Chris and Marie, Part 1
©2009 by Esoterica
[email protected]Marie felt the plane shiver and shake as it leaned too far over, almost turning upside-down!
She tried the old fighter pilot's trick of thinking she was already dead, like replaying a memory during hypnosis without the associated pain.
Her body's chemical fight or flight fear response secretions, triggered by her higher mind as it recognized the danger, cut across her thought control like a hot knife, soaking the huge Purkenjie cells in her cerebellum with inhibitor chemicals.
There was vertigo as the plane spiraled in a ever-tightening helix, but she was in the euphoria of dmt flood that filled her higher mind with an odd, detached bliss.
That odd peace avalanched from head to toe, and a smile blossomed on her agonized face, just before the plane hit, her life-processes ceasing instantly as her physical body burst like a dropped bag full of groceries.
She floated lightly above her earthly remains, watching a movie of her whole life played back slow and inevitable, and she judged herself on her behavior and even thoughts at each frame, with horrible guilt welling up within her at each glaring fault within her character.
At the end, there was much so guilt as there was so much more that she could have done better, or with more grace, or sincerity, or better discernment, or perhaps foresight.
Why oh why hadn't she done better?
Her whole life was one big mess-up, run by a short-sighted, feeble-willed idiot.
Or so the guilt said, but she was temple-trained to meet this ogre of the ego, and defeat it with the knowledge instilled into her by repeated forays into this chaotic place.
With her body death had come the death of her ego-self, and the blocking, controlling factors of the chemistry set that was her body, but why was she still here floating above the smoldering remains of a physical transport system that ate massive energy to produce nothing useful but physical movement?
From her unique vantage-point high above the mundane, she saw the ugliness and even hilarious stupidity of the physical world, and the insane state that the enlightened inhabitants of it had gotten themselves into, all the while blaming each other, or their ridiculous governments,or even prophesy, for the mess, and trying to solve their greedy service-to-self with physical technology.
She could see the whole life history of the airplane, from ore to swan dive, in one short flash, and the wasted lives of all of the workers, and passengers, all again producing nothing but waste as they tried to climb over each other in their greedy hustle for physical wealth.
Someone moaned softly, their broken physical form twitching in the twilight of the flames.
She felt loving compassion and reached within them and drew forth their spirit to hang beside her.
It was Chris, her husband, deep in the throes of his life-movie, even the non-physical portion of her husband jerking and shivering in the guilt phase.
Why was there a guilt phase to physical death?
She remembered a youthful sexual experience and the guilt-flood from that was almost the same.
Le petit morte lost its guilt as the penial gland calcified at puberty, but not this physical death of the body, and it still carried its full potential, locked away in some unknown glandular secretion.
That which was Chris twitched again, and she thought his life-review was seemingly taking longer than hers.
He was temple-trained just as she was, although he had come to the temple late in life, and perhaps had more ego-baggage to pare away.
He jerked, and twisted, and she knew fear, but for him not herself, as this was more than just some painful life review.
She looked down and saw that Chris was on a stretcher being manhandled by a person in a long white coat, such a pitiful excuse of a reminder of the real light of illumination, and Chris was being resuscitated and probably shocked, as she could see his body arching with a fierceness similar to making love.
Chris was gone from by her side and she could see his spirit resting uncomfortably, coaxially, within his body, bound there by the silver cord of his life.
Volunteers we were, but prisoners we are, until we are liberated by the death of the leash-master.
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He opened his eyes.
His name was Chris, that much he remembered, and they had been on a plane, and Marie!
His whole body writhed at the thought!
He should be the one that was dead, not his beautiful Marie!
He suffered her physical loss, indulging in it, for his own suffering's sake, heedless to the temple warning that suffering for one's own sake is the ultimate service-to-self, ego-stroking narcissism, and mourning a physical loss denied the eternity of the soul.
He wallowed in the depression of withdrawal as gradually his mind cleared from the chemical soup both injected and internally produced. and with it came a wave of pain!
His temple training kicked in, and he separated himself from it, placing it squarely away from him, where it wailed like next-door's crying baby that only tore at the ears with irritation.
Using his temple training to the fullest, he removed himself from the earthly realm by denying the validity of all sensory information, essentially filtering it away within the cerebellum until vacuity, and thus entering the void where there was less than nothing, like an emptiness within a field of nothing.
Oh! This chaos is the void!
Into which the mind can slip .
Going through the unhinged door,
Into the silence between the notes .
Oh! The chaos of the void is eternal !
Touch it once, and you will live forever .
Try to hold it, and it is not there .
Die before you touch it, and it is gone !
