To Forgive and To Forget, Really... how do you do it? Options

Well Praxis, I think forget means don't dwell on it but remember it as a learning experience since our brains record everything.

i must admit i cant forgive some things in my life i never will in this life perhaps in the next but not this one.
ill do my best to forget the dark past because it taught me the power of hatred
before i dident know what hatred really was and how deep it is,, and if i let it grow,, one day it will surely consume me yet i wont let it go that far,,

i have talked alot with people about this,, imagine someone came and kidnapped your son or daugher, brother or sister and did really cruel things to her/him would you simple say "forgive and forget"
or i forgive him for the cruel thing he did but wont forget it "the kid will be destroyed within" is that to forgive??

or if a drunk driver smack into your husband or wife and totally smack him to a bag of patatos for the rest of his/her life or maybe killed,, can you then forgive him ? he destroyed what you loved so dearly.

i myself would hunt the person down and remove him from the face of the planet if such happened in my life,, i know we live by laws and i would be punished for this,, but atleast i did something which feel right for me i brought the justice i wanted to have since the system dont work the same way.

then there are some who say what good will it bring to do payback you will just be like him,, ,, it wont help the victim ,,, well in my eyes it will then they dont have to ever think or fear meeting this person ever again. plus for me it would bring peace knowing he was gone and never could hurt or destroy anyone anymore.

well im sure there will be some who diseagree with me and thats fine we all see things diffrently (IMG:style_emoticons/default/evilB.gif)

I can see your point and we all learn what hate is sooner or later.

The only thing I thought was that we don't know if the people that have hurt us ever come to a realization that they are sorry and wish they hadn't done the bad things in their life.

A few people will never come to this realization because there is something wrong with their brains, which in effect, makes them disabled. If we decided to get rid of people who the majority found unforgiveable by say lethal injection, where would we draw the line?

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/hmm.gif) well no law system is perfect men are not perfect but surely we could change our law systems ,, like me i come from a cuntry where the law really sucks in my eyes over and over you hear some F up man has raped a teen and he get 4-5 years i simply hate that,, its way to little to get for such a crime its like the system dont think on the victims at all oh yes she will get crisis help but imagine she knows he will be out in 5 years maybe he feel sorry for what he did maybe not who can tell,, alot of criminals are masters in cheating people,
the worst is that the law system punish money crimes much much higher then all other crimes like ones there was a 14 year old girl who copied some money on a copy mashine she thought it was a brilliant idea to get rich that way well she was set to get 7 years for that.
i just feel that crimes where people are victims should be highrated, people are higher then money in my eyes but i know its not that way and never will be money rule the world, money and power.
about how to draw a line well we should vote some people who tell how their oppinions are and how they will make the laws and then 3/4 of the board should agree with the laws they made before it go live to be the new laws.
and each 5-10 year they could get together and listen to the population on how the system is and if he population feel it should be changed and in what way,, if the majority of the population was happy then its a good system but if everyone is unhappy something got to be changed.
and again the board should make the final dissisions but still they should listen to the population aswell.

I think that in an ideal world, as the Lord High Executioner once said "the Punishment must fit the crime". Justice is meeted out by the courts.

But on an individual level where possible bygones should be bygones. It could be said that a small mind continues to harbour grievances, whereas a mind set on greater quests in this short life we are given, has ots time cut out elsewhere and has therefore no time to dwell on petty injustices.

This is probably all wrong but my words /thoughts only. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush2.gif)

"Vengence is mine, saith the Lord", an ancient wisdom text which I take to mean, there is ultimate justice on an eternal, 'cosmic', and therefore often inscrutable level for each individual soul. On a more direct level, it means, vengence - and punishment, however we may dress it up in legal language and the Responsibilities of the Citizen, is nothing else - is not ours. Any believer in karma (which nothing in the Old Testament contradicts) can only, logically, conclude that forgiveness is a moral duty, since the desire to hurt others (a) is harmful, leading to an overall increase in the pain and disharmony of the world, and (b) is superfluous, since the initial transgressor has already been "punished" in precise and all-encompassing proportion by the further distancing of their soul from the Light.

