When I first met Ellis, I first met Ellis in the form of the sigil, the LS.. and woah man, o.0' I was instantly drawn to it; to hear/feel the thrum coming from it made me realize that yes, there are folk out here who actually know and can do a thing or two about a thing or two at least. I decided to explore further and so spoke with some of the kindest, most welcoming people I've met in the great deal of forums I've encountered in my brief online time of five years, or so. (it really isn't all that much.) After asking a few questions, and receiving some very informative answers - I decided to meet Ellis proper, and so went about it in the form of visualized meditation.
At first I encountered a floating island in a sea of liquid darkness, lit by unknown means with perfectly grown lawn and beautiful well-placed flowers - although it didn't look at all contrived, merely the occurrence of what would occur should only grass and this one type of flower grow there. Impeccable. On this island was a small chair. Now, y'gotta understand - I wasn't on that island. I was standing in a doorway. The island was in the middle of the sea. Knowing it to be of the mind, I instantly tried to 'fly' there - knowing this to be my thought, and in thought this is possible.. What I had forgotten is that I wasn't simply in my mind, I was also working with the L.S. to meet Ellis. Shared thoughtsphere, and so it surprised me when I found I could not fly. Instead I fell, and I fell past the island only to encounter sticky threads which mysteriously appeared where my hands could reach them, but to hold them was futile, because as soon as I grasped for one - it broke. What did work, I found after many errors, was to simply be on the damned island! Interesting.
What once was an empty chair on a small, isolated island was now a seated woman in a chair, in a vast field of surprising diversity and coherence. A small grouping of flowers appeared as a melange of rich color, none of which the same - and yet such harmony in the combination. There were butterflies of great hue and shimmering effects.. there were birds composed of electric pulsations, but also there were spiders, skulls, and glowing eyes in every shadow. A breeze passed by, and it was as a rift of transformation; the entire landscape in a constant flux of unpredictable harmony, and symmetrical disorder.
The woman herself was of no great appearance; she wasn't unbelievably attractive nor was she unattractive. She appeared relaxed yet poised - this was Her domain, and in it, yes, she reigns as queen - but a generous one, sharing her bounty with any who so sought to be shared with and in turn share their own bounties. I approached her, and she took my hand in her own looking into my eyes. I saw that her eyes had shifted to be my own, and so there I was - looking into my own eyes for a brief moment.
In a voice like resinous honey, none too warm but certainly not chilled I heard the words, "You'll do."
To say that Ellis is a cold, and destructive woman isn't entirely true. To say that Ellis is warm and constructive isn't entirely true either. Ellis is both of these, and more. Ellis is neither of these, and less. Ellis is, and isn't Ellis. To say "Ellis" is to miss the picture. To miss the picture is perhaps, an aspect of Ellis.
My understanding of Ellis is far from complete, but my understanding of Ellis is that there is no complete understanding.
Potential.
Probability.
Unequivocal efficiency.
After meeting Ellis, well, to say that my world was one of milkshakes, lollipops and rainbows is far from the truth. It was more-so as if the roller coaster I was on had suddenly shifted tracks, and physics. The experiences I encountered were the same, but different.. as if something were just a bit 'off' on a subtle and intrinsic level. I found myself experiencing bursts of supreme paranoia, thunderous anger, mass-groupings of doubt, insecurity, and hopelessness.
For a while, I felt that the people I had met who seemed so kind, and accepting were nothing more than the ego-puffed elitists I had encountered in many of the other forums I've wandered across. Cruel bastards who sought nothing less than a hideous end to all things as they currently are*.
But, the reason why I feel Ellis said "You'll do" is how I responded to this. Yeah, at first I was very skittish - but I was still drawn. Often times the only way I could even enter a chatroom was while drunk off my ass, and yeah - that's rather pathetic. The important thing I realized though is that this paranoia.. anger.. insecurity.. was NOT Ellis. Was NOT DKMU. These were all aspects of me. Those were demons of my own that I had not faced, but rather had denied - allowing them to grow to rampant proportion with me none the wiser.
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Ellis merely stood as a catalyst.
Ellis merely looked into me with my own eyes, and showed me what was seen.
To say that Ellis is a cold, and destructive woman isn't entirely true. To say that Ellis is warm and constructive isn't entirely true either. Ellis is both of these, and more. Ellis is neither of these, and less. Ellis is, and isn't Ellis. To say "Ellis" is to miss the picture. To miss the picture is perhaps, an aspect of Ellis.
My understanding of Ellis is far from complete, but my understanding of Ellis is that there is no complete understanding.
And that is, perhaps, one of the most awesome things about the Red Queen.