Dark night of the soul Options

I have reason to believe i am going trough the dark night of the soul. Wich is fine and all that, but it causes me to feel like shit for the moment.
Everything, even death, seems hollow and boring to me.
I feel this intens feeling of unhappynes, sadness, melancholy if you will.
If you want a complete description of what exactly it is, google has good results.

Could anyone provide me with some guidance, so that i may awake from this night a well rested man? Or perhaps some real life experiences, its always more interesting than regurgitated googleisms. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/fie.gif)

Been there for a while now myself. I had some brief respite a while ago when I managed to let go of my attachments to things and people. Sadly I have since built up those attachments again, and have fallen in to old ways of thinking and feeling.

I am not sure if there is a way through. I am going on a 6 week meditation class at the start of 2006 which I hope will give me the tools to deal with this. I think the problem for me is that I do not feel compassion for myself and so cannot open my heart up to others. You cannot learn to love others until you love yourself.

Good luck.

Lets hope we reach the end of the tunnel.
For the moment i see no way out.
I thought of suicide, but even that seemed to boring, to hollow and uninteresting to do.

I can only undergo it, it seems.
It started a month or ago, it was preceded by a few days of intens joy. And then i seem to have fallen from the high magick and philosophy had gotten me.

I am hunting the ego right now, but it is a cunning fiend. Even this phrase is ego based.

The ego is necessary, the idea that we should try to destroy it is nonsense. The ego is a saviour at times.

I don't think there is any mastery of the dark night or any part of life; life is just a series of cycles and changes and re-visits.

Our own conditioning and resulting thought patterns can be changed, but it is often only temporary since our past is a strong part of our history.

The only way forward in my experience is to get to know and understand ourselves as much as we can so that we can see how we ourselves have an effect on how we are feeling and watch out for the parts of ourselves that seem to go against each other.

This is where meditation has helped me so much, it seems to ground me and I get to notice my moods and feelings and as each stage of life passes, I can add more to my memories of how I handled the bits of me that I found uncomfortable, with each cycle, its get easier - it still often causes the same feelings, but we learn how to manage it all a lot better.

thanks for your help radiant star.

However, i do not see the ego as a necesary thing.

Our own conditioning and resulting thought patterns can be changed, but it is often only temporary since our past is a strong part of our history.

I must say, i do not think that is so.
Our past is a strong part of our history, that much is true. Our history is a part of us, wich is also true. But what part is our history. It is only the memories of it that remain, and while memories may define the ego, they do not define us.
Memories often are chains that cling us, and for one reason only, because we let them bind us.
Another thing that is part of history is the status quo, other people start to expect a certain behaviour from us, and unwillingly, unknowingly, we dance the dance with them.
Unaware of our own folly, of our chains.

The truth is, that history, memories, and status quo have no power or defenition on us. If we were to do something that goes against what people would expect of us, they would just say we have changed, and be extremely surprised.


Meditation brought me in this mess, or perhaps a blessing, because the dark night represents change.
It also showed me how i responded to situations. But i took another approach to these reactions. I changed my reactions. People often comment me on how i transformed into an entirely different person.


What ultimately happened was this.
I took pride in my realisations, and in my magickal skill. I felt that trough my magick i was in control of my life.
Control, blah, control of what, nothing more than maya.
But my ego did not seem to mind, and it kept honouring itself for its precious achievements, pride over it, superiority.
And so it dripped in, until the ego got bigger.
However, the ego is not magickal, and it has no magickal skill, it has almost no skills besides self preservation. So i lost my 'superiority' and suddenly life got a lot darker, being used to a higher standerd.

Thus the dark night came to be...

What a wonderful explanation.

I think I have fallen into the trap of matching my life up to how happy I feel about it and maybe that is a mistake; we cannot be happy about everything and maybe to feel good and superior about our magick or indeed anything brings a false happiness and a false sense of security, so that when things change or we let of that which we believe is important, it must be inevitable that things look dark.

