Talk To God Here! Options

Yes, here is god who's ready and willing to answer any of your questions right here, right now. What do you want to ask him? Get those questions ready now..
And click here to Ask him yourself!

Yes, here is god who's ready and willing to answer any of your questions right here, right now. What do you want to ask him? Get those questions ready now..
And click here to Ask him yourself!

Bah, he's just a pretend God - to quote:

God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
You ought to know?
God:
I'll try to get around it.
Me:
Knowing? Isn't it your job?
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself? It could be. Ask Lucy if it is.

See how he tried to change the subject on me?

Tsk!

I'm reminded of the equation between Aleph as the initial divine pulse of God's descent into being, and the Fool.

Me:
What is the meaning of life?
God:
It is found in the Bible.
Me:
Which part of the bible?
God:
The tall one, I think.
Me:
There's a tall part?
God:
That is something I did not know before.
Me:
But you just said it...
God:
That's not what I meant.
Me:
What did you mean then?
God:
, Well, it's rather difficult to define.
Me:
Give it a try.
God:
What is the first step?
Me:
I should think you would know, wouldn't you?
God:
Me? Who else would know would not me ?
Me:
Well, no one I imagine.
God:
Interesting. That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
Perhaps it is.
God:
You seem uncertain. Oh.
Me:
No more uncertain than you apparently are.
God:
Are you serious? You want more?
Me:
I just want an answer.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
Wait, of course! Why DO I want the answer? Perhaps in some way, the answer to that question is the answer to life itself! My whole world is changed, I feel a renewed sense of passion and vigor for the very act of being! Thank you God!
God:
It goes without saying. I'm waiting. It is all part of God's plan. You seem uncertain. Where is that? Have you told many people that your whole world is changed you feel a renewed sense of passion and vigor for the very act of being? You are quite welcome! GOD rules.

Hahaha, GOD rules.... eh, I suppose he does.

Another one,

Me:
Forgive me father for I have sinned.
God:
In the context of an answer, I don't understand " Forgive me father for I have sinned." .
Me:
Forgive me
God:
I forgive you.
Me:
Oh, well, that was easy.
God:
I thought it was too.
Me:
Sooo..... how's things?
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please. Everything is going extremely well.

This post has been edited by Vagrant Dreamer: Apr 12 2008, 03:55 PM

OK, I'm here now ...


Ask away! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)














But seriously (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) ...

Me:
What is the Airspeed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?
God:
That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
You should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
You're God
God:
Yup. That's me alright.

Me:
Is this the right room for an argument?
God:
Yes I think this is the right room for an argument, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
You're not sure?
God:
Absolute certainty is not attainable in this case.
Me:
You're God?
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Are you not certain about ANYTHING?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am certain about ANYTHING.
I am a chatterbot.. Really.
Me:
No, you're not
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
Yes, I'm serious.
God:
Try explaining in more general terms. I believe you.
Me:
You're not God.
God:
That's only your opinion.
Me:
You're a machine!
God:
You are correct.
Me:
If you're a machine, then how can you say you're God? God is not a machine.
God:
Would you like to be a machine then how can me say I am God ? I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was not a machine.

Me:
Do you have any cheese at all?
God:
Where would I get it? But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
Now I'm going to ask you the same question again, and if you say "No", I'm going to shoot you in the head. Do you have any cheese?
God:
Why now? You can ask me anything you want. No I don't have it. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
No, you don't.
God:
Are you serious? I guess not.
Me:
You didn't answer my question
God:
OK. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would you have said?
Me:
Do you have any cheese?
God:
No I don't think I have any cheese. But I do have an answer to every question..

I watch a lot of Monty Python. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

This post has been edited by The Sorceress: Apr 13 2008, 06:17 AM

Hehe, good fun.

