of 'I'm in a bad situation and how do I make it better and work well for me?' It can be stressful, but things are actually a lot calmer now than they used to be. I also know that there are a hell of a lot of people who have it worse and I suppose that helps me keep things in perspective. I know what I need, I'm just not sure how to get it in the time frame I have available to me.

Often times people "battle" their shadow selves in attempt to understand it forcably. Within the realms of dreams where people are more on "autopilot", rather than normal awareness, they tend behave according to instincts. Its a normal human characteristic to try to force things on a primeval level. Sometimes the conflict is not an attempt to understand the symbolism, but make it submit and conform to the greater will of the mind. Often times shadow selves represent qualities that are contrary to normal beliefs, behaviors, attitudes etc etc. If you embrace the shadow self, and simply ask it what it means, it'll generally tell you by changing into a more pleasant and perhaps more recognizable form. However if you do this for a period of time and do not get any results then it can indicate an aspect that is deeply rooted in your unconscious mind and it just might not ever be anything that you can fully understand. Like most things in life, patients is key. This could take some time to fully resolve and your shadow self may manifest in other ways.

I understand patience is a virtue and I'm working on acquiring more of it. However patience also comes from trust which for me is in very short supply atm. :/

I forgot to mention this in the screed, but I *did* ask the creature what it was and what it was doing watching me sleep. That's when it went nuts and attacked me. I do that with every entity I deal with in meditation/summoning, and usually they give a good accounting of their actions and their reason for dropping by. I don't care if they showed up out of idle curiosity or just to say hi, that's fine, but it's still a reason for being present. The ones that can't usually know I mean business and leave like they've got a purpose. So perhaps I was more conscious in this dream than I realised at the time?

The symbolizm could also suggest that you recognize that the entity represents something negative (negative doesn't have to mean "bad" or "destructive", sometimes just undesirable and unpleasant. Sometimes negative symbols in dreams represent things that are necessary, but that we avoid. Ironically, sometimes such symbols are really compliments from lower mind to the higher, but the greater mind fails to recognize this and so symbolism gets progressively more unpleasant.). This thing that is negative could be something that you are trying to cleans, but to no avail, you still ingest the negativity, its still apart of you.
If I were in your shoes, migrains would be pretty common for me too. One thing to note is that some medicines can affect your dreams and distort them. Sometimes this can make them very surreal, horrifying or just bizzare. If you have been taking perscription medication(s), that might explain the odd dreams. However if that was the case you'd probably be reporting such dreams regularly.

I often do get bizarre dreams when a migraine is about to wake me up, but usually they're just odd. They're usually nothing that stands out or indeed makes any sense beyond the 'oh, that was entertaining, perhaps it won't be so random next time?' *shrug* The prescriptions I'm on are for asthma + thyroxine (except for Imitrex for migraine) so none are psychotropics. and if these screw with your head that's a BAD reaction and they'll put you on something else ASAP.

I think maybe one of the messages of this dream was that I have to absorb the negativity and learn how to turn it into something useful. And I know what is negative or dark is not always evil. This thing was very evil, but also very weak and none too bright from the looks of it.

Overall it does sound like that you are in a tough spot at presant and I think your dream symbolizes all that stressful BS. It also sounds like that your mother may be projecting a measure of negativity onto you and that might not only be affecting your dreams, but your overall health. Your migrains could be caused by her negativity. Mirror or refective magick might be an appriate measure to take. Years back a lady showed me a simple ritual done with a small mirror and a two toned candle. How this works is you take a black on white candle, anoint it with olive oil, place it on the mirror and light it. Let burn and let it keep burning until it dies out on its own. If any of the candle is remaining, you may repeat the process after a few days. This process symbolizes negativity being burned away from you and deflected back towards your mother (or whatever source of negativity). When I tried this I also worked with some sigilization to try to focus the magick and make it more affective.

I could probably come up with many other ways to deal with negativity through magickal means, but I think I've posted enough info to take in for now.

Ahh, yes, the good old Reversible Candle. That spell has saved my ass SOOOO many times I can't remember them all. When I can't get the 'official' reversible candle I've used two tapers - one black and one white - and gotten the same results. I prefer Uncrossing Oil to plain olive oil, though. Dunno why, probably cos it smells better when burnt.

As for the migraines, they're made worse by the fact my thyroid is crashing atm. They've started me on thyroxine, so it's being looked after. This will simply take time to correct itself and fade away. All of this was unavoidable as it's genetic in origin and I'm something like the fourth generation in a row to get this. I asked Marbas about it and basically he said 'sorry, I can't stop this as what you have is a faulty set of instructions. Had your parents summoned me before you were born, well, then I could have done something. What I CAN do is help you find the right people to help you and keep the damage to a minimum.' And on that he's made good. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

As I have said before, I know where I need to be. I'm just not sure how to get there in the time frame that I need to. Perhaps I need a touch of faith? And I'm wondering if my impatience with this whole fucked up situation is coming back to bite me in the ass. As for my mother projecting negativity, omg, you have NO idea. My sister keeps her at arm's length for this very reason. I don't get along with my sister either, but for different reasons--she's very self-righteous, nine years older, and has *ahem* 'religion.' (you know what this means!) On top of that we have nothing in common. But she has the same problems with my mother as I do--the constant whining, the constant self-pity, the failure to listen to anyone but herself, the playing the victim, etc. and she won't put up with it either. All I know is that if I'm the one making the initial attack I'm not any better than she is. *sigh*

This has given me a lot to think about...

This post has been edited by Darkmage: Aug 21 2008, 10:36 PM

superb responses!


and i bet you have to wipe your mother;s ass with those wipes, so there you go

been there done that - get over the guilt of living off the state and enjoy this free time while you have it

all too soon she'll be dead and you'll have to go back to work and you'll have no time for anything anymore

there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding off energy, dark or light or indifferent

its just like the congealed version of such energy, as in vegetables and meat on the hoof - that's what its there for, to be eaten

shades like that are full of vitamins lol

supposedly the only evil is if you draw it to you, then eat it, and i'm not really sure about that either

imagine growing potatoes to make chips - but i wouldn't make a baby just to eat it, that feels wrong


ps: and one energy drink in the morning for breakfast might stop your migranes - worked for mine like a charm

a doctor suggested it and i tried it and wow - imo, it screws up the nervous system so bad it can't do a migrane

takes a while to develop an immunity/tolerance to the jitters but eventually you get used to it

supposedly they take years off your life, but i'm rather be short-lived, than live with the migranes

^Haha, brilliant. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) And so true about the energy thing.

As for the energy drinks, that won't fly. I'm allergic to aspartame (NutraSweet) and most energy drinks have it in them. That having been said, as they get my thyroid sped up back to my normal (what would give most people the shakes) the migraines should lessen if not disappear entirely. That will simply take time, as I've just started the replacement Synthroid and it takes a month or two to kick in. Then if the dose is insufficient in a couple months, they can give me more. And I'm hooked on caffeine anyway, it really doesn't have much effect on me. *shrug* And I'm not worried about it shortening my life expectancy--blowing out the candles on the century cake is more common in my family than not. Die before 90 and you've died young. *shrug*

I don't feel guilty at living off the state for the time being. It's a service and I've paid for it with my tax money in the days when I *was* working. I'm just not happy with the restrictions that are placed on me as a result of it. If my mother was a normal, mature adult I don't think I'd be half as bothered by everything as I am now. I just thank $Deity that I've got a few good friends and hobbies that keep me sane.