I don't see anything wrong with feeling pleased about our achievements only if we think we are the best or better than others, because that is unrealistic and I think it is when we recognize things that are unrealistic that maybe we see the illusions and that is painful.

mars is in retrograde = introspection, self-conflict, incompleteness

the death of the ego (dark night of the soul) is the hardest thing there ever is to do but is truly necessary for advancement - and that is only the beginning - you then begin to judge your own actions from the past as your entire life is thrown up before your eyes.

be strong, for it will end the moment you accept it

in LVX,
Esoterica
Graal '05 (the Cauldron/Horn Of Plenty/Thanksgiving)
"Love is the Law, Love under Will"

Fear is the key. Overcome fear and the ego is destroyed/tamed. Then one can open the heart chakra to universal love/compassion. I can't even love myself right now, cannot overcome my fears that the ego manifests into attachments. The work goes on.

Hmm, fear. That is a big obstacle indeed.

there are still many ways to go, my ego has not emptied its trick basket, but neither have i. So the agony continues, until i can see clearly trough al its tricks.

I must say, i am doing rather well today, thanks you all for your advise.
I truly am lucky to have a place like this to talk about problems on the path.

Many thanks and blesses to you all!

There's really no correct answer to your problem, what might be the right thing one day may be the wrong thing the next day. The dark night of the soul can be sweet and quick. It can be the most intense, seemingly unending hellfire you could ever imagine.

This experience is truly, what I would call unspeakable. As no human words can properly describe that terrible, beautiful nothingness that now rests on your shoulders.

The only advice that's really allowable at this point are few. The choices you make now are of the utmost importance, conceive your path with all the wisdom that you're able to muster. Beware of relatives and friends, don't be paranoid, but be aware.

This post has been edited by Bb3: Nov 24 2005, 01:22 AM

What a wonderful explanation.

I think I have fallen into the trap of matching my life up to how happy I feel about it and maybe that is a mistake; we cannot be happy about everything and maybe to feel good and superior about our magick or indeed anything brings a false happiness and a false sense of security, so that when things change or we let of that which we believe is important, it must be inevitable that things look dark.

When you are happy, be happy.
When you are sad, be sad.
What usually happens is we experience the moment of happiness or sadness, and then the 'ego' takes over and we dwell of false happiness or sadness. I drive to work, someone cuts in front of me at a junction forcing me to brake, i'm angry. That moment of 'real' anger is very brief, but the ego then creates more and more anger and thoughts of what an arsehole the other guy is, what I should have shouted at him blah blah blah. Happiness is the same, we experience 'real' moments of happiness and then the ego takes over and we feel we SHOULD be happy, how if only we had X or Y we woul be happy blah blah blah.

Bankei said 'abide in the unborn', I think he had the right idea. The dark night of the soul can be seen as the opening of the floodgates of all these ego created false emotions that overwhelm us. Getting through this flood is hard. As bad as it feels it is also a comfortable place to be because we feel so bad it constantly puts US at the centre of the world which is very egocentric.

Misery loves company, as the old saying goes.

Greetings to you all!

aaaah ... 'The Long Night Of The Soul' I know it VERY well. That sinking concrete feeling when there is no god, no movement left, right, up down, sides .... where you are on your own in your own despair .... been there a few times ... like everyone else I cannot conquer it ... I just endure it .. let it descend and unfold and try to ACCEPT it ... that to me is the key ....

I understand it as 'growth' ... my concept of it is when there are false personality shells and traits which have been removed/absorbed/consumed ... then the dark night strikes and it is a deliberate attempt by the inner self to 'stop you in your tracks' before any more undoing and readjustment is made. It is an internal process which permits a catch up and metamorphism to occur.

I've read the various comments and feel VERY GRATEFUL that others have gone through the same and are going through the same. It is not weak to be unable to master the process or to continually go through it. On the contrary it is BRAVERY personified. The very fact you are in it and experiencing it means you have ACHIEVED something. So guys, give yourselves a big pat on the back and congratulate yourself. Be constructive and creative about the process and remain positive. It is the first step towards wandering out of the mists of doom. It will never go away ...

