Inundation, A request for assistance... Options

It is supreme irony, if you devote sufficient thought to it. Before I decided to compose this thread, I took some measures to calm myself, to place my mind in the closest thing to serenity available to me right now in order to facilitate maximum coherency. I ensured that I was properly nourished, hydrated, and—to make my environment as calm-inducing as possible—activated a Windows Media playlist that I find soothing. The first song on that roster was Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight.”

The urban legend surrounding that song is that Collins watched another man stand by and allow a perfect stranger to drown. Because he was unable to swim himself, Collins could do nothing but spectate as the victim was submerged by a combination of his own flailing and the irresistible pull of gravity. I suppose it is only fitting then that, right now, I feel closer to that unfortunate man than I ever believed possible. The irony referenced to above is found in the fact that I, too, am drowning.

Struggles that you and I face on a day to day basis (financial woes, pursuit of education, etc, family dissonance) in combination with my own shortcomings and personal issues (my perpetual lack of confidence stemming from a notably low self-esteem, emotional vampires that I can’t seem to push out of my life, the “blues” that follow dashed hopes) are presently overwhelming. I’m being pulled under by the very same opponents that I successfully fought against in the past. Worse still is the fact that my ability to cope—my ability to analyze the situation and respond with appropriate strategy—is becoming compromised. My thought processes, I feel, are more sluggish, less sound than they once were. Victims of depression label that condition as “cognitive deficiency” which is a prominent symptom of their affliction. I don’t think I’ve reached that state just yet, but without assistance I fear that it is only a matter of time.

A great many people in my social sphere, when faced with situations such as this, turn to their faiths. I am not a religious man by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have my own spirituality to turn to as well as the practices associated with it. So, I’m asking you all…are there any magickal remedies to what I’m going through? Any sort of meditation to calm my mind in times of immense mental stress…anything to cease the cycle that leads to my debilitating mental effects…anything at all to bolster my confidence and sense of esteem so that I may help myself out of this situation in due time?

In my opinion when the mind is under such stress one shouldn't turn to "magick" as a fixer. magick is best done when the mind is in a state of natural peace where it can truely search itself for the desires it wishes to manifest. If the mind is in a state of turmoil it lacks focus and its ability to understand itself is diminished. Magick is always possible. But success under such conditions is neglegable

What I percieve you as experiencing is the "battles" of everyday life. We're all like warriors in perpetual mortal kombat. Some of us have seen harder battles than others and some of us are affected in different ways because of them. I can certainly relate to the feelings of depression and low-self-esteem. Many times the depression will never entirely go away. There will always be times when it can creep up on you and put you in a slump. I'm sure you already understand what causes depression and that its sometimes out of our hands to fix altogether. But there are ways to cop. I would imagine that you coped by using your intellectual and rational mind to deduce the situation into catagories and cercumstances you could emotionally write off. In other words I wonder if you've really ever learned to acknowledge your emotional self. Of course I don't know you so only could know if this was true or not. But maybe it is something you've been avoiding. If you are then you will never get over your depression or lack of self worth until you can really accept what you feel in certain situations that make you feel uncomfortable.

Depression and a lack of self-esteem go hand in hand and feed into eachother. A lack of self-esteem can stem from extremes such as child abuse or shakey divorces. It can also come from never really being acknowledged as valid, as worthy of praise from family or peers. In terms of family if you had a sibling who got all the attention then this would affect you. Likewise if you simply had unattentive parents altogether. If you were one of the "loners", or just not in the "in crowd" in your school this likely why you have this perception about yourself. Also understand the way people gain a sense of poor self-worth is by never really applying themselves. - for some examples think like athletics, accademics, relationships, career advancement, hobbies, house projects and community projects. The best I can tell you is everybody has strengths and weaknesses. If you can recognize your own strengths you can capitalize on them and make them work for you to manifest the greater quality of life you desire. By having the better life it'll be easier to manage your depression. However this requires that you own up to yourself and force yourself to do life's "battles" and relentlessly grab what you want out of life. Without your own personal initiative, no magick would be of any use to you anyways.