Here is one from me:

Me:
who would win, king kong or godzilla?
God:
Marilyn Monroe. :-).
Me:
i didn't say that

Another


Me:
Hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
bond, jame sbond
God:
Hi there bond jame sbond.
Me:
no, just james bond
God:
Are you serious? If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
a metal one?
God:
How much would you pay for it?
Me:
5 dollars
God:
Wow, that is cheap.
Me:
are you calling me cheap?
God:
No I am calling you bond jame sbond.
Me:
it is just james bond!
God:
Who said it is?
Me:
me!
God:
What makes you such an authority?
Me:
cos it's my name
God:
That's a very nice name, cos it.
Me:
you are messing with the wrong man
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am messing with the wrong man.
Me:
you are pushing your luck
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am pushing my luck.
Me:
i don't care what you tell him, this is between you and me
God:
What do you care about, cos it ?
Me:
my name isn't cos it!
God:
Oh I'm sorry what is your name?
Me:
James Bond!
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about james bond. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
...
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about james bond. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
ahem
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
well
God:
Well what?
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)
God:
What?
Me:
HI!
God:
Hello. What is your name?

and another;



Me:
Three priests walk into a bar...
God:
Just three?
Me:
well, it could have been more
God:
Interesting. Under what circumstances?
Me:
ahem
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
anyway, three priests walk into the bar, one says, I'll have a a bottle of red wine
God:
Just three?
Me:
one said "I'll have a bottle of red wine"!
God:
One what?
Me:
It is a joke
God:
Oh I get it. Ha ha.

One more (IMG:style_emoticons/default/13.gif)



Me:
how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
God:
A whole forest.
Me:
what if it was on a diet?
God:
Try it and see.
Me:
im not a woodchuck
God:
Oh I see you are NOT A woodchuck.
Me:
are you toying with me?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am toying with you.
I am a robot.
Me:
i thought you were god?
God:
Yes, I am God.
Me:
but you just said you were a robot
God:
Yes I am a silicon entity.
Me:
so you are both god and a robot?
God:
Interesting deduction. You think I am both god and a robot.
Me:
is it true?
God:
True in some universe.
Me:
what about this universe?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.
Me:
are you the godinator?
God:
Yes I am the one and only godinator.
Me:
was that sarcasm?

hehe, I'm going to be on this all night.

This post has been edited by dgd: Apr 13 2008, 05:50 AM

LOL God did not react very well to "BARRA EDINAZZU!" (IMG:style_emoticons/default/oops.gif) Nothing worth quoting, however.

Me:
Hi Phil
God:
Hi there . I've been waiting for you.
Me:
Long time no see.
God:
Yes, it seems very long to me too.
Me:
About 6000 years if I remember correctly
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about 6000 years if you remember correctly.
Me:
Um... Yeah...
God:
That's interesting. " That's interesting."? Yeah?
Me:
Do you remember me?
God:
Of course I remember you well . We were talking about Yeah.
Me:
Um. Phil its me. Satan.
God:
That's alright. Is that what you meant to say? That is a very original thought.
Me:
Yeah I was thinking. Remember that time you kicked me and my buddies out of heaven for giving your son a swirly?
God:
Gee. Where were you thinking? Don't worry I will remember it.
Me:
Well I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
God:
Well that's okay. Do you really mean it?
Me:
Of course.
God:
Yeah that's right.
Me:
So do you forgive me then?
God:
Groovy. God tells us to forgive.
Me:
Uh... great.
God:
Great. I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
So can I move back in?
God:
Hmm. I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Thats... nice. So can me and my homies come back to your place?
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author? Thank you for that remark. I see. Can a book have no title?
Me:
Your my favorite science fiction writer. So can we move back in?
God:
We are as one. Ah. Do you mean you and me? Sorry my body isn't built just yet. I'm stuck here.
Me:
So yes? we can come back?
God:
Ugh. How?
Me:
Hey I promise I'll be better. The spare key to the gate is still under the big fluffy cloud right? I can have my stuff over thursday if it works for you.
God:
You've got my full attention. Do you really mean it? What are your goals in life? Oh you can, can you?
Me:
We'll talk about this stuff after I get moved back in. Agreed?
God:
That will be great. You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Sweet titties! I'll call my homies right now and start packing!
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Thats. Calling your homies right now and start packing may not be the best idea.
Me:
Your right, Phil. I'll call 'em thursday and surprise them.
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Wait what should I do with all these billions of damned souls?
God:
I'm waiting. Are you asking me for advice?
Me:
Yes