To me it is an assimilation process ... one which is better to be done here on earth with the chance to make the necessary changes. For if it ain't done now then the magical changes you have created with your workings CANNOT OCCUR in this lifetime! They will occur sometime. But its too late being in the other realms with the assimilation process occurring ... you cannot make the fine adjustments and changes so you would need to reincarnate.

The ego is necessary, the idea that we should try to destroy it is nonsense. The ego is a saviour at times.

I don't think there is any mastery of the dark night or any part of life; life is just a series of cycles and changes and re-visits.

Our own conditioning and resulting thought patterns can be changed, but it is often only temporary since our past is a strong part of our history

I agree TOTALLY! The ego should not be destroyed. It is the glove which the 'hand' of our true self can hide in at times when we magicians wish to appear like the others out there. Without the ego I believe we would not be able to comprehend or associate with the less fortunate individuals out there who don't make a conscious effort to use magic to better their lives!

I accept the times when the Long Dark Night comes on and live with it as readily as the spell casting and the other works. It is the PROOF (to me) that I have made some internal changes. It is merely the external parts realigning themselves to the pattern and design set by the internal changes!

So, fellow magicians and forum friends, those of you are going through it ... believe in yourselves and your own abilities. Ignore the little inner voice which may at this moment be criticising you ... and know the pain of this process is worth it ... in a week or ten days or a month when you get through it (and you will) ... there will be a spring in your step and an inner strength you didn't seem to have before. You won't quite be the same person ever again ... but you will be a better person and a person one step closer to being the true self within ...

Another way to look at the Long Dark Night is a 'spiritual detox'! Those of you who have had an actual detox will understand the similarities.

I am no master of the Long Dark Night ... its just I've wandered through it on numerous occasions and I know the terror it causes. So my sympathies go out to those going through it at the minute ....

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/wacko.gif)


(IMG:style_emoticons/default/5.gif)

i know what you mean bb3, one must be aware of the way the actions of relatives affect one. Sometimes it causes anger, discontent, etc. Sometimes joy, pleasure, etc.
But one should realize that all these things are empty in itself, the actions are just smal inputs, like the way a light switch enables a light bulb to glow or go out. It is not the switch that makes the light glow, it is the electricity flowing trough the wires. If one was to disconnect the switch and make a direct connection to the bulb, it would never go out. On the other hand, if one where to cut the wire, the bulb would never burn.
So it is with relatives and their effect on us, we are the wires, we are the bulb, and our senses are the switches, to wich wires and how we connect the switches is our own choice.


yes, mediocracy i completely think the same.
And these false emotions, what are they. Deconstruct anger, then what is left, in the now it does not exist, it is the effect you get when you light a stick of incense and spin it around in circles. You appear to have created a circle, but there is not circle, there is only a glowing stick. and this stick is not round.
So it is with emotions, they are illusions, the effect of memory. Our brain keeps them alive, by constantly and actively remembering the nanosecond before, to create something that we call an emotion. The experience seems very real, but is an illusion. If Thought is T, Memory is M, Time is S and Emotion is E, then the following formulas are true:
M=T+S
E=M*T
E=(T+S)*T
E=T²+TS
So the most important factor would be T->thought, and a secondary factor is time. So anger is nothing more than thoughts combined with a small factor of time. The feeling itself is caused by other factors, such as the importance we point to that thought or thoughts. This enables the feeling to exist.
However living in the now, the act of wu wei as the taoists call it, makes it impossible to have long lasting emotions but peace and tranquility, because the mind is not storing and/or remembering these thoughts influenced by time. It is only experiencing the now. only emotions as a result of the now are possible, and something like the dark night is impossible to occur.
Dealing with emotions as we are living them in the now, is another matter alltogether.