Oh! The chaos of the void is everything !
Its lips gape open, waiting .
Enter willingly inside the vacuity,
like the pits in cherry wine .
Oh! The chaos of the void is infinite !
It is the green-faced nothing ,
Where stars abound in the darkness ,
And all we do is radiate emptiness.
Oh! - There is a Lady within the void !
Who's face is the greatest sin of all !
She is the queen of heaven ,
And the sweetest of fragrances .
Oh! - There is a Lord within the void !
Scaled and horned with power!
He cares for his children ,
Who live for his attention.
Chris dreamed, if dreams could exist within the void, but still, dreams like whole intact memories, circulated within his existence, expressing themselves now and again, emphasizing this or that point like a lecturer emphasizing words.
The Samauri warrior swung the blade of his grandfather, slicing the reed mat in practice for the time he would swing it in real combat, intending to part the enemy's life as easily as he parted the reed mats here on the practice field. They too would be looking to take his life away from him just as easily, but he feared not death, but dishonor. His teachings taught that death was indeed his end, inevitable, and his only grace was to die honorably. He carried a short sword so he could accomplish the task himself should the need arise for him to fall upon his sword to maintain his honor. The honor of all his ancestors rode him heavily, and his every decision to action or inaction. But he was only a man, and men make mistakes. The fear of dishonor displaced the fear of death.
Marie stood at the window, the sun glinting in opalescent patches on her flesh. Naked, she stood alone against the onslaught of idiocy, specialization and impending death. He realized that she knew her death was inevitable, and that she accepted it like a cousin. He wished only that she could die with honor.
A seed fell from a tree and failed to take root. Eaten alive, it gave sustenance to everything around it. A seed fell from a tree and took root, and a new tree grew, nourished by the previous death and maintaining its presence despite the toothy gnawing of the ever-present rotting process of the others drawing out the sustainability from all that is around them, just as it drew out sustainability from all that was around it.
A fire burnt the forest, killing all that was born, releasing their sustainability. Death and fecundity at the ceasing of the bodily processes are inevitable reaction to their beginning. Being born means that you will die, and honor means recognizing the part of you, and indeed the part of everything, that doesn't physically die. The part of us all that lives outside of the physical realm, across the swath of the abyss, in the non-physical realm.
Growth can happen only within the physical realm. The non-physical realm is stagnant static stasis. There is no time, no space, and no physical inhabitants. It is the mother of the nothingness of the void, and infinite, yet all who come to any part of it are at all parts of it. It is a folded-up sack, with everything within it but emptiness. It is a bag of groceries folded up, yet it is far less than the width of a human hair, yet it holds the universe, touching on every point within it all at once.
Physical growth is survival of the oppressor by the death of its siblings. If one tree did not oppress the other, it would not survive. A star sucks the matter from its mother star. The tree knows that what it kills are its own kind, and does not distinguish differences between itself and others. Differentiation of the enemy to other than your kind is service-to-self.
The visions went on and on, emphasizing at first one, and then another point.
His body mended and his soul-mate, that in this lifetime had been named maria, now beyond the flesh, was with him throughout these new life-lessons.
The End Of Part One
©2009 by Esoterica
[email protected]Chris and Marie,Part 2
©2009 by Esoterica
[email protected]Marie hung above the hospital bed, looking down upon her bruised and broken husband.
She wanted so much to join him, to hold him and kiss his injuries, but she was across the abyss from her love, and no way to bridge the gap between them.
Her loved ones came from time to time, just to check on her, but she shooed them away as she still had a duty to this man, or at least to the eternal soul that he still harbored.
She herself knew that her awareness was now returned to her eternal soul-self since her body had died, but it really didn't phase her much as she had journeyed in this place so many times before in her temple training.
But what about Chris?
Like he always said, he had entered the temple training late in life, and late in the session too, so he hadn't have had much time to do a lot of journeying across the abyss.
His eyes flickered opened and she could see no recognition of her, and a faint skitter of fear passed across whatever served as the heart of the eternal soul, almost as if someone had walked across her freshly-interred corpse.
Would he, could he, still love her, now that she was non-physical again?
She noticed his eves were unfocused, and his hands were soft and unclenched, and she assumed he was under medication of some sort, something that had knocked him out and sent his awareness to a deeper level than her now higher one.
He moaned and said her name, but there was no way that she could reply.
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Chris gasped mentally from the effects of the medicine, feeling like he was going to drown in the sea of blackness that was descending over him.
It shoved him lower, into the sea, and deep down under it.
Inky deep, green and black, and shot through with congealed-blood-red streaks of life that called this dark place home.