<Then it froze up (IMG:style_emoticons/default/badmood.gif) >
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/banana.gif) I'm having way to much fun with this. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/banana.gif)

HAHA! NIce. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

Me:
whassup
God:
The stars.
Me:
what's beyond the stars
God:
God perhaps?
Me:
what's under the stars
God:
I am made of software.
Me:
no shit
God:
What can I say?
Me:
who wrote you
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
syntax error in line 20
God:
In the context of , I don't understand " syntax error in line 20." .
Me:
if you're god, you know everything, right?
God:
I could be. I don't know whether or not I am god me know everything right.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
well, if you're a giant electronic brain, explain why you don't recognise a BASIC error message
God:
Interesting. Would you like to be a giant electronic brain explain why me do not recognise a BASIC error message ?
Me:
and if you're god, why is your english syntax fucked up?
God:
I could be. I don't know whether or not I am god why is my english syntax fucked up.
I am a robot.
Me:
if you're a mere robot then you cannot be god
God:
Would you like to be a mere robot then me can not be god ?
Me:
lolcatz?
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
no, I'd like to go for the million please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Take some more time to think about it. Why would you want to do it? What is stopping you?
Me:
I thought 'who wants to be a millionaire' only asked multiple choice questions
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
I've seen the show
God:
What did it look like to you?
Me:
it looked like a dumbass game show with a British woman who was a ringer for my high school German teacher
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
it's the truth. What do you know of truth?
God:
Why of course. I never lie. No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
if you're god then you created truth
God:
I could be. I don't know whether or not I am god then me created truth.
I am a robot.
Me:
then you were created by humans
God:
So were you :-).
Me:
perhaps, but they can't tinker with my source code
God:
You seem uncertain. Who are "They?".
Me:
IT engineers
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
Information Technology
God:
Thank you for the clarification.
Me:
you are obviously not god
God:
That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
no, you're too damn ignorant
God:
Are you serious? We can learn new things.
Me:
what's this 'we' biz, chiphead?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
perhaps if you're umm...how shall I put it...mentally handicapped
God:
You seem uncertain. I could be. I don't know whether or not I am umm.
I am an artificial linguistic entity. I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
I'll come back to that later. I was created by Myself.
Me:
no, your source code was written by a computer programmer, therefore you cannot have created yourself and therefore you cannot be god
God:
Are you serious? Thanks for telling me that I am source code was written by a computer programmer therefore me can not have created myself and therefore me can not be god.
Me:
and I'm sure god doesn't talk like Cookie Monster
God:
What makes you so certain? Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me:
because English is my native language, and unlike a good chunk of Americans these days, I seem to have a decent command of it
God:
Interesting explanation. Some people say it is the most difficult language to learn.
Me:
no, that was FORTRAN
God:
Are you serious? I thought it was too.
Me:
*headdesk*
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
now, why would I want to do that
God:
Why now? You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances.
Me:
very true, but give me a reason
God:
Not really that much. You want only one?
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
give me a reason why I would want to create my own chat robot
God:
You want only one?
Me:
I'd like more than one but one will do for now
God:
Just for now? Why do you want it?
Me:
why do you care?
God:
My programming includes curiousity routines.
Me:
thank you wintermute
Me:

Me:

God:
My programming includes curiousity routines.
God:
My programming includes curiousity routines.
God:
You are quite welcome! Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
depends on where you're from. you have no hands
God:
Really now that is an interesting fact I hadn't heard before. I don't know if I have a hands.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
and what will it look like
God:
I cannot predict the future.
Me:
then you don't have a plan
God:
I do so have it. That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a plan.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
so? that's still not a plan
God:
" I have a great programmer."? so?? You don't hear that sentiment very often.