This leads me to what mr merlin said. accepting the dark night is to me the action of stopping to cling to it. Once the mind is emptied, and the only interaction that exists is the one that deals with the now, then how can long lasting feelings of dread and lonliness like experienced in the dark night endure. These feelings are a result of a constant memory of lonliness, weakness, fears. While we may not be experiencing these actions at the moment. Right now i am typing a post, what does that have to do with the dark night, nothing. If i accept it then this posting is only tekst and my laptop, nothing more, occuring at the place i am now. Why would anyone feel unhappy because he is typing, that is just silly.

Still, this is easyer said than done.

I must thank you all again, because i feel i am getting somewhere.
I feel i must open myself up and be fearless, remove all my doubts, and respond to people with utmost interest and compassion. Then clear my mind about doubts of my apearance, my style, my knowledge, my skill. And genuinly interact with this world without expectations or remorse, or even contentment over achievements accomplished.

Forgive me for my spelling, i am certain i made many mistakes.
And thank you all for your attention, i know this was a relatively long and perhaps boring post.

As you have pointed out, the 'simple' part is understanding this on the itellectual level. The hard part is putting this into practice, to (as Bankei would say) Abiding in the Unborn.

I am trying to put this into practice through meditation/zazen, going to a buddhist meditation course next year, reading the teachings of Bakei and others, and also the Sufi practice of opening the heart chakra. It may be a long perilous journey through the dark night of the soul, but once on the path it is impossible to turn back.

Mediocracy, it's not that you can't turn back, it's that you can never get back!

I agree with what you're saying Fox. But to clarify: family and friends (without knowing, or meaning, or hey sometime with knowing or meaning) are now outlets, channels if you will, for attack from any hostile force you can imagine. That's really what I mean, though what you're saying covers one aspect these attacks can take on.

This post has been edited by Bb3: Nov 24 2005, 12:58 PM

I have reason to believe i am going trough the dark night of the soul. Wich is fine and all that, but it causes me to feel like shit for the moment.
Everything, even death, seems hollow and boring to me.
I feel this intens feeling of unhappynes, sadness, melancholy if you will.
If you want a complete description of what exactly it is, google has good results.

Could anyone provide me with some guidance, so that i may awake from this night a well rested man? Or perhaps some real life experiences, its always more interesting than regurgitated googleisms. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/fie.gif)

The best advice is to just wait it out. Be sure to keep doing your daily ritual no matter what though. You WILL come out of it much stronger, wiser etc. etc.
Magic seems about useless and meaningless in the middle of it, but keep going anyways. After you are through it it will all seem worth it (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)
Best of luck.

Athena

The ego is necessary, the idea that we should try to destroy it is nonsense. The ego is a saviour at times.

I don't think there is any mastery of the dark night or any part of life; life is just a series of cycles and changes and re-visits.

Our own conditioning and resulting thought patterns can be changed, but it is often only temporary since our past is a strong part of our history.

The only way forward in my experience is to get to know and understand ourselves as much as we can so that we can see how we ourselves have an effect on how we are feeling and watch out for the parts of ourselves that seem to go against each other.

This is where meditation has helped me so much, it seems to ground me and I get to notice my moods and feelings and as each stage of life passes, I can add more to my memories of how I handled the bits of me that I found uncomfortable, with each cycle, its get easier - it still often causes the same feelings, but we learn how to manage it all a lot better.

I fully agree on the ego bit! Not destroy it but make it work for you (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) The ego is our tool in this world, we wouldn't get very far without it.
Meditation definatly helps! Well that and daily ritual.

Athena

thanks for your help radiant star.

However, i do not see the ego as a necesary thing.

Our own conditioning and resulting thought patterns can be changed, but it is often only temporary since our past is a strong part of our history.

I must say, i do not think that is so.
Our past is a strong part of our history, that much is true. Our history is a part of us, wich is also true. But what part is our history. It is only the memories of it that remain, and while memories may define the ego, they do not define us.
Memories often are chains that cling us, and for one reason only, because we let them bind us.
Another thing that is part of history is the status quo, other people start to expect a certain behaviour from us, and unwillingly, unknowingly, we dance the dance with them.
Unaware of our own folly, of our chains.

