The Necronomicon... Chooses It's Own? Options

Well First and foremost allow me to to say hello, Greeting all around, and thank you for any direction that you may have to offer. With that being said allow me to attempt to get to the point here. Most of this is probaly going to come out as misguided rants I assure you in my head as i type this it makes no sense either.

When i first picked up this little black book I think i was 16 maybe 17 years old. With out going back to that point in time I agree whole heartily with the posts the other day that we are chosen. I can't make to much sense as to why / how but we are chosen. I think i was probally 21 when i finally put the book down. Actually I gave it / felt compelled to give it to a dear friend. Thought he may get more use out of it than I did myself. Well here I am 6 years from then and am finding myself once again drawn to this path. I have tried various different things in those 6 years of time. None of which have left me feeling complete. I guess all and all it kind pisses me off that after all these years I AM back at the beginning were I started. --->The problem i'm having is in the indecsion of picking it back up. When I stoped practicing last time life wasn't to peachy afterwords. From that date till now my energy level has been almost none existant. I can only attest this to the gods being angry with me. (Atleast They remembered me). Now last time I practiced I did'nt do things by the book. I considered myself to be fairly competent in "Magik" at the time and felt some of the methods were for beginers. So now if I dive back into this will I suffer any set backs? Will my watcher return? I don't know But i feel the notion to press forward. Now that I am abit older and more Mature atleast Id hope.

Questions that I can think of.

1. Should I or Should I not pick this back up?

2. If I do will I suffer any "negetivity" from my previous attempts?

3. Will my watcher Return?

4. Why do I / we always end up were we started?

Now I can probally come to conclusion to the majority of these question. I wanted to share my experiences with you all to some degree. I also wanted to see if maybe others have Traveled a similar path that might have advice.

Secondly I have another friend that wishes to start involving himself in the Necronomicon / Occult. He wants me to teach him what I know. The only problem I have is he has little or no desire to do his homework. I.E. Buy the book or try any meditation . I know he has the ability or he wouldn't have asked. I want him to learn but i also want him to not screw things up how i did the first go around. I just refuse to spoon feed him. I can't invision there being anything in the Necro that we both could be present for. It always seemed a very personal and solitude practice. How do I help Him help himself ?

Thanks again for your time and you thoughts.

This post has been edited by nineofzero: May 29 2007, 01:23 AM

My answers to your questions.

1) Yes.

2) That depends on you. If you believe you'll suffer some adverse affects then you just might. on the other hand you just might be verbally chastised by not coming back sooner or they might not even worry about it because, years ago you weren't ready and NOW you are.

3) If you take the view that your Watcher is in some way your Holy Guardian Angel or even a Servitor then I'd expect you'd see him again. If on the other hand he's just some one assigned to guard you sent by the Elder Gods then maybe not. The only way you'll know is to do it.

4) Sometimes yes we do. I remember reading the book briefly when I was in my teens. But I was so terrified of it that I got rid of the book. Now years later I'm back as well. I have yet to walk the Gates but I have petitioned the 50 many times. Though the results have taken time to manifest they do manifest. God luck and welcome back.

gmcbroom

I had some bad experiences with the book in my early teens, I came back to recently (almost twenty years later) and have had none. I simply wasn't ready for the book then. When I first began to work with the fifty names seriously Marduk told me this had been on purpose, that all life experience and how you grow from it is training ( I cannot separate the "occult" from life itself) for the next stage.


Make your own choice, but it is likely the first experience just planted a seed that is now beginning to sprout. At this early stage in my necro practice, most results come days or even weeks after the working done.

Well I will tell a condensed version of my story--which incidently parellels urs. I first began reading the Necro at 16, read it cover to cover numerous times and felt to use it then would be fatal to my sanity. I knew jack shit about magick (well slightly less than now--haha) then but my gut told me I was in no way ready. Fast forward 3 years and a Thelemite friend of mine loans me the Necro Spellbook. That very nite I used it w/o hesitation-as the method in there was perfectly suited for a novice like myself then! Of course I had no true understanding of WHY I was doing magick, just that I wanted to do it. Being I was foolish and had lots of shadows hanging over my spirit then the use of the 50 names only served to stir the pot more. but the thing is, looking back now, that was good! But then it fucked me up good. The self created phantoms were overwhelming and I was seriously freaked out. The one incident I remember is one nite I fell asleep--or so I thought I did. While in a state of "sleep" some entity was hammering on my chest like a jackhammer. It was a mass of neon green squiggly lines....undescribable really, but I can see it clear still. This got to me mentally so I, in my weakened and fearful state put the Necro down. this began my trek across the Cold Desert.

For 5 years I rpacticed no magick whatsoever. But I sure did worship the fire water god--often and daily. The shadows I invoked earlier only took a more pronounced form. Each day was an infinity of agony. Sorrow was a shroud over my soul always. To smile was to wear a false mask. I was dead inside. Each day was cold, was empty and full of hate towards nothing but myself. It was a bad time. Life was shitty, the perspective I had was shitty, everything I was doing was unproductive to my betterment--it was all for my immediate gratification and to also escape those very phantoms I had conjured from w/i myself. But the further away from magick I ventured the worse this all became. I slowly began reading some Crowley books I had but didnt bother to read. The more I read the more I understood what the f%*! he was talking about suddenly. Then one day I decided to do some geomancy w/ my own name and certain gods names.

MARDUK= 831
ENKI= 85
ENKI= 40* *(Sumerian God Number)
ENLIL=50
ANU=60
My Own Name QERIM IDRIZI = 596

596+ 85+ 40+ 50+ 60 = 831******

Keep in mind I was about to abandon my return to practicing while doing this--this was a sort of "why the f%*! not?" moment and Im sure glad I did this. To me, it inspired me to take up arms again and begin to work w/ the 50 names of MARDUK. To me this symbolized a personal connection w/ those divine energies I had worked w/ and also in the process revived my spirit. That was that confirmation I needed. That nagging of my spirit was explained, I was being told to return-I knew better now. I was wiser from my agony. I had passed the initiation of the gods by crossing that cold desolate desert where I had no one but myself to rely upon in spirit. And as soon as I began calling the 50 names again I noticed immediate results and how my approach was more refined and organized in how I dealt w/ the spirits. I also called spirits for a specific purpose much more than before.

The point of that epic story (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blablabla.gif) was to say I took a break as well, and I found once THEY choose u its not up to u to decide if u can go or not--ur mission has been dealt to u, its a matter of accepting it again. Once u do u will find all are awaiting ur return and if ur motives are just u will be assisted in assisting ur own Evolution. Remember, the Gods only help u if u help urself!

Good luck!

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/ac42.gif) Thanks to you all for your responses. To Eabatu I could not describe these things any better myself. I was going to included in my earlier post that maybe this time off / alone was a test to some degree. It's very weird because as I am just now in the prestages of picking this back up. The dominos are starting to fall already = weird "sh**" happening to those around me. This is the part that bother me the most. In that everyone i associate myself with tends to over time have it effect them. More so the ones that i'm intament with? Is this normal? Can that be changed? My current GF is kinda cool with the idea but i dont think she grasps the magnitude of everything. She just had a 2000 pound box with misc. ship parts almost hit a guy she was standing next to. He got lucky with a scratch. She returns to the office and now a door has fallen off the hinges and is stuck up against her door. So she's is locked inside her office. She insists that it turns her on. LOL. Anyways on a more serious note. I have afew things to do this weekend amongts gathering some supplies. Hopefully come monday i will atleast know my watcher again. On that note i think i saw him the other day. Kind appeared as a shadow. Then walked off. Thanks again for your responses and hope that we can get this old soul jump started again..