The "mystical" approach I would I recomend is that you learn to meditate for at least 20 minutes a day and visualize basic pathworking rituals. Meditation is very easy. Do all the relaxing things you said you did in your first post and quiet your mind. Quieting the mind is the hardest part because our brains are like a tv set constantly flipping through channels to know end. Being that you sound fairly intelligent you're probably one of those who always has something on his mind from a plethora of topics. Quieting the mind amounts to turning off your brain's tv set so that you hear nothing. You are not consciously thinking of anything. That little voice in your head is silent. Once you can quiet your mind and hold this for a period of time you'll find its easier to focus on specific issues within your life. I think the best way to quiet the mind, to thoroughly relax and entire an altered state of mind near sleep, is to hum to a beat. Listening to music can help but you also do this as simply as just thinking of a constant "hmmmmmmm" inside your head that drowns out all other thoughts.

The purpose of entering this trance state is for the pathworking part. Pathworking is like visualizing traveling on a road or sidewalk, or trail in the mountains. All you do is close your eyes. The darkness you see is like a blank tv screen. The things you think of manifest as simple flashes and half images. Quiet your mind and gently push aside this random images. Once you are in that near sleep stage you will realize the images are far more vivid. What I do is like what the hypnotist in "stir of echos" does. She has the guy visualize a blank screen in a movie theatre. Similarly once you've entered a trance state push out all other images by seeing a blank movie screen. Hold this image for a while and then think of a place a place that has significant meaning to you. This place has to be somewhere where you feel the most at peace and relaxed. A city park, library, camping site, garden, coffee shop etc etc, a place thats not too active but really makes you feel peaceful. It doesn't have to be a place in the presant. It could be some place from your child hood or even a place you want to be in the future. This is your place of power its where your center of being is. This is your main focal point. ITs where you will begin and end all pathworking rituals. Take several sessions getting good at visualizing this place before you move on the to the next step. If possible visit this place and pay attention to the finer details. Once you are able to thoroughly visualize your place of power and can sustain this image, complete with any other activities that might be going on, then you are ready to move to the next step. Once you see your place of power make sure you are totally calm and that you realize that you are not only at peace but that you are protected. Now look around you for a path to travel. This could be in the form of a door, a hidden trail behind some bushes, a sidewalk or road. Even a hallway. Travel whatever path you see. Travel until you feel you have seen all that you can on this journey. Don't push yourself and understand you can always return to travel the same path once again. Once you have seen all that you can return to your place of power. It is important that you do this to keep yourself grounded. Slowly wake yourself and immediately write down what you experieced, spare no detail write down as much as possible even if it only amounts to two sentances. If you're an artist you might try to make sketches.

The place of power represents your seat of consciousness. Its like the command center of your higher self. By traveling a path away from this place you are channeling your greater consciousness into the depths of your lower, sub-concsious self. Really a path working ritual can take anywhere from just a few minutes to several hours. And if you fall asleep don't worry simply try to recall what you experienced recording as much as possible. The purpose of doing this at all is to explore the regions of your mind you might have supressed or not have acknowledged for sometime. Places you may simply never knew existed within yourself. What you want to do is looking for themes. Do you see certain people more so than others? Are there any childhood pets? Do you go to other entirely other worlds or places all together? Look for patterns. These represent the major aspects that your sub-conscious works with often. THese are important and can represent a variety of underlying factors. Understanding these can help you over come the adversity you feel in life at presant. Understand as well that sometimes what you will see may not be pleasant. You see "demons" or some such monsters that may try to attack you or become flooded with images of the macabre. These "dark" aspects represent repressed emotions. They cannot hurt you unless you let them. Confront these issues and command them to acknowledge themselves to you as what they really are. You might come to discover you felt feelings you never knew you had. Learn to express these in real life and that right there will help you cope with your depression in a way thats not simply over intellectualizing your emotions.

To do this it will take some work. But given that you practice once everyday for at least a month you will likely become proficient enough to come up with successful answers. I would additionally keep a dream journal to record your dreams. Pay attention to them and especially look for changes in patterns. I know this probably isn't the "magick" you were hoping for but real magick is just as hard as life itself. Remember what you percieve as suffering is the universe chissling at you as though you were a sculpture. Some things you cannot control. But other you can and if you do wisely you will become something far greater than what you think you can.

Magick cannot be used as an escape. The only advice I can offer you is the massive emphasis you must put on yourself, knowing yourself, and loving yourself. Crowley said Love is the law. And I couldn't have said it better.