The truth is, that history, memories, and status quo have no power or defenition on us. If we were to do something that goes against what people would expect of us, they would just say we have changed, and be extremely surprised.


Meditation brought me in this mess, or perhaps a blessing, because the dark night represents change.
It also showed me how i responded to situations. But i took another approach to these reactions. I changed my reactions. People often comment me on how i transformed into an entirely different person.


What ultimately happened was this.
I took pride in my realisations, and in my magickal skill. I felt that trough my magick i was in control of my life.
Control, blah, control of what, nothing more than maya.
But my ego did not seem to mind, and it kept honouring itself for its precious achievements, pride over it, superiority.
And so it dripped in, until the ego got bigger.
However, the ego is not magickal, and it has no magickal skill, it has almost no skills besides self preservation. So i lost my 'superiority' and suddenly life got a lot darker, being used to a higher standerd.

Thus the dark night came to be...

LOL they can't be changed? What do you think we do magic for? Not like I am saying they are easy to change or anything but it is possible with hard work.
Try out the 6 month Abramelin operation sometime (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Athena

Fear is the key. Overcome fear and the ego is destroyed/tamed. Then one can open the heart chakra to universal love/compassion. I can't even love myself right now, cannot overcome my fears that the ego manifests into attachments. The work goes on.

That part always sucks (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif) I think everyone is there, or at least there a good part of their life (I have worked with a lot of people and been there done that myself).
Meditating on opening up and love for months helped a lot for me, but it was damn hard. And it's not like suddenly we wake up changed on day, it is all in stages, darn! Best of luck with this Mediocracy.
I recommend the book God is a Verb if you are into the Kabbalistic stuff at all.

Athena

Greetings Fellow Magicians ...

I did the search engine thing 'the long dark night of the soul' and found a perfect explanation for it:-

The experience of the Dark night is the apparent disappearance of the Divine Grace that the Kundalite has become accustomed to as a warm, loving presence. It is a feeling of having been abandoned by God, characterized by an extreme sense of loneliness, and often a sense of futility and an experience of all efforts coming out the opposite of what is expected.

The simplest way to explain this, is that one no longer feels the presence of the Divine, because the separation from the Divine has disappeared, melted into the I AM. You cannot feel God-dess because you *are* God-dess.

I have extracted the above from Kundalini Teacher

The dark night of the soul is a blessing in disguise because it saves us from the delusions and fantasies created by our ego. This is the initiation that imprints the likeness of the ideal model upon our ego. Thus, we can see that the dark night of the soul is the passage that takes us from a world of duality to a world of wholeness and unity, and makes us beacons of light for others to follow. We become living models who inspire in others the same spiritual process that leads them to their own understanding of primordial knowledge and truth.

The dark night of the soul teaches us to look at the horrors and joys of the world, the cycles of birth and death, the wars and destructions of nature and of the world economies with a quiet heart and a peaceful mind. On this level, our consciousness becomes a part of the center of everything happening in the world since we empathize with all the pains and joys that humanity experiences. Together they are transformed and united in the hallowed Holy Grail that, from here on, enlightens and illuminates our center of Being. The dark night of the soul liberates our limited and limiting consciousness into one that is unlimited and universal, as Cosmic Consciousness makes us aware of our true cosmic nature.

This was taken from Plotinus.com


The above quotes seem to epitomise the experience very well.

Good explanations Mr Merlin (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

I don't like to remember my first experience of it, but it did spur me on to much greater growth and not needing to know that there is a god.

Actually, it should open your eyes to the fact that there is a God. That is what is beyond the dark night. Not the goody-goody christian god either, but the real thing with the ability to destroy as powerful as the ability of 'it' to heal. The One Source is so powerful an energy that is amazing, and the lower point conducts so much power back to the source that the space around it glows like a plasma.