It felt like an unlit womb, waiting for birth into absolute darkness.
Severing himself from the present, he swam upwards, looking for the smallest hint of daylight.
A light appeared ahead, like the exit to a long lost tunnel, and he doubled his speed toward it now that he had the goal in sight.
He broke through the drug-induced barrier like a sailor-fish breaking the surface of the sea, only to land back in it and wallowing in its weighty grasp.
It held him down and even stuck to him, this drug they had introduced into his bloodstream that now affected the cells of his cerebellum, but he could fight and he would, thinking thoughts of hope and glory and love, thoughts that created glandular secretions that worked just like thinking sex thoughts created other types of secretions, but these were secretions that fought the murky depths below and freed his eternal soul from their clutching hold.
He was out, and subconsciously kicked his heels as he arose into the light.
The silver cord stood wire-straight, rising up from his body to his awareness, which was now outside his body.
There were other consciousnesses floating around here in this sunder plane, but he didn't know them.
And then he saw Marie!!!
Their reunion was spectacular.
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She saw him arise out of himself, like a dolphin hurtling up from the dark depths, only to fall back again, but then she felt his burning thoughts of light and love, sounding like laughter in what passed for her ears here outside the body.
Then he was here, with her again, their energies melding into one huge conflagration of stormy passionate ruach!
Their eternal souls still intertwined, they conversed at some length, she catching him up on the plane crash that he didn't remember, and he on his fight with the medication that had held him back from their delightful union.
Neither could do anything about the condition of his body as they were across the river of the abyss, at least until he reentered it again, and she saw in what passed for his eyes in this place that he was loath to return quickly, almost pleading with her not to send him back yet.
She had no hold on him to stay or go, but she held him tightly with what passed for arms in this place and promised to never let him go.
He could always return here, and she would be waiting for him.
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Chris knew that he must return, and soon, but he lengthened time as much as he could to prolong the departure.
He was so glad that she was safe and happy and was looking out for him.
She had promised to wait for him eternally, and he believed she would, compressing time if need be to wait for him.
He knew that she must go on and complete her own journey, but he wallowed in selfishness for a few stretched-out heartbeats of togetherness, before releasing her from whatever passed for hands in this place.
He saw she would have continued forever, her unconditional and abiding love was that great for him, but she must continue on or she would remain stuck here waiting for him, a sorry ghost of what she truly was.
He pushed her away, and the hurt look in what passed for eyes here was only matched by the tears and sorrowfulness in his.
She went, reluctantly, slowly, ever looking back, then others appeared around here and they vanished from this place.
He hoped someday she would understand, that those others would explain it to her that he had no choice, that she had a future and he had not, at least until the silver cord was broken.
She was alive, and he was stuck in this dead place of shells.
Eager volunteers we may be at birth, joining that which is made for us, but prisoners of those bodies we are.
He suddenly sunk into the deep black ocean, a luminous spark down in the night-black.
He had returned.
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She stung, like a bee had penetrated the very center of whatever passed for a heart in this place, and cried softly, forlornly, at the horrible division that had come between them.
The others said the he did it for her own good, and had lauded him for it, but she could only feel remorse and regret that she had allowed herself to be manipulated so.
Even though they were eternal soul-mates, as they were one and the same splinter of the divine, he could be so mean sometimes!
She remembered his fits and the bad times, although most of the bad times were when they were not together yet and hadn't found each other, and she used the memory of them as a crutch to get through this betrayal, building a shield of anger and wishing that within whatever passed for bodies in this place there were chemical glandular secretions that could be triggered by thoughts.
Still hope and glory won the day over the soulless betrayal and guilt.
The others led her to a place where she must go on alone, and she passed on into the light.
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Chris sat on the sofa, reading yet another book on metaphysical experiences, searching for the best way to contact Marie, to tell her that his pushing her away was all a ploy to get her to continue her journey.
He slammed the book shut, seeing again the guilt raging from the sadness in whatever passed for her eyes in that place.
He steeled himself against the inevitable need for experimentation, as no book is a effective supplement for direct investigation, and he, of anyone, because of his temple training, was capable and really had nothing to lose now
The question was, what to focus on, and what were the best methods of establishing such a contact?
Marie was gone from the subtle plane that they inhabited while journeying out of the body, he had checked enough there to confirm that, but he also learned that she was fine and continuing with her existence.
Why oh why there was such a system, Chris did not know, but he must work within it as that was how it worked and that was that, no amount of subverting the system through odd beliefs, or calling the system different names, made it work any differently in the end.
She was gone and he wanted to be with her, if only for a moment.
