Just a few days ago, I went over to a friend's house. We made a shroom tea, and though I've done shrooms a lot before, and at much higher doses, it was the most intense struggle of my life. All these thoughts were surfacing, as many negative as positive, and I could barely control them, like trying to swim against a powerful ocean current. I decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to get into the general meditating posture and try to clear my mind of thoughts, focus on my breathing etc. It was very difficult, but I was persistant, and managed to have a little success. The struggle was very reminiscent of the feeling of over-exerting oneself in an endurance sport, such as running or swimming, but continuing to do it. I knew that this experience was a test of sorts, like a culminating point of increasing spiritual growth. If I was unable to clear my mind in this state and fell back into the sea of churning thoughts, I would fail. During the climax of this experience, the power went out, and it was a perfectly sunny day. I knew that I was being tested, and that I would receive a great gift if I was able to succeed. I probably sat in meditation for about an hour before finally coming to a plateau of serenity, where I accepted all the thoughts and they simmered down. The analogy I thought of at the time was that all the thoughts one can have are like party guests, and enlightenment lets them all in the door (and has a good time with them) instead of turning away the "bad" ones, like paranoia, jealousy, etc. This was a sort of temporary enlightenment, or at least showing me the true nature of it. Once I was collected enough to take action, I decided to walk home on the nature trail that sort of connects our houses. As I was walking, I felt a compassion for everything, as that is the only natural state that one can fall into when one is aware of, and accepting of, everything. The whole "love/compassion is the nature of the enlightened" is one thing I never fully understood before, as it seemed biased (in favor of "good") to me before, but I then understood it. It's not biased - but that's something I think everyone has to learn from experience, not from books or teachers. When I got home, the stereo in my living room was on, and playing some calm new-age type music. I thought maybe someone had come home while I was gone and turned it on, but I later confirmed that no one had been home that day besides me. I just sat down on my couch and enjoyed the music, while feeling a deep-seated compassion for everything. This trip felt nothing like the other times I had taken shrooms. I also suspect that some entity/ies made the power go out and turned on the stereo in accordance with the experience, or perhaps at least in regards to the power going out, the intensity of my own energy at the time. It was unbelievable, and I now have a greater understanding of reality and the nature of enlightenment.
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