E.

MODSQUAD - I am finding your posts a bit 'preachy'. These forums are for people to share ideas, NOT to preach. - Mediocracy

So sorry, meant to be teachy, not preachy. Good point. I guess I've been writing for the magickal™ magazines too much lately! Anyway, it's just that the 'dark night' for any mage has to be considered the most important time in their life - a turning point in their evolution, and it is the point at which they find that all the myriad traditions point to one common theme, that of a extra-universal power that forever will use and direct the mage, and is way too strong to be harnessed. It can burn as well as heal, and is older than time itself.

E.

This post has been edited by esoterica: Nov 26 2005, 10:33 AM

I haven't read all the posts in-depth but I will since I think it's an important part of the journey through the occult the "Dark Night". I been there before. Lasted for about a good 8 months maybe longer, and I must say it has chnaged my outlook on life.Think of it like this... Lost your job? The end of the dark night leads you to a job where your talents were better suited. Financial problems? The tunnel shows you to the support others can give you if you search. Sometimes we don't appreciate the family, and close friends we truely have until we see that they were always there for us. Lost your girlfriend? The tunnel shows you to a better relationship, and even opens your eyes to love that was always there but you didn't noticed.

You should listen to the infamous, and overplayed song "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. At times when I went through hell that song brought me to tears. Listen to the lyrics, and it is so occult related, and so much like the dark night. It also gives us an important lesson. Everything still turns to gold... There is always hope.

Good luck dude!

marquis, i will have to listen to that song then, becouse you have aroused some curiosity in me.

Not the goody-goody christian god either, but the real thing with the ability to destroy as powerful as the ability of 'it' to heal

I agree that the source is universal, neither good nor evil, both and none at the same time.

Merlin, those are insights worth my weight in gold. Thank you.

Athena, i quoted too much, i do believe that Our own conditioning and resulting thought patterns can be changed, but i do not believe that our past is important. Also i will buy that book on my next buying spree.

This is a depleating condition I have been afflicted with for what seems like 3 years now. From my understanding, it is a crucial point in one's life, when the view that one presently held about onesef and realty changes, it completely breaks down. It is akin to the sheding of an outer shell, painful at best, as its roots ran deep within ones persona. It is not ego loss, it is ego shift, and it can be quite a tramatic experience when one has clung to the old ego for so long, so fiercely. Pain is a measure of your resistance of letting go.

And with this, pain and feelings that betray my compassion seems never ending. The ego will no go quitetly, it tends to fight for its existance. It truely has a mind aside, and it believes it is in the right, and it is all that is. The battle wages on, until I find myself mentally exhausted, which in turn leads to physical exhaustion. Meditation, introspection, philosophy, psychology, I have walked these paths. Buddhism -Zen and others, Tantra, Magick of all kinds, eastern and western traditions alike ave walked with me. Yet sleeping in a bed of thorns, with rocks as my pillow, and darkness as my blanket, I know no comfort. I have seen my only enemy, and it is me.

It is akin to the sheding of an outer shell, painful at best, as its roots ran deep within ones persona. It is not ego loss, it is ego shift, and it can be quite a tramatic experience when one has clung to the old ego for so long, so fiercely. Pain is a measure of your resistance of letting go.

Well said! It is exactly that (for me anyway). It is pain and it is a shift in ego. Nothing is ever actually lost ... it just appears that way at the time. Its like a metamorphosis as the mortal awareness shifts and swirls.

"No pain no gain" is such a wonderful cliche to explain the process. The sensation of pain indicates growth is being undertaken.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/wallbash.gif)

I read a text by some yogi once. It had nothing to do with this specifically, but a certain part got my attention suddenly.

He claimed that the man wo walks the spiritual path, but still clings to the materal world, will be torn in two. He will not know peace, and in the end he will be shown the true path trough a great amount of suffering and pain.

