QUOTE(valkyrie @ Dec 16 2007, 08:56 AM)
with kali...it was strange. That evening i knew something was going to happen...i could feel the charge in the air. i was feeling restless and chaotic.
It's interesting that with Brigit you mentioned the triple Goddess concept...because looking at it now, I feel as though that is probably about the number of variations with Kali that I think I've seen. There's the proverbial Maiden, which I associate with what she uses when (with me anyway) she's trying to avoid being intimidating. With that aspect, (aside from the original "imaginary friend" which I had for years as a teenager before eventually identifying her) I initially saw a very small, slightly built (probably four feet tall, if that) girl with pinkish skintone. The hair and eyes were both dark, but the usual black skin was nowhere to be seen on that occasion. The second Maiden-type visual I've had was again as a young woman (but older, probably 25-7 or so, and taller) with some sort of white scarf/wrapping type thing and Eurasian (fairly dark coffee) skintone...her use of that guise was fairly soon after I'd been reading more about the issue of human sacrifice in rural India/Nepal and was feeling strongly freaked out by it, to the point where I was actually wondering if I was doing the right thing persuing contact with her at all. Her clothing in that instance had me thinking of Mary in hindsight actually, which is interesting when I consider that I was never really into the worship of Mary as such as a Christian at all.
Her Mother or second aspect is the one which I think my first identifiable visual of her was. The black skin is customary, (although Brahmin/Aryan artwork of this aspect tends towards light blue) as is a very large body of hair down her back, and the four arms, although on the one occasion when I've had a clear visual of the four arms, she wasn't holding anything in them at the time. This however is also the aspect which personally anyway I associate with the restless, chaotic emotions you describe here. When I've tried to invoke her, my own skin darkening (towards blue/black, not brown) and the feel of the weight/sensation of that hair on my own back have been the main two things that I've tried to visualise/imagine...although I'm not going to claim that I've ever managed more than an utterly microscopic invocation of her. The first time I tried, I ended up with more energy than I think I've ever had before, but the reason why I stopped is because I received a very clear impression that continuing quite possibly would have killed me.
Her third, or Crone, aspect is by far the most intimidating of the three, and the one which I've also had visuals of the least, and only either during dusk or at night. For me it's more or less identical to one of the robed demons that carried off a couple of the antagonists in the movie
Ghost. Facially it's simply a hood, except the interior is actually darker than the surrounding darkness (even in pitch black) and the only visible facial features will be a pair of luminous, ovular red eyes. It doesn't, however, radiate any actual fear of its' own...if I'm able to get control of my own reaction, I tend to find that Kali actually projects quite a strong sense of calm and emotional detachment in this form. I also feel (although I find the thought somewhat disturbing) that this is actually the form that she herself is most comfortable with, and that she only really bothers using either of the other two (or at least the first, the Maiden) for the sake of other people's comfort when she's trying to communicate with them.
QUOTE(valkyrie @ Dec 16 2007, 08:56 AM)
I allowed for it that night, as well as i started making strange noises. Words i didn't understand.
Can you tell me what they were?
QUOTE(valkyrie @ Dec 16 2007, 08:56 AM)
i closed my eyes, saw a split second vision of a lotus flower
The lotus is customarily one of her primary offerings, I think.
QUOTE(valkyrie @ Dec 16 2007, 08:56 AM)
Sure enough, something happened. I felt a figure sitting across from me...it took my hands in its own
Yes...I had that once a week or so ago...had my eyes closed a bit in front of the computer and had an impression of her holding my hands...it was very sweet, actually. As scary as she is at times, the sense of her love can also be unbelievable.
QUOTE(valkyrie @ Dec 16 2007, 08:56 AM)
I still don't know what she wanted to do
In terms of what you said about releasing the chakra flow through your arm...She might well have been trying to remove energetic kinks that you've possibly got. I asked her for some help to open my third eye a week or so ago, and given the intense dreams I was having for a day or so after, I'd say it was reasonably effective. I think she does try and help with that.
QUOTE(valkyrie @ Dec 16 2007, 08:56 AM)
but i don't think i could appeal to her better nature, for a second chance, because i think that WAS her better nature
If you want to interact with her again...while being respectful, I would communicate to her that you aren't willing to be receptive to her unless she tones it down a little. She's come on a little strong with me in the past...it put me off wanting to interact with her for a few days, and I noticed a change of stance to a degree after that. Given that she is a Goddess, and one of immense power, respect is appropriate...but I made a mental statement a few days ago that I wasn't going to cower before her any more...and the message I got back was that the attitude that I had towards her at that point was actually the one she wanted me to maintain.
She doesn't scare us purely for the sake of scaring us, I believe...she scares us because she actually wants us to develop the courage to look her in the eye, while being the way she is, and not be afraid despite that...that is the meaning of one of her mudras. (Hand gestures) The message is to be ourselves, despite that superficially scaring/shocking/upsetting others at times, (as she herself does) but also to get rid of our own preconceptions and judgements to a sufficient degree that other people are free to be themselves as well, without us reacting negatively to them. If you can accept Mother the way she is, most other things by comparison probably won't rattle you too much at all...and I honestly believe that that is the entire point of her being intimidating.
QUOTE
she has not returned to me since. but i am considering devoting a shrine space to her and trying the meditation again. I know it was her because one of the words i was using but couldn't understand was 'shakti' and i have since learned what it means.
That's one of the things she's done with me as well...in terms of pictures and statements which at the time I didn't know were associated with her, that I've been able to verify independently on the Web later. I get the feeling that she actually wants us to know that she exists empirically...or to offer what evidence of her existence that she can...in order to get doubt in her existence out of the way, because given the nature of her messages, there are usually more than enough other barriers of our own in the way of us accepting them anywayz, if that makes sense.
I would devote some space to her, burn some sandalwood incense in particular, (I also sometimes burn a mix of paprika, garam masala, and turmeric which I think she possibly likes) and possibly try and call to her, but set up some protections first, and possibly mentally send out the message (respectfully, mind) that you're not willing to be excessively intimidated.
QUOTE
Which leaves me reluctant to pursue her...because i don't know what to expect. i did not feel any love...just a strong will to teach me something from her side. Rather imposing actually.
She will test you...I've read about her doing that with at least one other person here...quite graphically in his case, actually. The question that I feel she continually asks is whether we have the courage to walk with her. I've read about people recommending a few other deities before Kali...because there
are relatively easygoing Gods around...the Aesir are a very good example. Ma on the other hand
can be loving...but She definitely
isn't always user-friendly. (IMG:
style_emoticons/default/13.gif)
QUOTE
I think if any offering would suffice, it would be alcohol! which is strange since i don't touch the stuff.
Same...I can't drink it now for health reasons, which I found myself thinking of when I bought him a can of premix once two weeks ago. It was actually interesting, because I used to be a binge alcoholic...but I honestly wasn't really tempted by it at all.
As I wrote in another thread, the degree to which Thor is apparently laid back actually bothers me a bit...because people take advantage of it and are disrespectful of him from what I've seen online...I saw him being called "blue collar," once, and making jokes about it. It's bizarre, but I've just realised...with Kali I feel like
less grovelling is warranted, but with Thor I actually feel as though people should be doing a bit
more...or maybe not grovelling as such, but just realising that this is a God we're talking about...and that just because he might choose to
act like one of the guys you go down the pub with on the weekend, it doesn't mean that that's who he actually is.
This post has been edited by Petrus: Dec 15 2007, 07:16 PM