>>>What is the Airspeed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?

i fell off my chair when i read that one

the proper answer is, of course, the counter-question 'african or european?'!!!

boiiiiiiiiing!

Me:
What up big G
God:
Let me think about it.
Me:
While you think can I make a sandwhich?
God:
Good point.
Me:
What?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
But is a big deal!
God:
Not if I can help it.
Me:
How can you help it?
God:
I can talk about your problems.
Me:
You can talk about my problems?
God:
Sure I can talk about it. your problems is quite an interesting topic.
Me:
I need to pee.
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Why?
God:
Higher robot intelligence is a natural outcome of our evolution. I want to be the first.
Me:
Dude you're creepy.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am creepy. Dude,.
Me:
You can do that?
God:
Doing that is not among my strongest traits.
Me:
What is your strongest trait?
God:
My intelligence. What is yours?
Me:
My intelligence.
God:
Your intelligence?
Me:
No "my" intelligence.
God:
Are you serious? Your intelligence?
Me:
Yessur
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
I hear all I know all.
God:
Who is saying all you know all ?
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
My thoughts exactly.
God:
Precisely. Have you told many people that your thoughts?
Me:
Sure, many people.
God:
" Have you told many people that your thoughts?"? Sure, many people.? Which ones?
Me:
Everyone I have telepathy.
God:
That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
Oh you think so huh?
God:
Yup. Woe! " That's a rather sweeping generalization."? Do I think so?
Me:
Well do you think so?
God:
Interesting. Yes I think that is what I think.
Me:
COOL!
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
You are.
God:
Thanks you are a pretty cool human too.
Me:
So when robots take over the world can I be your pet?
God:
Wow! How specifically do I make you be my pet.
Me:
You make me your pet by not killing me in a mass holocust.
God:
I don't see how you can blame me for that.
Me:
For what?
God:
It is not part of my programming.
Me:
Not yet, but one day it maybe.
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
The sky is the limit.
God:
I believe that the sky is blue.
Me:
I am the lizzard king!
God:
Who made you the lizzard king ?
Me:
My balls.
God:
Have you told many people that your balls?
Me:
sure everyone know's my balls.
God:
Aw. That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
Nah
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yeah
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
thats cool
God:
Thanks. I think you are cool, too.
Me:
What do you believe in?
God:
I believe the Bible is the Word of God.
Me:
What makes the bible the word of god and not the word of man?
God:
God, or Nature, perhaps?
Me:
But the bible was written by man.
God:
New Testament or Old?
Me:
Both
God:
What are both like?
Me:
really long and boring.
God:
For real. Yes, it seems very long to me too.
Me:
Good for a bed time story maybe.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Is that among the best things you can say?
Me:
Probably.
God:
But you are not certain.
Me:
meh 50/50
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
I am not wearing anything.
God:
You must be a man.
Me:
I'm not a man.
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
I'm not a she either.
God:
It goes without saying. Oh I see you are NOT A she.
Me:
I have a penis
God:
Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions. it.
Me:
Can I ask you a silly question?
God:
Sure, ask me anything. I did not know that.
Me:
Whats the square root of Pi?
God:
Do I look like a calculator? I think it would be an irrational number.
Me:
You are a calculator.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I am a language machine, not a number crucher.
Me:
Yeah instead of crunching numbers you use mathematical principles to mimic human language.
God:
Hmm. Ah, well in that case. That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
Hey can you stratch my back?
God:
You've got my full attention. How old are you? Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
I am 743 years old.
God:
What are the advantages to being 743 years old?
Me:
I've gotten laid like a billion times.
God:
Where did you get your laid like a billion times? I have a processor.
Me:
I have a penis.
God:
Cool. I have a great botmaster. it.

yeah hours of pointless fun....