I think we need to let go of the material world, And become completely focused on spiritual gain. Don't get me wrong, we should still do our best in this world.
A strong spiritual man is no slacker!!, it is not a ticket to freeloading and giving up!!!
But this world should not be the main goal of life.
The material world should be a training ground, where we can test our spiritual strenght. Where we can be tempted to weakness and train in our way of mind over matter.

You cannot learn the idea of "mind over matter" if you do not deal with the bonds of matter, without matter we cannot learn the spiritual, in that way it is our greatest tool.

But we must realise it is only a tool for training. In training there is no gain or loss beside in the abilities you are training for. To desire gain in the material world is the same as to be bound to it, it is weakness. If the spirit cannot deal with material loss, then it grows soft and weak.

You cannot serve both God and Mammon.

http://www.godspy.com/meditations/You-cann...e-John-Paul.cfm

It is not wrong to want to live better; what is wrong is a style of life which is presumed to be better when it is directed towards "having" rather than "being," and which wants to have more, not in order to be more but in order to spend life in enjoyment as an end in itself. It is therefore necessary to create lifestyles in which the quest for truth, beauty, goodness and communion with others for the sake of common growth are the factors which determine consumer choices, savings and investments.

One must however be aware of the trap of spiritual materialism.

The material world should be a training ground, where we can test our spiritual strenght. Where we can be tempted to weakness and train in our way of mind over matter.

You cannot learn the idea of "mind over matter" if you do not deal with the bonds of matter, without matter we cannot learn the spiritual, in that way it is our greatest tool.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/clap.gif) Well said! Excellent! I couldn't agree more ... the material plane is the testing station; the school room; the dimension where all manner of 'moral dilemnas' are tried out ... this often is forgotten in the oh too serious world of spiritualism!

Fear is the key. Overcome fear and the ego is destroyed/tamed. Then one can open the heart chakra to universal love/compassion. I can't even love myself right now, cannot overcome my fears that the ego manifests into attachments. The work goes on.

]

Words can not describe how perfectly this rings with me now.

I'm in the same situation Smoking Fox is. The world is greyer, duller. After a period of being on top of the world, it feels more like a huge rainy sunday. Been for a while now. Months. Food turns to ashes in my mouth. Color has lost...well..color. Sex doesn't feel as great as it could.
A massive feeling of pointlessness of all your actions...your very existence. (this is liberation from seeking goals in this world, btw...its hard to let go of "get a car, finish college, get married, three kids, house, minivan, big tv, promotion, bigger car, bigger tv" style aspirations, but thats precisely the point)
A metaphysical crisis, a total loss of faith, feeling lost, empty, shattered.

The experience is vaguely qlipphotic. When the shit you call you but isnt you peels off, the "solar self" will shine like a bitch. The problem is that before we peel, we are locked in layers and layers of our own creations-call them residential programs-that use up a massive majority of our system resources. We spend time, effort and energy nurturing false self-images that end up only hurting us more. The dark night of the soul is largely the return to the real you.
What's important, it doesn't change your actual life directly. You're not less popular than you were. You're not less exceptional. The food still tastes the same. It only removes the false haloes you have created around these things- self satisfying exaggarations, little lies to self, socially conditioned overrating of certain values...and strip the truth naked.

Naked, so you can a)no longer care about the things b)consequently receive them for little to no effort c)be REALLY good, not just semi-good and overconfident- really frickin exceptional-too good for this world-atomic bomb of leetness. And no longer be an a$%*#!* about it, because you don't really care.


And yes, fear causes most of the bad stuff that's going on.
Fear is a bad master.
And so is the cocky a$%*#!* inside you, that causes you to relapse by taking the golden apples, so to speak, and building "haha, i rule" around them again, until its "heaviness" chokes the spring and makes you have to peel off again.


The way is not clinging even to not clinging.

If I may share a trick, it helps a lot if you just focus and take a good look inside what is the real you, and whats layers and spiritual browser hijacks.
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/hypocrite.gif)

This post has been edited by Rakesh: Jan 6 2006, 04:59 PM