He spent many days and weeks gathering chemical and mineral ingredients and trying each for their individual effect, finally creating a witch's brew of precursor chemicals and minerals that directly affected the cerebellum and the Purkenjie cells that governed the perception of reality and space and time, and were the key to opening the natural filter of the cerebellum.
Over months, this cocktail would expand the dendritic sensor tendrils of the Purkenjie cells in the cerebellum to many times their size, and increase his perception to an acute level, like putting a extremely sensitive receiver into a radio set.
If it didn't kill him that is, for the heavy metals that were necessary, many of which he had replaced with their precursor mineral forms, still had various nasty properties on the liver and other organs if they were taken in too large amount.
Moderation was the key, just as it was with everything else that went into the body.
And he worked feverishly to perfect the thoughts of hope and love and eternal glory that would crank out the glandular chemical signature of the formula on demand, and the formula itself to produce exactly the desired effect, observed by experimentation.
He balanced his energies, dark and light combining to make the ever-so-familiar gray of the middle way.
He prepared himself physically too, as the body is the limiter as well as the fuel for these sort of operations, and without a solid foundation there can be no building, but mainly because to produce the desired effect, he would have to come very close to physical death, having what was called a 'near-death experience', or 'nde' for short.
Then, on a saturday morning, he knew he was ready....
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Maria fidgeted, if an eternal soul could fidget, and though her tie to Chris was slowly diminishing, it was still strong and pulled her away from her meditation, if one could call it that.
There was no time or space here, so she could not get away from either Chris or these others, some of which were her family members and some were not-so-worldly folk, that helped her along with a push here and a shove there, as they assimilated her lifetime's experience like it was some detailed juicy remembering of a thrill ride at an amusement park.
She had often wondered why the subconscious was such a good recorder, and not just of bare facts but of emotions and distortions and many things she wasn't even aware of herself after the filtering of the cerebellum, and why did they want her living memories so?
She continued, as that was all there was to do.
Perhaps they were just bored, and living vicariously through others, or was it some vast repository of morphogenetic field of memory and this is how it was added to?
She wondered what would happen after her debriefing, but then she remembered that there was no time in this place, so there could be no after or before, only eternity.
No wonder they were bored.
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Chris lay on the bed, his eyes closed, and his breathing coming in a long, slow and competent rhythm.
He was not asleep, although he longed to, since he had determinedly made himself stay awake for 3 days, practicing laying on the floor on a mat without falling asleep.
He was now as ready as ready could be.
The room was absolutely dark and cool but not cold, and not drafty, and there was white noise flooding his ears from headphones, blocking out all mundane sounds.
He lay on the woven mat upon the floor, and the rough material of it dug into his flesh, smothering all feeling, and the reek of it overwhelmed his sense of smell.
He thought the thoughts of hope and glory that flooded the cerebellum with the higher vibratory glandular excretions, and played around with the thought mixture to obtain the best result.
He could feel his aura expanding and his senses felt like they could go as far as he would let them.
Time and space ceased to exist as he slid more sideways, or inside-out, than up or down.
He began to get mind pictures, but he pushed those away as he fought his way to losing his physical body, not to the subtle plane across the abyss, but to the other place that was across incarnation, to thin the silver cord that bound him to the physical, until only the slightest breath of it held him from the severance of death.
First there was just darkness, then a presence brought with it light.
There were no words for describing where he was, only a feeling of pulsing power.
Guilt at denying his volunteering struck at him, that what he was doing was beyond the pale and just not right.
A rush of speed and then there were his relatives and the others in that realm that was beyond the beyond.
And Marie, looking forgiving and hopeful and wishing and she flew to him and he to her.
Their mingled energies nearly set the place alight.
He had a choice to make, and he made it.
Volunteering is volunteering, after all.
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When Marie saw Chris here in the underworld, she knew a rush of fear that he had ended his incarnation in order to be with her.
And that would have invalidated his volunteering in the first place, and could even cause him to deny future incarnations.
But then she realized he had done something incredibly bold, and she flew to his fiery embrace!
They lingered in combination of smiling energies, but she knew, once the question came, that he could not stay, that she would have to push him away as he did her.
He made the right decision and she was very proud of him.
She would wait, and willingly.
He finally withdrew from her embrace, and receded away back toward the land of solidity.
It pained her to know that this was the way things were, but it was indeed just the way things were.
She would have shrugged if she had shoulders.
The End
got the check for my research into pseudo-nde, so time to partaae
all they wanted was the stupid formula for the supplement,but there was soooo much more
see you at the tp (telepathic party) and resting
twitter: esotericha
The Goodbye Thread
May 26 2009, 08:12 AM