Herr Doktor Freud has some rather wise things to say about the human desire to punish and be punished, as does Professeur Foucalt.

In summary, I take a two-line approach to forgiving and forgetting: meditate on the reality of Univeral Justice, however it manifests for you, and learn the hidden names of those daemons who drive your darker thoughts.

Blessings

Holding grudges is bad for your spiritual development. Hating people for the acts they have committed is counter productive, you allow the person you hate to damage you twice, once by the thing they did to make you hate the person, and the second time by the act of hate itself.

I do not hate, i do not hold grudges, people that have wronged me are banned from my mind, i forget their existence. If i do exact vengeance, it remains with that act of vengeance and it does not escalate in my mind to form some thought pattern i have no need for.

Holding a grudge is in no way a punishment for the person that wronged you. He will not die or feel bad because you hate him. So why hate him if it does not affect him?


This does not mean that people are right when they rape your child, a magician should be able to forget about the person that did this act and not hold a constant hatred or grudge. This is immensely hard, because there is the tendency to be angry when a loved one is ill treated.

Personally, i would take my sword and rip the criminal to pieces. In cold blood. And then i would forget about him. I would not do it out of hatred or grudge, but just out of principle...

It is hard, but it is for your own good that emotions like hatred and feeling a grudge towards someone should be moved aside. These things are damaging to your own being and have no effect whatsoever on the person in question.

-Hello i m new here and this topic is something i know alot about

....i forgave alot of realy bad things but i could never forget them ....now i dont want to forget them they are important lessons that help me prevent and deal with souch things.....

Also i have learned that vengence and retribution can be a wery positive and necessary thing (if done wisely)
....there is also too much of the reckless vengence ...too much pain ...that enchanted circle must be broken or it will continue for eternity -as it can be seen all over the world...

"i forgave alot of realy bad things but i could never forget them ....now i dont want to forget them they are important lessons that help me prevent and deal with souch things"

I think that if you are a member of this forum you are astute enough to understand that forgetting is part of forgiving. To forgive is to forget.

This might appear odd if some frightful transgression has taken place, for instance a brutal murder or rape or somesuch of someone close to you. But the event cannot be undone, and to carry a grudge through your existences does not auger well for your speedy enlightenment.

I do not understand how there can be positive vengeance or retribution. Both words are negatives. If you are able to forget you should be able to forgive too.

The Enchanted Circle must be recreated if you must, but that smacks of gamer jargon. Rather the enchanted circle surround your head. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tn_dizzy002.gif)

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I think that if you are a member of this forum you are astute enough to understand that forgetting is part of forgiving.  To forgive is to forget. 

I do not understand how there can be positive vengeance or retribution.  Both words are negatives.  If you are able to forget you should be able to forgive too.

.....some people will continue their destructive behavior until they are shown the consequence of their actions (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sculacciata.gif)
-maybe vengence is a bit strong word for that

....my recent experience with that was with a new boss at work that had a real social problems (he came to that position becouse he is related to the owner) ....anyway his new developed taste for power had to involve oppresing(in a big way) others inclouding his best friend(not any longer) just becouse he could get away with it
-i managed to stop "his best friend" from beating him to a pulp and devised a more suitable and legal solution ...and that was to give him the oportunity to show his true self to everyone...
-he ofcourse embaresed the firm and himself ...lost position, fiancee ....and everyone lived happily ever after......maybe he will learn the lesson eventualy

-i work with people and nothing suprises me anymore ....you must know how to protect yourself
...sometimes people need a bit of "tough love"

This post has been edited by Wanderer: Aug 20 2005, 06:18 PM

Yes, you are quite right in saying that sometimes people need a bit of "tough love" but who are we really to censure and make the decision to humiliate any person into embarassment?

I for one, am not in favour of the eye for an eye principle. Rather I feel that eventually, as in the example given by Wanderer, the unpleasant boss will be eventually hoisted with his own petard by his own foolishness.

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