the Joyful sadness happens when you start examining the joy, when you stop just enjoying it, when you question it and reject it.
The joy can be mind blowing at times, i have felt it too, and it ishard to deal with it.
Yesterday i was sitting in my room feeling like that. I have a huge cold, my sinusses where hurting, my head was banging.
I had foolishly tasted from some wine i was brewing, only 4 days after introducing the yeast. Thus that yeast bacteria was having fun inside me.
To top that of, i was so happy, undescribable happy, it was mind blowing. Yet it was ironic, since i was hurting all over my body. And i had to laugh at all of it.
The happynes is fun but also painfull, it is wrong to attach to it, wrong to desire it, wrong to question it.
Overthinking is never a good thing.
You do not have to be a hermit, you have to be a hermit of the mind. Blank the mind in meditation, if you do not think about problems, then these things will not exist for you. Deal with them as they stand before you, forget them completely otherwise. Forget them even when dealing with them, just act on them, do not think about them.
Wheter you hide from problems like a hermit, or you don't care about these problems and forget about them. The end result is the same, they do not longer dictate your life. Things you don't think about do not exist.
I once experienced that joy while making a french test i knew i was going to fail. I was sitting there, doing the best i could with the knowledge that i could never pass it. The joy lasted the rest of the day, and to a lesser extent the rest of the week. But at that moment it had its peak.
I was sober at all these experiences, i didn't take any medications or drugs. Not even while sick.
I believe that this experience of love and joy goes togheter with the act of letting go. these steps i have noticed.
- First i let go of all my worries and problems, realy breathe out and release the stress.
- Then i just see the world as if it where a play and i wasn't part of it, not even part of my body.
- Then i start feeling giddy, almost like high on hash, but more divine, higher.
- Then the joy starts, so much joy, and when you take a walk in the forest when the sun is shining at that point, wow.
Everything is so beautifull then, everything is, there are no words to desrcibe it. its like the love for a loved one, and that love, multiplied by a million.
When i first started experiencing thase things I thought i was going insane. But these days i just enjoy the ride while it lasts.
I believe each mage is unique in his experience of the world, unique in many ways.
but each individual is the same in many problems, visions, thoughts, desires.
The experience of this joy feeling is one where we are all the same. Everyone can experience it.
But some people never will, because they are just not interested in the spiritual life, that shows the uniqueness of each individual.
On many points we are unique, and on many points whe are exactly the same. So both statements are true.